My office building has a cafeteria that serves food all day. At breakfast you can get pastries, doughnuts, waffles, pancakes, omelets, coffee, etc. They have stuff that is pre-made, a hot grill where you can get eggs made to order and packaged stuff. They have large tureens with grits, cream of wheat and oatmeal.
Every morning I get eggs, toast and oatmeal. Today I skipped the eggs because I brought my own. I am trying to cut down how much money I spend upstairs. I try not to get the oatmeal and toast but I can’t resist. I get a small bowl of oatmeal, a pinch of sugar and a little bit of granola. I get whole grain toast and four butters. Two butters for my toast and two for my oatmeal. I’ve been getting the same thing for the whole two years I’ve been working here.
The line is very long, and there’s a new lady opening up another register. She’s not new, really, she just doesn’t usually work on the register. When I go up to pay she says, “Oh, you can only have two butters.”
“Okay.” I just looked at her. I assume that I can only have two butters for free and that I will have to pay for the other two. This is fine. How much can butter be? And anyway, who cares? I want it no matter how much it costs.
She is staring me down. “You can only have two.”
“You got to put those back.”
“Why can’t I just pay for them?”
She looks at me like the thought never occurred to her that I should pay for it rather than put it back.
Then I said, “And anyway, I don’t get any condiments for my oatmeal?”
“No. You get cheese with the oatmeal.”
Cheese? Who the hell puts cheese in their oatmeal? I know plenty of people who eat oatmeal but I’ve never met anybody who puts cheese in it. I know people who like butter. Some people prefer sugar. Others put in granola, or bananas, even milk. One guy I know puts syrup in his oatmeal, but cheese?
“Why would you put cheese in your oatmeal?”
“Cheese comes with the hot cereal.”
Presumably “hot cereal” means oatmeal, cream of wheat and grits. Yes, cheese can go in grits. But cheese does not go in oatmeal or cream of wheat. Those hot cereals are sweet. Grits can go either way.
“That’s just gross. Cheese does not go in oatmeal, but whatever. How much do I owe?”
“And anyway, I don’t even know what oatmeal is.”
I am dumbfounded. Who the hell doesn’t know what oatmeal is? Seriously. I know plenty of people who do not like oatmeal. I know people who call oatmeal by a different name. I’ve never met anybody besides newborns who don’t know what oatmeal is. That’s just bizarre.
If you had never heard of oatmeal then how did you come up with idea that cheese should go into it? How are you a food service employee but yet you’ve never heard of oatmeal? It is truly amazing the people they hire. Most of the other employees are special, but even they are not as dumb as this woman.
I see stupid people.