Daily News November 2

Today is Tuesday, November 2.  It is the 306^th day of the year with 59 to go.

Today’s History

In 1889, North Dakota and South Dakota became the 39^th and 40^th states.
In 1948, Harry S. Truman won the presidency in a surprising victory over Republican challenger Thomas E. Dewey.

Today’s News

All Tricks No Treat
A 17 year old Atlanta boy is dead after he egged a Mercedes on Halloween night.  The boy was out goofing off with friends when they decided to egg cars passing on their block.  The owner of the Mercedes got out of the car and fired 10 shots at the boy, hitting him in the head and neck as he tried to run away.  The owner of the Mercedes then tried to flee the scene but was later captured by police.  The boy died on the way to the hospital.

Sometimes stuff is funny and then sometimes it isn’t.  Egging a car is a harmless prank but these days people get so worked up over everything.  I’m not saying that the boy was right for vandalizing someone’s property, but really, egging a car (that can be washed) versus getting shot in the neck?  Somehow the two don’t equate.

More Tricks Still No Treat
A newlywed Atlanta woman is dead after a Halloween party.  Atlanta police were called and notified of shots fired.  When they arrived they found the woman dead of multiple gunshot wounds.  Later police received a report of a naked man wandering through a park.  The man turned out to be the woman’s brand new husband.  After some questioning, the man was charged with the woman’s murder; however, there is no motive at this time.

Well, this is a little bizarre.  You just got married and then you decide to kill your wife then wander around the neighbourhood butt ass naked.  Maybe he was setting up his psychiatric defense, or maybe he really is crazy.  Maybe he had a problem with her going to a Hallowe’en party and not inviting him.  I know I shouldn’t make fun of it, but these new stories never really give you all the information so sometimes you just have to make up your own conclusion.

Here’s Your Treat
Maryland State Police arrested a man Halloween night because he was wearing nothing but a diaper and cursing at people while he trick-or-treated.  The man was said to be cursing at children and adults in an attempt to get them candy.  No word on if he was drunk or high at the time, or just mentally ill.

And they didn’t say why he had on a diaper.  Was he posing as a baby for Halloween?  Or was the diaper part of his lunatic costume?

Who Said Civility Is Dead?
North Carolina police have arrested two men after they burgled a home and robbed the family of $5000 worth of electronics and other goods.  The super geniuses had the nerve to leave several thank you notes.  One note simply said:  “Thanks,” and another note said, “Thanks.  We love the stuff we got.”  These morons, who already had criminal records, were found from their fingerprints on the thank you notes.  Among the stolen items were a box of corn dogs, some chicken and beer.

What can even be said about such stupidity?  Nothing.  Moving on.

Congratulations, It’s Illegal Drugs!
Cincinnati prison guards discovered that one of their pregnant inmates wasn’t just carrying a baby, but something else as well.  The woman was being prepped for a Cesarean section when nurses discovered 15 pills stuff up her vagina.  The woman was arrested the day before for stealing a computer from Wal-Mart.  Generally, this particular prison does not do routine cavity searches.

Hmm, so unless you are incapacitated, wouldn’t you be like, “Uh, before we get started, can I go to the bathroom?” so you can get rid of the stuff you have packed up your cooch?  This is all quite bizarre.  You’re about to have a baby and you know what part of the body that includes, right?  Right?  I hope.  Apparently not because they found the drugs anyway.  I mean, just because you are having a Cesarean, that doesn’t mean anything.  But you know what, let’s forget about that for a moment, was she actually planning on USING the pills she had up there????

Brother, Can You Give Me a Ride?
California police are searching for a man who robbed a bank and then ran out into the street asking people for a getaway ride.  The man entered a bank and demanded $20 and $100 bills from the teller.  When she failed to move as quickly as he wanted, he jumped up on the counter and snatched the money from her.  He then ran out onto the street and he realized that he had no way of getting away from the robbery, so he offered $1000 to anybody who would help him escape to Santa Cruz.

Apparently he was able to get someone to take him up on the offer because police are still searching for the man.  They have no idea where he is.  What kind of genius sets up a bank robbery but then doesn’t set up a way to get out?

Today’s Thought

The amount of sleep required by the average person is just five minutes more.  –Anonymous

Daily News April 27

Today is Tuesday, April 27, 2010.  It is the 117^th day of the year with 248 days to go.

