The Road Less Travelled #10

Madonna Estates Vineyards

Tuesday

Instead of Baywatch Cafe I headed across the street to Mel’s Diner, despite warnings from the front desk guy that it was an evil chain.  It is a chain but only in California, and not even all over California.  They give you plenty of food but it’s crowded in there so service is a little wonky.  I don’t need anybody to dance attendance upon me while I’m scarfing down an omelet and coffee so it didn’t really bother me.

Now it’s time to start exploring.  Instead of bothering with that confounded 511 website, I just used Google maps to find my way around.  So much faster and less of headache.  Google maps told me to walk up to Jackson Street to catch the bus.  And by up, they meant UP.  My goodness.  These hills.  It’s a workout, that’s for sure.  How you San Franciscans get on with it everyday is beyond me, but I guess it’s what you’re used to.  It made me wonder if the city was very accessible to the disabled and elderly.

It took me about 15 minutes to go a quarter of a mile up that hill.  I’m sadly out of shape, I know.  The bus took me to the Castro, San Francisco’s gay community.  Previously, I always thought of San Francisco as one BIG gay community.  I don’t know where I got that impression.  At any rate, I always like gay communities because there is such an emphasis on community.  I’ve never been to a gay community that is run-down, ramshackle or derelict in some way.  There’s always interesting shops and curious things to do, and San Francisco really exemplifies that.

If you’re funny about such things, I really wouldn’t worry about it.  It’s not like everyday there’s a gay pride parade, just people going about their business.  There are some interesting stores with names like Rock Hard, Sit’n'Spin and Hot Cookie.  I can’t remember what Rock Hard is, but Sit’n'Spin is a laundry place and Hot Cookie is well, a place that sells cookies.  And their cookies are great, let me tell you.  They do also sell chocolate dipped macaroons in the shape of men’s parts, in case you were interested.

There were better variety stores in the Castro, and the souvenirs were a lot cheaper.  I collect snowglobes and a friend of mine collects magnets.  I was able to get a snow globe (not one of the cheap ones, either), two magnets, and some postcards for about $6.  You’ll be lucky if you could find such a deal in Fisherman’s Wharf.

After the Castro, I took the street car back down Market Street so I could transfer to Stockton Street to see China Town.  I’ve been to China Town in NYC, Honolulu and Philadelphia, you might ask yourself why I’d be so interested but I just can’t stay away.  Besides, China Town is really the only place you can get pineapple stuffed buns.  If you ever read my Hawaii trip report you may remember the mad hunt for pineapple stuffed buns.  It’s something I used to eat as a kid when I lived in Japan, and whenever I am in China Town anywhere in the world I have to find them.  I found three different bakeries with pineapple stuffed buns, so I bought one from each to taste test.  I also bought red bean paste bread and other carb-filled junk I don’t need.

China Town is full of junk, but there are some random curious wonders if you care to spend half an afternoon looking for it.  If you need ginseng or oolong teas, this would be the place to get it.  The trick is to shop where the locals are shopping.  You don’t see the locals buying China girl looking dresses, or those cheap $5 slippers, or “silk” pajamas and handbags.  Yes, I bought all of these things.  There’s really no rhyme or reason.  I felt like I needed them.  I’m sad to say that my China girl slippers snapped the next day.  : (

After China Town I went back to the hotel to rest a little bit.  This is the advantage of staying in the city.  When you get worn down you can come back to your hotel, rest up a little bit and then head back out again.  Besides, you need to be close by so you can stash your souvenirs.  You don’t want everyone to know how pounds of pineapple stuffed buns you bought.  It could be humiliating.

In one of those brochures at the front desk I saw an add for the Winery Collective that is down in Fisherman’s Wharf.  Warning bells should have gone off in my head but either I wasn’t paying attention or they weren’t loud enough.  They offer wine tasting and all this other wine related stuff, so I thought it would be interesting.  It was actually quite expensive.  It was $25 for six pours, and you really couldn’t mix and match unless you gave this impression you were about to buy something.  All of the wines were priced higher than my budget allowed for, so I ended up just tasting.

