Food Nazis
The sinks at the chow hall are not authorised for foot bathing.
Anybody been in the chow hall lately? I don’t go often, very randomly for breakfast and parboiled steak and frozen pre-made fried shrimp night. Other times I avoid the place like the plague. At any rate, I have noticed the uptick in signage around the place. So, apparently, the sinks at the entrance of the chow hall are only for hand-washing. All this time we’ve been here and I did not know that. Like I said, I don’t go up to the chow hall often, choosing to lay in bed starving, rather than to make that almost one-mile walk through an open field of rocks and sand. I always thought the sinks were a place I could shampoo my hair. They remind me of the sinks you see in a beauty parlours, or the foot baths in a nail salon. I did not think anybody would mind if I started giving myself a pedicure in one of the sinks. Now because they put up those signs, “These sinks are for hand-washing ONLY,” I now understand that you are not supposed to use the sinks for hoe baths. Thanks for clearing that up and I am sorry if I offended anyone.
A recent Army investigation has discovered that these things are death traps.
And speaking of idiotic signage, I have now learned that hot foods cannot go in small to-go containers. The Army usually does everything with safety in mind, so I can only guess that putting hot food in a small container presents some kind of danger to Soldiers. Probably a Soldier was killed when he accidentally put hot food in a small to-go container. You know how the Army can get after a senseless Soldier death. They immediately ban it, even if the chances of further death and dismemberment are small. I am surprised we did not have to have a brief about it. To ensure that all Soldiers comply with this safety precaution, the chow hall has set up a manned to-go box station. The Soldier posted there is to make sure that everyone else knows that hot foods do not go in a small container. You can only put hot foods in the large container. After a lengthy Pentagon review, large containers have been approved for the use of hot foods. But you’re only allowed one. And that Soldier posted there is going to make damn sure of it. ONE large container and ONE small container, and you better not put any hot foods in that small container. Your life is at risk.
I tell you, I am so glad that the Army puts safety first. You do not know what a relief it is to me to know that he is looking out for me so that I do not have to. The chow hall has no less than NINE guards posted around the establishment to ensure everyone’s safety. Doesn’t that comfort you? This morning I went to the chow hall to get an egg and I noted these nine guards. There is one guard posted at each serving area. Then there’s the guard at the to-go box station. There are two more guards standing between the food serving area and the dining area. Then, on any given day, there are at least four or five guards posted at the back door to make sure that no one comes back in for dessert. Apparently, that is also a safety hazard. When you exit the facility to throw out your trash and then return to get dessert, that is a danger to other Soldiers, so the Army has thoughtfully placed four guards at the exit to make sure you don’t put my life on the line by coming back for that cookie.
Even though I feel much safer with the thought of nine Soldiers standing around the chow hall doing absolutely nothing, you know what I think? I think they could take those nine assholes and send them over to the other chow hall so they can open that bitch up again so nobody would have to stand in line for 25 minutes to get some undercooked and tasteless food. Has anybody else noticed how ridiculous it has gotten lately? Last night at dinner, the line was so long that it escaped out of the T-wall barriers and was halfway to the front door of that place across from the gym. Frequently at midnight chow you will wait 15 minutes or longer because they only open one serving line.
I think, instead of ten people standing around hawking how many cartons of soy milk or cookies a Soldier is taking out the chow hall, perhaps they should be put to work to figure out how to make the dining experience a little less like bullshit. I feel like suddenly there has become this emphasis on how much food is leaving the chow hall. I know that every Soldier should have the opportunity to eat, and I think for the most part they do. I don’t think anybody has gone to the chow hall and they were COMPLETELY out of food. You may have gone and discovered there was no more jell-o at the salad bar, or no more macadamia cookies, but you’ve never gone up there and there was no meat or all the side dishes were gone. The only reasons Soldiers are stocking up on food is because they are actually eating it and not throwing it away at the end of the night like the chow hall does. The next time you do head count, just watch. At the end of the meal, the workers grab up those pans, whether there is still food in them or not, and stack them up together and send them off to be scraped and washed. They do not save that shit. So who cares if some Soldier comes in and asks for 19 pieces of chicken? Maybe he’s taking it back to his buddy who is stuck at work. Oh, but you’re not allowed to do that. According to the sign, only ONE meal per ID card.
Yeah, a little less stupid signage and a little more common sense, please.
And where the hell is the lemon cake? Send one of those nine useless bodies to find out what happened to the lemon cake. Nobody likes that dry fake ass Wal-mart brand white cake, and you know it.