Today’s History

In 1810, Ludwig von Beethoven wrote Für Elise.
In 2009, a Mexico City toddler was the first swine flu death on American soil.

Today’s News

911 Taxi
A Connecticut woman has been arrested on six counts of misuse of the 911 system after she called 911 several times to request a ride home from a club.  The woman was apparently intoxicated and was concerned about driving drunk, so she continued to dial 911 until a police officer did arrive to give her a ride—to jail.

After all the stories I’ve printed about people misusing 911, why do people persist?  Just in case you didn’t know the 911 system is not a cab service.  They are able to give you a ride, but not to the place you want.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
An NYC homeless man trying to help save someone else’s life was left to die in the middle of the street.  According to the investigation, the homeless man saw a woman being attacked by her boyfriend and went to help her.  He was stabbed several times during the altercation.  The couple ran away when someone else called 911 at 6AM to report the incident but when police arrived they could not find anyone.  Police think the wrong address was given.  The man lay dying in the street for another hour with several people walking past his body without doing anything.  Surveillance cameras in the area showed several people simply walking past the man, or stopping to stare at him.  One person even stopped and lifted up the body to see the pool of blood beneath the man. That person then walked away.  Someone called 911 at 7AM but again the wrong address was given.  Thirty minutes later, another 911 call came in and this time police were able to find him but the man was already dead.

That’s really sad.  I hope I never need help from anybody.  I don’t want to be lying in the street, bleeding to death and people just randomly walk past me like I’m a part of the sidewalk.  The residents in the neighbourhood say it’s not unusual to see people sleeping in the street and others say it’s not their job to determine whether someone needs help or if they’re just trashed.  No, it’s not your job, but everybody wants to live decently.  Whether the guy was drunk or dead, do you really want him lying there in front of your home or business?  People just don’t care anymore, but then again, you don’t want to get involved because you don’t want anybody to come after you.  That’s why I’m moving to Antarctica.

Penis Police
Potential candidates for the police or military in Indonesia will not be able to join if they have had a penis enlargement.  Anybody already in the police or military will be discharged if they decide to get a penis enlargement.  In addition to the hundreds of other questions asked on a military and police application, candidates will also be asked if their “vital organ has been enlarged.”  A police chief stated that men who’ve had an enlargement will be declared unfit for duty because such unnatural sizes are a hindrance during training activities.  According to information, penis enlargement is popular in this area of the world where men often wear additional appendages to appear larger.  Other men use a different technique which involves wrapping the penis in a leaf called gatal-gatal, which strangely means “itchy,” so that the penis will swell up and appear larger.

There are so many things I could say about this, but I’ll refrain from doing so because I could probably go on for days.  Seriously, though, are some men that insecure that they would go to such lengths (I guess the pun is intended) by wrapping their special parts in a leaf that makes them itchy and swollen?  That can’t be safe.  Even if it does get bigger, is still functional?  My guess is that it would be all irritated and you’d spend a lot of time scratching and adjusting.  I want to say something else, but I’m just going to let it go.  But I do wonder how large these penises get that they are a “hindrance” to training.  What sort of training activities do they do in their military that requires a smaller penis?  Okay, I’m done.

Ooops, My Bad
Colorado police are looking for a man who broke into a family home in the middle of the night, then left without taking anything.  The couple in the home stated that a man entered their bedroom at 3 in the morning and waved a gun in their face.  He informed them that he was there to rob them and then he said, “Oh, I’m in the wrong house.  I’m sorry.”  The man reportedly left after that without injuring anyone or taking any items.

Okay, well, first, can you please make sure you have the right address before you attempt to rob someone?  Secondly, if you’re going to go through all that trouble and even if you did get the wrong house, why not just rob them anyway?  I wonder if he intended to rob the house next door or just across the street.  The police don’t say if there were any other break-ins on the block.  He might have been a drunk.  People are so strange.

Be Glad You’re American
Aren’t you glad that you’re an American and you can do things like go to the movies or the circus, and have gold teeth?  And we’re not just talking about limitations on women’s movements, but la-dee-da-dee everybody.  The people of Turkmenistan are once again glad they’re Turkmen because the ban on the circus has been lifted.  The previous president who was in charge for 21 years banned the circus, the movie theatre, opera, the ballet, lip-syncing and gold teeth because these were all seen as “alien.”  The new president has lifted the bans on these activities, however, ballet is still a no-go.  Hundreds of children lined up to see the circus for the first time ever this past weekend.  Before the ban was lifted, the only movie theatres were banquet halls with a large old school television and a DVD player.  Viewers got to vote on the limited movie selection from the local video store.