The woman who poured for me was really nice though.  We had a long chat about teaching abroad.  Apparently she was teaching English in Sendai, Japan when the big quake over there happened.  It was interesting to hear her perspective.  She gave me a few tips on applying to teach abroad, something I’ve been thinking about lately.

After the Winery Collective, I went to ride the cable cars.  What a disaster.  I only did it because it seemed like the tourist thing to do.  The queue was ridiculous.  I stood in line at the terminus on Hyde Street for about 30 minutes before I gave up.  I walked up Hyde and saw that there were additional stops, so I waited at one of those.  Three cable cars went past me because they were full.  I’m sure locals don’t ride the things because they are horribly expensive ($6 each way) and a completely ineffective and inefficient way to travel.  While I was waiting a limo pulled up and offered to take all of us for $5 each.  Nobody took him up on his offer.  The only reason I continued to wait is because I was on the phone with someone and didn’t realise that an hour and 15 minutes had passed before I was able to ride on the car.  Then I was stuffed in with about 30 other passengers.  It was madness, and just to go a few blocks up the street to Hyde Street Seafood House.

Dinner was excellent.  If you’re looking for seafood, I’d give Hyde Street Seafood House a try.  The prices are reasonable and it’s not all stuffy and over the top fancy.  There were quite a few other people in there dining alone.  I started with grilled calamari followed by garlic shrimp.  Really good.  They specialise in en papilotte (I think I spelled that right) where they wrap everything in a paper and bake it, or something.

I got back on the wretched cable car to go back down to catch the bus only because the cable car was RIGHT THERE at the door.  Otherwise I would have walked.  I wish I would have then I would not have witnessed such a grand display of rudeness from the grip guy (or whatever they’re called).  These Japanese tourists got on with me, but they could not understand the instructions that were being barked at them.  The operator wanted the man to come around to the right side, so that me and the woman could sit down on the bench.  Obviously they did not speak or understand English so they kind of stood there looking lost.  The operator just screamed at the guy, “Come around, or you’re gonna get left!”  Eventually he seemed to understand, so he came around but then he didn’t get that you’re not supposed to stand directly behind the operator.  So the operator just basically shoves him into the correct place and says, “All you have to do is say excuse me!  Geez!”  And then everyone started laughing.  I thought it was so rude.

When you work in a position like that, one that sees hordes of tourists everyday, I get that it grates on your nerves.  Tourists are looking for the perfect vacation and we’re not easy to deal with when we’ve plunked down a crapload of money to enjoy ourselves.  But that’s really no excuse to talk to people like that.  They were older and foreign, so maybe apply just a little bit of patience.  If you don’t like your job, quit.  There’s many in the unemployment line that will be glad to take up where you left off.

It’s amazing how the wind just randomly picks up in the evening.  By the time I got back to the hotel I felt frozen through.  Definitely need another crepe and hot mocha from Squat’n'Gobble.  I think I’ve eaten there three times since being in San Francisco.

Next morning I was still freezing so I could not go out for my morning run.  Instead I went to one of these neighbourhood gyms and paid an astronomical $25 guest fee just to be able to run indoors.  It’s one of those gyms where everyone is already slim and attractive.  They don’t go to get in shape; they just go to prance around in coordinated exercise outfits and designer water bottles.

I had my tour with Extranomical scheduled for today.  I did Muir Woods and 3 wineries.  Very nice.  I really enjoyed it.  The tour guide was funny and informative, but I do have to say that he was a bit long-winded.  I think most of us just wanted to have a nice relaxing ride but he went on for quite some time.

I liked Muir Woods but I think after Yosemite and Mt. Hood, I was pretty much all hiked out.  It’s still cold to me, so after a quick go around the trail I sat in the gift shop until it was time to go.  If you’re coming here on your own without a tour, I’d get here very early.  Extranomical got us there before the other tour buses arrived but as we were leaving it was like a plague of tour buses coming down the hill towards Muir Woods.  The guide said the best time was middle of the week in the morning.

My tour group consisted mostly of foreigners.  There were only about 5 or 6 Americans total.  One crazy guy called me “Queen of the trees” and we hadn’t even started drinking yet.  I thought he was Ukrainian but turns out he was from Croatia.

We stopped at Gloria Ferrer first where they gave us a glass of sparkling wine.  I didn’t really care for this winery so much.  We didn’t really taste anything, it was more of “look at our show room and buy stuff!”  Second, we visited Madonna Estates.  This was my favourite. This is a small family owned organic winery that dates back to before Prohibition.  They were able to survive Prohibition because they sold to the Catholic Church.  The woman there was extremely informative.  I took gads of notes.  I didn’t buy anything but I think I will join their wine club just as soon as Maryland lifts its ridiculous restrictions on mail order alcohol.

Lastly, we visited Cline Cellars.  I felt rushed here but this place is much bigger.  They said they’re family owned but it felt corporate.  I hardly had time to contemplate one pour before I was given another.  I couldn’t take any notes or even remember the names of whatever I tasted.  I did buy from them though and only because I didn’t want to go home empty handed.  A bought a Zinfandel and a blend, and some chocolate wine sauce, because I really need chocolate wine sauce.

At this point, several of us are a little tipsy.  Everyone is much friendlier by now.  It was still a little bit early by the time we headed back to SF, so the tour guide rode us up to the Headlands so we could get pictures of the bridge.  Finally!  A clear shot.  This whole time I was never able to get a good picture but in the afternoon the fog is gone and I could see the whole thing.  Nice.

I had dinner at New Country Sky, some Chinese spot across from the hotel.  I had to do a quick dine’n'dash because I had tickets to Rigoletto at the War Memorial Opera House.  I am a huge fan of opera and I kept seeing the signs all over the city.  I did a quick search on the website and found there were still reasonable tickets left.  It was a great show.  I won’t bore you with all the details because I know opera is not everyone’s cup of tea.  I had a great time.  I met some nice people and we had a great discussion on opera during intermission.  I think this was the best time I had in the city.

The next day I slept in a little because it’s time for me to move on.  Only two hours to Monterey but the hotel said they were strict about the check in time.  I tried to go to Lori’s Diner because the Extranomical Tour Guide said it was way better than Mel’s but I had an issue with parking.  I found a metered space.  I got out, read the meter carefully.  Read all the signs and proceeded to put my money in.  This guy comes running out of a hotel and says, “Don’t park there!  They will tow you!”  I was really confused by this because according to the signs I was good, but if a local gives you a warning you should heed it, otherwise it would have been a very expensive breakfast.

Whatever, it’s time to go San Francisco.

Coming up:  Monterey, Morro Bay, Paso Robles and the end of our adventure

The Road Less Travelled #9

Golden Gate Bridge

Monday

I got up very early to get my miles in.  I’m in San Francisco now, so where do I have to run?  Across the Golden Gate Bridge, of course!  I’ve run across the Brooklyn Bridge on the east coast.  I’m sure there are other famous bridges, but I’ve got one back east and this one in the west, that’s good enough for me.  It was very foggy in the bay when I started out.  I couldn’t get a good view of the bridge, but the point was to run not to sightsee (even though that’s what ended up happening).  I ran down Marina to that area under the bridge.  There are some vignettes there, so I stopped to read some of them before making that climb up some steps to the actual bridge.  The fog has shifted a little bit so the entire Sausalito side of the bridge is completely enshrouded.  I felt like I was running to the ends of the earth.  There’s a Star Trek:  TNG episode where Beverly Crusher is stuck in a warp bubble that’s shrinking.  That’s what I felt like.  If you have no idea what I’m talking about, don’t worry about it.  It was just spooky, that’s all.

I didn’t run across the whole bridge because it was more miles than I needed.  It’s 1.7 miles one way.  There was something odd I noticed on the bridge, and that was a phone a person could use in the event of a crisis.  I don’t usually go across bridges with the intention of leaping off, but I guess some folks do.  Later, I found out from the Extranomical tour guide that 1500 people have jumped to their deaths since the bridge was finished.  He also stated that every now and again some crazy person will run amock on the bridge.  He said just a little bit ago some guy climbed up the suspension and hung out there for three hours.  Not my idea of fun, but if you or someone you know is having issues, please seek help.