Not even Blu-Ray?  America ain’t perfect, but why you would want to live anywhere else is beyond me.

Today’s Thought

For those who do not think, it is best at least to rearrange their prejudices once in a while.  –Luther Burbank

Daily News April 14

Today is Wednesday, April 14, 2010.  It is the 104^th day of the year with 261 to go.

Today’s History

In 1828, the first edition of Noah Webster’s American Dictionary of the English Language was published.
In 1865, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth at Ford’s Theatre.
In 1912, the RMS Titanic collided with an iceberg and began sinking.

Today’s News

Starting Young
Police in Pennsylvania are investigating a third grade student who may have given his classmates heroin.  The eight year old boy allegedly handed out small bags of heroin labeled “trust me.”  The street value of the heroin is approximately $1000.  Parents were notified that some students came into contact with the substance.

I know they’ve got an investigation going on but can they please give me some more information?  Where did the boy get the stuff?  Is the kid normally a trouble maker?  Did any of the kids actually snort it?  (Do you snort heroin?  Or inject it?)  How did they find out it was that kid giving the stuff out?  What did his parents say?  What did the kid say?  This could be an interesting story if they actually gave out a little more information.  But let this be a lesson to all parents:  hide your stash.

Starting Young, Part 2
A British retailer has decided against selling a two piece bikini with a padded bra.  What’s so wrong with that you ask?  The two piece bikini with padded bra was marketed at seven year old girls.  Children advocates became enraged when the skimpy bikini hit the racks in stores across London.  Some say that particular style of bathing suit sexualizes children and encourages them to grow up quickly.  The bikini was denounced as the “paedo-bikini,” as in paedophilia.  The retailer said that the padding was not to give little girls a booby boost but to protect their modesty and to give them privacy.

What a crock.  Privacy?  Seriously, that’s what they said?  If the bathing suits were for 15 year olds, I’d still be annoyed, but aimed at seven year old girl? That’s just beyond belief and quite disgusting.  They should take a look at whatever perve designed that thing in the first place.  But then again, there are some parents that don’t see anything wrong with this at all.

You Again!
A Maryland man must feel like he has déjà vu after he got into a drunk driving accident with a judge who could have sent him to jail years ago.  The man had gone to court in 1998 for drunk driving when he failed a field sobriety test.  The judge who oversaw his case at the time decided not to send him to jail even though the man already had two drunk driving arrests in three months.  Now in 2010, the man is drinking and driving again, and this time he hit somebody:  that same judge!  The judge and his wife were both injured in the crash.

Two drunk driving charges, and he’s up on a third and you decide not to send him to jail, and now look, a fourth drunk driving charge.  I bet the judge wishes he would have sent the guy to jail in the first place.

And The Winner Is…
…the woman who set her own hair on fire!  A woman from Indiana has accepted her town’s top prize:  The Village Idiot Award.  She was lauded with this honour after she set her own hair on fire while trying to light a cigarette.  The woman admitted to having sprayed half a bottle of hairspray in her hair, which caused it to be more flammable than usual.  She said she was driving to work when she tried to light a cigarette.  There was so much hairspray in her hair that it immediately ignited.  She was able to put the fire out with her hands, which were also coated in hair spray.  The Village Idiot Award comes with a $100 bar tab at a local inn.

Because a person like that needs more alcohol in her life.

He Wasn’t Dead Yet
A German woman has been arrested on suspicion of trying to smuggle a corpse aboard an aircraft, however, she claims that he was still alive when they reached the airport.  “He will still warm at home,” she said after authorities spotted her pushing the husband through the airport in a wheelchair.  The corpse was wearing sunglasses.  Airline officials became suspicious and denied the couple boarding.  The woman stated that she wanted to have him cremated and fly home to Berlin with his ashes.  They were in the UK, spending time with their daughter as they do every year before going back to Germany.

Let’s just say for a minute, that he was dead this entire time, how did she plan on getting him into his seat on the plane?  She was just going to pick him up and shove him into those tiny little seats?  What if he had an aisle seat and the passenger on the window wanted to get up?  Okay, let’s say he was alive when she left home and he died at the airport, can you please explain why she just continued on like nothing happened?  Oh, Herbert’s dead, oh well.  Let’s just keep going.  We don’t want to miss our flight.