After my run, I had breakfast at the Baywatch Cafe.  It’s adjacent to the hotel.  It was just “meh,” nothing to write home about.  While I was having breakfast, I watched a couple across the street try unsuccessfully to hail a cab.  I was in the cafe approximately 30 minutes.  They were there before I arrived and they were still there after I left.  Their antics included running back and forth in between the cars, and jumping out in front of cabs.  (TIP:  Don’t do this.  Just call one.)  I do not know if San Francisco is one of those cities where you can just wave down a cab like you can in NYC.  These people were nuts.  I actually got kind of scared because the woman just jumped out in front of cab and he swerved to avoid hitting her.  He already had a fare.  I could see that, why couldn’t they?  I don’t know why they didn’t just call somebody.

Now, onto some sightseeing.  I tried to take the bus to Fisherman’s Wharf but ended up in China Town instead.  I don’t find that the San Francisco transit system is very simple.  The first thing is that the website was confusing.  Secondly, they don’t have a mobile website.  It’ll be 2013 in less than three months.  Let’s get with the program.  It took ages for the full website to load on my iPhone.  I put in where I was and where I wanted to go.  Take the #30 from Chestnut.  Sounds easy enough.  A lot of the buses I was on didn’t have the announcing thing that tells you what street you’re passing so you know where to get off.  I could have asked the driver but the bus was packed and I had to get on in the back (which I notice an awful lot of people getting on in the back and not paying).  Ending up in China Town was not really that big a deal.  I had this cheesy little tourist map I got from the front desk of the hotel so I just walked from Stockton to the Embarcadero and down to Fisherman’s Wharf.  I could have really just walked from the hotel over.  It’s hardly a mile.

The day is shaping up to really nice.  It’s warm and sunny.  At 10AM, the Wharf isn’t packed yet.  I could look around at my leisure.  It’s a tourist trap, of course, but it wasn’t horrible.  Everybody is trying to sell a boat ride or something.  If you are interested in going to Alcatraz, book in advance.  I understand that in the high season it’s booked up weeks in advance.  I think they only allow a certain amount of people on the island a day.  I didn’t feel like I should go to Alcatraz.  I went to Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia, and I guess it’s kind of the same thing.  One jail looks the same as any other, and having famous criminals locked up there doesn’t really mean anything to me.  Besides, if it’s all booked up like that, it means one thing to me:  CROWDED.  Ugh.  No thanks.

I walked to Ghiardelli Square for an ice cream cone.  The cone was stale so I ended up throwing it away.  While trying to decide if I wanted a bay cruise or not, I went into the Musee Mecanique.  It’s very cheesy, but there’s lots of old arcade stuff that might interest you.  There was an old guy with a handlebar moustache dancing to the old time piano.  He was dressed real dapper in a way you don’t see Americans dress anymore unless they’re going to a funeral or a wedding.  He was lost in the music like it brought back some very good memories for him.

In the end, I did go on a bay cruise, but I didn’t take one of the really big boats, the ones that probably can carry 100 passengers.  I opted for the smaller guys.  You’ll find them after the Boudin Bakery.  A lot of them can only take up 15-20.  It’s cheaper and more intimate, at least that is how I felt.  It’s also a little bit shorter, so if you don’t know if you can sit on a boat 3 hours, this might be the option for you.  I stopped to get a shrimp basket from one of the stands so I could take it on the boat with me.  The small boats let you bring alcohol.  I don’t know about the bigger ones.

Once again, I was not able to get a good view of the bridge because of the fog.  It was crazy because the fog only covered the bridge.  Everywhere else was clear.  I got some decent shots of Alcatraz and the San Francisco skyline.  I really enjoyed the cruise, and since it was only $15 I did not mind that I couldn’t get a good picture of the bridge.

After about three hours I had my fill of Fisherman’s Wharf.  There is quite a bit to do down here like race cars with navigation, race boats on the bay, segway tours and all kinds of gimmicks.  There’s a ton of souvenir shops and restaurants.  All the souvenirs are overpriced and according to the TA locals these restaurants are not the best.  Except for the shrimp basket, I didn’t have anything to eat down here.  The shrimp basket was greasy, but it’s fried food so what do you expect?  It was good enough for carrying around food.

I took a street car to Market Street where the shopping is.  I went looking for an Old Navy because I had a coupon to use.  Oh, look at that, the street car put me off right in front of it.  They must have designed the entire transit system just for me.  There’s a ton of shopping down here if that’s your thing.  Everything from high end to middle class shops.  You could wander around for hours, spending all your disposable income.  I only popped into a few stores.  When you are on a road trip, you can carry much more than if you flew to your destination but a month worth of travelling has stuffed my car to the gills.  I don’t even know how I’m going to get back east because I’m taking an additional passenger with me.  There’s so much junk in there.

Now I’ve wandered off the path where I started so it’s time to find another bus to take me back to the hotel.  That darn website.  Maybe it’s just me.  I just couldn’t figure it out.  It seems to take for granted that you are a local.  It told me to walk to Corbett Street to catch the bus.  Well, where the heck is that?  It didn’t even say walk east or west.  It just said go to Corbett Street.  While I was trying to navigate that website, some random guy comes up to the woman next to me and gives her a bouquet of flowers.  He said, “I just wanted to do something nice today.  Here you go” and walked off.  The woman was standing there like… what?  It made me smile though, as if I’d been the one to get the flowers.  Then strangely, the website refreshes itself and gives me a bus route I can actually find.  How weird.

When I got back to the hotel there was a slight fracas on the corner.  Apparently, some woman had knocked over this guy’s Ducati motorcycle.  Angry is not a strong enough word to describe his emotions, but they don’t allow that sort of language here on TA.  I did a bit of rubbernecking (can you rubberneck if you’re a pedestrian) and then went on about my business.

I went back to the hotel early because I planned a night of clubbing.  It’s been awhile since I’ve been out dancing.  I went to this place called Death Guild (I’ll let you figure it out).  Before I could get there I had a near death experience with the cab driver.  Not wanting to give up my precious parking space, I called a cab (instead of running into the street trying to catch one) to take me to the club.  Whoa!  He drove like a MANIAC.  For whatever reason, I don’t usually wear my seatbelt in a cab, but I buckled up because he had to be going 60 miles an hour through the city streets.  Sixty on a freeway isn’t dangerous, but 60 where there’s stoplights and pedestrians and slow moving vehicles.  My God, the way he threaded through the traffic, I almost got out and walked.

Then he said, “You can call me when you’re ready and I’ll come get you.”  Uh, no thanks!

The club was pretty fun.  Sometimes clubs like these can be in bad parts of town with that seedy element most tourists try to avoid.  I didn’t have any issues.  I had a real good time, but I will say that I’m not as young as I used to be.  I can’t believe I used to do this 5 times a week.  I used to hang out all hours, but around 1AM I had to call it quits.

Another death-defying cab ride back to the hotel.  I think he was worse than the first guy.  So I guess they all drive like that.  And this guy was even worse because he tried to pick me up.  “Come on, let me get to know you!”  He wasn’t threatening or harassing so I did not feel the need to run for my life.  It was more funny than anything.

The next day I slept in till 9.  Boy, I wasn’t even out that late and I didn’t even drink but yet I felt like road kill.  A cup of hot black coffee soon put me to rights so that I could tour the Castro, China Town and ride those dang cable cars all the tourists are going on about.  Also Winery Collective and Hyde Street Seafood House.  Coming up!

The Road Less Travelled #8

I actually did not do any sightseeing in Eureka because I was so tired and I had a lot of homework to do.  The front desk had a guide of 101 things to do in Humboldt County.  I took a copy, thinking I would actually have time to do some of those things but it never panned out.

I did dine out once however.  The first night I asked the clerk where a good seafood place was.  Before I could even finish the sentence he blurted out, “The Sea Grill.”  Okay, Sea Grill it is.  Usually, I dress for dinner.  I know this is not a habit many Americans keep, but I always change my dress, freshen my makeup (if I’m wearing any) and redo my hair.  My friends laugh at me, but I’m not letting go of the habit any time soon.  I said that I *usually* do this.  Sometimes I think, eff it I’m hungry.  Let’s eat.  Tonight was one of those nights, and of course, it would be the night that I felt entirely out of place being dressed like a bum.  It’s not that everyone in the Sea Grill was in a tux and a prom dress.  There were a few in jeans, but most people were decently attired.  The hostess looked at me like, “My God, what happened to you!” but she was too polite to say anything.