Two For One
Nevada police were somehow able to make two DUI arrests from one SUV, after another motorist reported an unsafe driving act.  A driver of another vehicle called 911 after seeing an SUV swerve all over the road.  The driver followed the SUV to a fast food restaurant and witnessed the passenger get out of the passenger seat and stagger over to the driver’s side.  The passenger then pulled the driver get out the car and carried him over to the passenger side.  The passenger then staggered back to the driver side and took the wheel himself.  When police arrived on the scene, both the passenger and driver were found to have three times the legal limit of alcohol.

Two drunks don’t equal a sober driver, or whatever else twisted logic they were trying to come up with.

Today’s Thought

As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.  — Abraham Lincoln

Daily News March 25

Today is Thursday, March 25, 2010.  It is the 84^th day of the year with 281 days to go.

Today’s History

In 1634, English colonists sent by Lord Baltimore arrived in present-day Maryland.
In 1965, Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr led 25000 marchers to the state capitol in Montgomery, Alabama to protest the denial of voting rights to blacks.

Today’s News

Would You Like Handcuffs With That?
A Connecticut man and a teenager are under arrest after they attempted to rob a bank, but only after they warned the bank they were coming.  The two would-be robbers called the bank up and told an employee to get a bag of money ready because they were on their way to rob the place.  Instead of a bag of money, the robbers found the police waiting for them ten minutes after making the call.  They were arrested and are being held on robbery and threatening charges.

Seriously?  I mean, seriously.  Why would you think that you could just call up a bank and tell them you were on your way to rob them, and they WOULDN’T do anything about it except get some bags of money ready for you?  Who would even think that?  They shouldn’t go to jail; they should just get kicked in the face and laughed at. 

Be Careful What You Ask For
A Florida man got exactly what he asked for after he tried to break back into a prison.  The man had originally gone to jail for manslaughter but was released after serving his time.  The man returned to the prison, begging to be readmitted because he feared the victim’s family would come after him.  When he was told that he would not be allowed to return, he then attempted to scale a 12 foot high barbed wire fence in an effort to get back into the jail.  He was severely injured in the attempt.  He was also arrested and sentenced to fifteen years for violating his parole. 

This is laughable on both sides of the story.  On one hand, you got a super-genius trying to get back in jail and he gets exactly what he wants after he was told, “No, you can’t come back.”  The other side is just as laughable because the guy was seriously scared something bad was going to happen to him on the outside.  He asked for help (the only type of help he knew about) but was rejected.  He tries to get back into the prison and gets 15 years.  Fifteen years.  Seriously.  He needs counseling and help relocating so he can get his life back together.  He was originally in jail for manslaughter, an accidental death.  He had been there since he was a teenager.  Do you honestly think he knew of some rational way of getting the help he needed?  But they gave him fifteen years in prison for that.  He’ll be 40 years old when he gets out, and where do you think he’ll end up after that? 

BO Only, Please, Thanks
A Detroit city employee is hoping that her office will be filled with the sweet stench of body odor rather than the heavy, cloying perfumes that have been clogging her nasal passages.  The woman has filed a lawsuit claiming that the stanky perfume of her co-worker made her so ill she could not work.  The lawsuit alleges that all scented products are discrimination against Americans with disabilities.  If she wins, then no one will be able to wear any health and beauty product with a scent.

Extreme much?  Yes, there is nothing worse than being shut up in some dreary cubicle next to your old ass co-worker whose favourite perfume is White Shoulders and cat hair.  Men’s aftershave, hairspray, and my co-worker’s lunch make me sneeze too.  Not to mention all of the chain smokers I work with, who drift into the office after every smoke break smelling like the Marlboro Man the day after he died of lung cancer.  What about all the people who don’t bathe regularly?  I propose that we all come to work wearing HAZMAT suits with personalized oxygen tanks.  There will be no more eating and drinking in the office.  In fact, remove all nearby restaurants to a safe distance because the smell of fried foods makes me nauseous.  No smoking within a 500 mile radius of the office.  Also, no parking within 5000 feet because car exhaust irritates me.   And strip all the grass and trees from the property because I get hay fever in the spring.  I need this lady to pop a Zyrtec and move on with her life.