She gave me a table, explained the night’s specials and probably went into the back to laugh at me.  However poorly I was dressed, the food was superb.  I had black cod in soy ginger sauce.  You know I’ll eat anything that’s soy or ginger or Asian sounding.  I never eat restaurant vegetables, but these were really good and crisp.  I cleaned that whole plate.  If you’re ever in Eureka and you want some seafood, head to Sea Grill on 3rd and E.  It’s not especially expensive but it isn’t cheap either.

I spent the next day and a half trying to break into San Francisco.  My God, I’ve never had such a headache.  In some places spontaneity works, and others it just doesn’t.  San Francisco is not a city that you can just descend upon and think you’re gonna end up with a place to stay.  Any number of events could be going on, which is what I found out after a fruitless search for a reasonably priced hotel.  I called my dad in frustration.  I told him that I might have to wave to San Francisco from the highway as I passed it by because I couldn’t find a place to stay.  When I told him my budget, he laughed.  Okay, so $100 a night was a pipe dream.  So was $200.  $300.  There is no way on God’s green earth that I would pay $400 a night for a hotel room.  I don’t care what I can afford or not.  It’s just not happening.

All those motors inns that I read about were booked full up.  I finally found a hostel, so I booked it and went to sleep thinking that everything was all right.  YEAH RIGHT!  Fifteen hours later, I get an email from them saying they cannot honour my reservation.  I was supposed to be checking out of Eureka and getting on the road in less than three hours.  What to do now?

For whatever strange reason I just decided to call one of the motor inns.  Their website said they were booked up, but the man on the phone said, “Oh, we have room!” and he could give me the very reasonable rate of $140 a night.  THANK YOU, LORD!  The big issue for me was that I have a car.  It’s not a rental that I can just turn in, but some of these hotels were charging $40 a night to park.  TO PARK!!  You can try to scrounge around for street parking but many visits to New York City have let me know that idea totally sucks.  Parking rules can be extremely complicated.  Street cleaning, parking permits, etc.  Who needs it?  You don’t want to end up like me that one time I got my car towed in NYC and it cost me $527 to get it out.

If you are renting because you want to tour outlying areas, get the car on the day you need it and get rid of it as soon as possible.  If you have money to spend on nightly parking, I am going to forward you my personal address so you can help me pay my school bills because obviously you got it like that and I don’t!

At any rate, the drive to San Francisco was not as pleasant as it should have been.  The scenery had nothing to do with it.  I went through Humboldt State Park, home of the giant redwoods.  It’s gorgeous through here, and if you have more time you should stop and take a look-see.  There’s weird fog through here too.  I think it followed the terrain.  There was one section where the fog rolled up only onto the mountain, like a woman pulling on a silk scarf.  Everywhere else was clear, except that one long thread.

I think I was having car issues, and that’s the reason I didn’t have an enjoyable drive.  The battery light in my car kept flashing.  That could mean battery or alternator.  Either way, not good.  In Humboldt State Park, I had ZERO cell phone service.  I drove pretty much white-knuckled all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge.  Yes, I know I should have stopped but I really didn’t know where I could go.  I did get off the highway in Santa Rosa (I think) to look for a car servicing place but I hate driving around lost looking for things.  I just said heck with it.  I have AAA.  If something happens they can just tow me.  (TIP:  This is a stupid mentality.  Don’t do this.)

I stayed at Cow Hollow Motor Inn.  Not too shabby!  Free parking.  Big rooms.  Clean.  Close to public transportation, eateries and entertainment.  What more could you really ask for?  If it weren’t for TA, I would not have known to look at a place like this.  I have a tendency to think that if it isn’t a big chain then it’s a dump.  That’s not always true.  The chains can be dumps too.  Anybody ever have the misfortune of staying at an Econo Lodge or Motel 6 out in the middle of nowhere but you have to stop because you’ve been driving 12 hours?  Yeah….

So, San Francisco, I don’t know what to say about you.  I didn’t hate it, but I can’t say that I loved it.  I think that it’s just not for me.  You know, everything is not for everybody.  This isn’t going to be a huge rant about the city, I promise you that.  I did do quite a few things that were rather enjoyable.  I just think I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t come back.  I’ll let you know my full impressions in tomorrow’s post.  I was in the city four full days, and I think I packed quite a lot in those days but I’m sure I didn’t get in everything.

The first night I was in town, all I did was walk up and down Chestnut Street to take a look at what shops were near me.  I also bought my munipass from the Walgreens around the corner.  A three day pass is $21, but now you have to buy a Clipper Card.  If you don’t already have one it’s an additional $3.  This is well worth the purchase, especially if you want to ride those cable cars.  Those things are $6 EACH WAY.  This munipass is not valid for Bart or Golden Gate Transit or that other stuff you see, but yes, for the cable cars, the street cars and the regular buses.

I also walked along Marina, almost to the Bridge, but I stopped just before it.  That first night I just wanted photographs.  I had a run planned to take me across it the following morning.  This area here is really nice.  I understand that it was hard hit by an earthquake in the late 80s but they’ve since rebuilt or refitted most of the homes here.  In doing some research, I learned that property values in SF are sky high.  There’s only so much land here, so it’s at a premium.  I would later learn that there are house back up in there that go for a couple hundred million.  Couple.  Hundred.  Million.

I’ll leave you with that.

 

Coming up:  A tourist’s life at Golden Gate Bridge, Fisherman’s Wharf, a cruise in the Bay, Alcatraz and Union Square

Trip Report: Las Vegas, June 8-12 (Part 5)

Sunday

My last day in Vegas and I’m a little bit sad. My vacation is not over, but the Vegas part is. Tonight my sister arrives and tomorrow we will begin a cross country road trip to North Carolina. That is part of the reason I had to be so stingy with my money.

Becky and Co. would be departing so I was on my own for most of Sunday. I went for another run on the Strip, but I didn’t get as far this time because I started a little bit too late and ran into traffic and other obstacles. After a shower, I walked to Paris to have breakfast at Sugar Factory. I know I could take the bus but I don’t mind the walk and after reading the reviews of this place, it sounds like I’m going to need as much exercise as possible to shore up my resolve.

Those reviews weren’t lying! It was around 815 by the time I got there. I got a nice table outdoors. After the server took my order, I passed the time people watching. It’s hysterical how many people are on the Walk of Shame at that hour. I saw a woman who must have been club hopping all night long. At 815, her stilettos were probably murder on her feet. She had taken them off and now limped on ginger toes back to her hotel. Her makeup was running. What probably was a nice hairdo was in ruins. I saw a guy who looked like he had been in a cat fight over at Siegfried and Roy’s. His shirt was shredded. He had that hangover look about him, like he had just woken up and had no idea what’d happened the previous night.

Also hysterical is the number of people who are still drunk at that hour. I saw a group of young men and for them, the party had just started. They were absolutely trashed but having a good time, chugging beers on the corner at 830 in the morning. They were like frat guys. You know the type that go, “Woo!!! Hooo!!” for every little thing. A group of housekeepers was getting off shift and running to catch the bus and the frat guys started cat-calling them. “Hello, ladies! Yeah!!” Not to make any pre-judgments on people, but the typical housekeeper in Vegas is an older Latina woman. I guess if that’s what they’re into.

My breakfast arrived soon after. I ordered the chocolate pancakes. Let me tell you that I am a chocolate fanatic but these pancakes tested my resolve. They were chocolate chip pancakes, drizzled in chocolate sauce, layered with some other kind of chocolate and served with warm chocolate syrup. I began eating and about 15 minutes later, all my teeth had cavities. It was so freakin’ sweet I was downing cups of water just trying to get that sugar taste out of my mouth. They give you three, I could only eat about one and a half. I sat there staring at that chocolate monstrosity like it’s my Rubicon. For whatever reason I’m determined the finish the whole plate, but it was time to admit defeat. The server comes by, “All done?” Yes, please, God, take it away. He starts laughing. “Nobody can ever finish these.”