Why You All In My Grill?
A Tennessee inmate has been awarded $95,000 after a corrections officer snatched his grill out of his mouth and left him in excruciating pain.  The man had been arrested for not paying child support.  During in-processing at the jail he was told to remove the jewellery from his teeth but he informed the guard that the grill had been cemented in his mouth years ago.  The officer then reached in and yanked the grill out by force. Cement and enamel from the four front teeth was also stripped in the process.  The man complained that he was in pain but he was denied medical treatment for more than a week.  The officer responsible for the incident has been demoted and suspended without pay.

 

The good thing is that the man will be able to get a new grill and pay his child support at the same time.  How cool is that?

Dearly Departed Passenger
A funeral director was shocked to find that the minivan used to transport the recently deceased to their final destinations had been towed from the parking space directly in front of the funeral home.  The funeral director stated that the placard that indicated what type of vehicle the van was must have fallen flat in the windshield.  An NYPD parking enforcement officer simply saw a van illegally parked.  Because the van’s windows were tinted so darkly, he could not tell there was a body in the back of the van.  The funeral director was supposed to deliver the body to Miami where it would be buried, but he had run inside the funeral home for a few minutes.  In that time, the van and the body was towed and sent to the impound lot.  He was able to retrieve the body in time for it to make the flight to Miami.

It’s lucky he figured the van had been towed rather than stolen, because then how would he explain to the loved ones that he had no idea where the body of their family member disappeared to?  I can imagine this guy running around town looking for a dead body in the back of a van.

Today’s Thought

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.  –Andre Gide

Daily News March 11

Today is Thursday, March 11, 2010.  It is the 70^th day of the year with 295 days to go.

Today’s History

In 1861, the Constitution of the Confederate States of America was adopted during a convention in Montgomery, Alabama.
In 2004, 10 bombs exploded on a commuter rail in a Al-Qaeda terrorist attack in Madrid, Spain.

Today’s News

Second Life, Real Life
A South Korean couple has been arrested after they allegedly let their real toddler starve to death while they raised a fake child online.  According to reports, the couple would feed their real kid only once a day while they sat for hours in an internet café where they played a fantasy role playing game.  The game involves raising a child with mysterious powers whose skills increase as the game continues.  The father stated that he wished his real child had not gotten sick, but she “will live well in heaven forever.”  The couple had lost their job and the real child was born prematurely.  They used the online game to escape reality. 

I guess they are going to be even more stressed out when they go to jail.  Who’s going to raise the fake internet child?  These people can let a real baby starve while they sit around in an internet café all day long playing with a fake baby, but when people start suggesting that people should have a license to procreate, everyone gets all upset. 

Milk’s Away!
A Kentucky woman who was already in jail for public intoxication is now being charged with third degree assault on a police officer after she squirted a prison guard with breast milk.  The woman had just undergone a search before she entered the prison and was changing into a prison uniform.  The woman and guard got into an altercation so the woman squirted her in the face with breast milk.

I’m a little bit confused by this.  The woman had just been searched and now she is changing into a prison uniform.  Why is the guard standing so close to her?  Unless this woman has some kind of super extra high speed mammary glands and she can squirt milk 10 feet across a room, I don’t understand how this could have happened.  Since boobs are down here and the guard’s face is up there, it just seems a little farfetched to me.  I wish these news stories would explain things a little more.  I want to see the police report.

If It Didn’t Work Before…
…it probably won’t work this time.  An Alaskan woman is under arrest for once again trying to steal a TV and escaping in a cab.  The woman was arrested last year after she walked out of Sam’s Club without paying for several TVs worth $6,000.  She hailed a cab outside the store and tried to get away, but was stopped and arrested.  The woman finally posted bail for that incident last Friday, and today she has been arrested again for doing the same thing.  She went into a Fred Meyer store, snatched a TV and then went outside to get a cab, but was once again caught. 

So you realize that your method is not working, right?  Maybe you should try something else.  But seriously, how did she even make it out of Sam’s Club in the first place?  You know any time you try to leave any Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club, some grandpa is waiting at the door trying to check your receipt.  Sometimes they let you slide, but if someone strolls up with eight TVs in their cart, you can best believe that grandpa is waiting for you with his little pink highlighter. 

The Saviour
A 7 year old California boy is responsible for saving his family’s life.  When three gunmen broke into his family’s home, the little boy and his six year old sister hid in a locked bathroom with a cell phone.  The intruders held the parents at gun point and threatened to steal whatever they wanted from the home.  The boy called 911 and told the operator, “There’s some guy who’s going to kill my mom and dad.  Bring cops.  A lot of them!  And soldiers, too.”  The gunmen broke into the bathroom and took the phone away from the child.  Then he told them that he had called 911.  Upon hearing that, the suspects fled the home without harming anybody or taking anything.  The men are still on the loose.

Good job, kid!  Even though he was scared, he knew exactly what to do:  hide somewhere and call 911.  Parents of small children should start teaching them very early how to call 911 in case something happens.  Some people don’t want to expose their children to the negative violence of life and you would hope that your home is never invaded, but it could also be for medical reasons.  There are plenty of stores of small kids calling 911 after a family member has had a heart attack or has become somehow incapacitated. 

Doesn’t Pay Like It Used To
The economy is so bad that even the criminals are taking a pay cut.  California police are searching for a woman who robbed 11 customers at a supermarket Wednesday night.  The woman was armed with a semi-automatic pistol and confronted several customers inside the store, demanding money from them.  She got what she could from them and then robbed another customer who was on his way into the store.  The woman fled with a grand total of $6.  No one was hurt in the incident.

Six whole dollars?  And what is so pathetic is that if she had been caught, she would have done time for armed robbery for six measly dollars.  You can barely buy a value meal at McDonald’s with $6.  That’s not enough money to put gas in the getaway car.  Sad.

In the House of the Lord
Iowa police have arrested a man on second degree burglary charges after he broke into a church and used the equipment to watch porn.  A member of the church caught the man trying to haul away a garbage can full of food, kitchen utensils, clothes, electronics and a large flat screen television.  The man stated that he watched porn, scavenged the place, then slept in the basement.  He was trying to sneak away the following morning when he was caught. 

What kind of loser breaks into a church to watch porn?  Can’t you do that at home?  It’s a little bit bizarre because the article doesn’t say where he got the porn from.  Was the porn already in the church?  Did he bring the porn with him?  If he brought it with him, I need to understand why he felt that a church would be the best place for his activities.  And then on top of that, he spent the night and robbed the place.  I mean, really.  The church is a sanctuary, but let’s not get overboard.

Take the Keys, Kid, Mommy’s Had Too Much
Remember the first time you got to get behind the wheel of a car?  Some of us didn’t have to wait until 16.  Maybe your dad let you drive around the Wal-Mart parking lot when you were 15, maybe even 14.  I’m pretty sure that sneaky little driving lesson didn’t involve your mother or father being so completely trashed that you were the trusted individual to drive.  A Nebraska woman is under arrest for three counts of child neglect after she allowed her 14 year old son to drive the family home when she became too intoxicated to drive.  Deputies spotted the family van swerving all over the street.  When they stopped the vehicle, they discovered a 14 year old kid in the driver seat.  His mother was in the passenger seat, completed toasted, while two other kids age 14 and 17 were in the back.  The children have been removed from the home.

Seriously?  Okay, what’s wrong with this article?  Why isn’t the 17 year old driving?  I hate these articles don’t tell the whole story.  Just because you’re 17 doesn’t mean you have a license but I think you might be a better candidate for designated driver than a 14 year old, unless the 17 year old was blind or had Down’s Syndrome.  Clearly the mother was that sauced she couldn’t even make THAT decision.  Nice.  Mother of the year, right there, folks.  

Today’s Thought

Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love.  –Dave McCullough

Daily News March 1

Today is Monday, March 1, 2010.  It is the 60^th day of the year with 305 days to go.

Today’s History

In 1790, President George Washington signed a measure authorizing the first U.S. Census.
In 1867, Nebraska became the 37^th state.
In 1932, Charles Lindbergh Jr was kidnapped from his home in New Jersey.
In 1961, President John F. Kennedy established the Peace Corps.

Today’s News

So You Think You’re Slick
A Baltimore inmate serving three life terms for attempted murder is back behind bars after he was mistakenly released.  Police say Raymond Taylor swapped identities with his cellmate of similar appearance so that he could get released from prison.  The cellmate gave Taylor his prison ID, and Taylor memorized his identification number.  Taylor was asked several times by various prison officials to produce his ID and the identification number.  All three times the ID was checked and eventually Taylor was released from prison.  Taylor’s cellmate was the one who was actually supposed to be released.  That is how prison authorities realized they had the wrong person.  Several hours after Taylor was gone, the cellmate began banging on the door demanding to be released.  Taylor was caught a day later in West Virginia.  The cellmate who would have been free as a bird, now faces an additional 10 years for conspiracy to aid a prisoner’s escape.

Stupid.  That guy could be out in the real world, enjoying a cold on but he got caught up with this clown. Taylor is in for life after attempting to kill his girlfriend and her kids.  I do wonder if Taylor somehow forced the cellmate to comply, or did they think of this idiotic scheme together.  If they were smart, and most criminals sadly are not, the cellmate would have waited a few days, rather than a few hours, so that Taylor could really get away.  I don’t know how he thought, “Okay, you go first and then in a minute I’ll be like, ‘hey, let me out.’”  As you can see that’s not how it works.

Snow Show
Pittsburgh emergency response systems are under investigation after a 50 year old man died while waiting for an ambulance that never came during the big snowstorm in early February.  The man called 911 to report that he had severe abdominal pain and needed help.  The operator told him that help was on the way.  The man and his girlfriend called 10 more times over the course of 30 hours.  In late January, the man had been in the hospital for nine days due to an inflammation of the pancreas.  He was home recovering when the power went out during the major snow.  Each time he called 911, it was treated as a new call because the operators were not passing on information between shift change.  He was also told that he would have to walk to the ambulance because they could not reach him because of the snow.  Twice, an ambulance was a quarter mile from the house but they claimed they could not get any closer because of a snow covered bridge.  On a third occasion, an ambulance did get across the bridge and made it about 100 yards from the house but none of the paramedics attempted to walk to the house.  They told the man that he would have to walk to them.  Approximately 19 calls were made to 911 before the girlfriend realized he was dead.  After calling 911 for the final time, it took emergency personnel two minutes to show up.

This happened during the first snow we got.  Pittsburgh got two feet of snow.  Pittsburgh is a city that gets heavy amounts of snow, but I know it came down pretty hard and fast for awhile.  I can understand the ambulance not being able to get through some spots, but I don’t understand why the paramedics didn’t get out and try to walk.  I know nobody wants to walk in all that, but if that’s your job and what you signed up to do, you have a duty to try and save some guy’s life.  It’s absolutely crazy they called 19 times and then they responded so quickly only after he died. 

Insult to Injury
A Russian man in Moscow not only has to deal with the trauma of a suicide attempt, but he must also pay for it.  A Russian court has decided that he will have to pay $3330 to a girl that he fell on while attempting to commit suicide.  The man had been arguing with his ex-wife when he jumped out of a nine storey window.  A seven year old girl walking down the street happened to be in the way and broke his fall.  The girl is still in hospital but is expected to recover. 

Not only did he screw up trying to kill himself, he managed to injure someone else in the process, and now he has to pay for it.  As you can see suicide is not the answer.

Ninja Mom
Tennessee police have arrested a woman who tried to confront the parents of kids that bullied her child at school.  The woman was apparently drunk after chugging down a 40 ounce bottle of malt liquor then decided to run screaming through a school hallway with a sword.  The day before, her child had got into a spitting match with several other students, and the woman wanted to confront the parents of those kids.  Police arrived to find the woman with one of those canes that has a concealed sword in it.  She is charged with aggravated assault and having a weapon on school property.

So her kid was getting picked on at school and the best way to solve this problem was to show up trashy drunk with a sword.  That poor kid… I hope you realize, mom, that you have solidified your kid’s status as the one to be bullied for the rest of his school life.  Thanks, mom.  I didn’t know you cared.

A Life of Crime
An 80 year old woman has been sentenced to three years in state prison after she broke into a medical office in California and stole some cash.  The woman has a 55 year long criminal record.  She has used 27 aliases and has been in jail several times.  During her arraignment, she actually thanked the judge for not sending her to Los Angeles County jail because she “doesn’t like that one.”  Grandma will be eligible for parole in 18 months.

I guess you got to stick with what you know, but I need Grandma to get another job though.  Eighteen months is a lifetime when you’re 80 years old.  I hope she don’t die in there.

Butt Dialling
Two Florida teenagers are under arrest after one of them accidentally butt-dialled 911 while they were breaking into people’s cars.  The two teens, aged 19 and 13, were overheard by a 911 operator discussing which items had the most monetary value while they were digging through the cars they had broken into.  The operator dispatched an officer to the area and spotted one of the kids inside a car. 

This is why you aren’t supposed to bring your cell phone to work. 

Today’s Thought

There is one thing more powerful than the armies of the world, and that is an idea whose time has come.  –Victor Hugo