I walked back to Riviera to check out. Yes, I made another hotel change. There was a thread on TA recently about changing hotels. I didn’t think it would be a problem, but three hotels in four days? Too much going on. I really could not stay at Riviera any longer and since my friends had gone there was really no need for me to be on the Strip anymore, so I went over to the Hilton. I walked between the two hotels (not that far) and checked in immediately.

But before I left Riviera, I met a naughty man in the elevator. I had on my backpack, this huge thing stuffed with my 18 inch laptop and other worldly goods, plus a small roller bag. There was a maintenance man in the elevator with a huge maintenance cart when it stopped on my floor. I started to take the next elevator but he said there would be enough room, so I backed into the elevator. Two seconds later, he shouts, “Oww!” I turned around thinking that I had hit him with my big dumb backpack.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Did I hit you?”

“No, no. My glasses pinched the side of my face. I hate that,” he said. Then he waggled his grey bushy eyebrows at me and leered, “But if you wanted to hit me, trust me, I wouldn’t be saying ‘oww’.” He gave me this look that clearly indicated he was into something kinky. I wish I could have taken a picture of his face. He actually wagged his tongue and began panting at me. It was absolutely revolting but so hilarious. I tried not to laugh in his face. I just murmured something unintelligible and got out of the elevator as fast as I could.

The walk between Riviera and the Hilton was arduous and I realised that I should stop being so cheap. I could have taken a cab for about $7. Whatever. Even though it was only 1130, they let me check in right away. The room at the Hilton was so nice. Too bad this place isn’t on the Strip, but then it would probably be more expensive.

I passed the time waiting for my sister to arrive from Arizona by people watching in the casino downstairs. Let me tell you that I did not know that gang members went on vacation. Picture a hard core gang member with tattoos all over his face, head, neck and all down his arms. He looked like he was about to rob me, but then he had the two cutest little girls with him, his mother, a wife and two other guys that looked like hard core gang members. They were coming out of the Hilton and were on their way to NY, NY so they could ride the roller coaster. I was surprised, but I think it takes all kinds.

Once my sister arrived and got situated, we drove over to the Wynn and parked. My sister has a stripper friend (who is really handy in a pinch) she usually visits Vegas with, so her experiences are vastly different than mine. She has never been to any of the touristy stuff, so I thought I’d take her through a few things. We didn’t have much time so I decided on a buffet, Strip walk and the fountains.

Because Bellagio was so disappointing, I went with the buffet at Wynn. I really wanted to go to Wicked Spoon but it was too far for our purposes. Wynn was much better. I have eaten here before when I came in 2010 for NYE. My sister thoroughly enjoyed herself, so much to the point that she ate entirely too much. She began complaining of stomach issues before we could even get out of the Wynn hotel. I told her she should go and let nature take its course, but nature was a bit stalled.

I suggested that we walk slowly, maybe that might knock things loose a bit. We slowly strolled through Venetian and Palazzo. I wanted to ride the gondolas but my sister gets seasick, forget about the fact that it’s probably only an inch of water down there. We rested outside the Venetian to watch the volcano thing across the street at Mirage. I had never seen that before and I admit that I liked it. Yeah, it’s a cheesy tourist attraction but I like stuff like that.

Then we very slowly strolled to Bellagio to the fountains. By the time we got there my sister was critical. Halfway during the fountain show, she just took off. I tried to text her to find out where she was and she said, “Leave me alone!” Okay. I stayed where I was because I knew she couldn’t describe where she had gone and I didn’t want us to be lost from each other. An hour later (actually more than an hour later), she comes back looking battle weary. She said, “I don’t know which end was worse.”

Thanks for the imagery, sis. I don’t think she had any food poisoning because we ate pretty much the same things at the buffet and I didn’t have any issues at all. My sister had never been to a buffet like that before and she was truly packing it in, on top of all the soda and juice they pour down your throat. I advise everyone to practise restraint. We hung out at the fountains for a little while more so she could gather her strength and then we headed back.

Vegas at night one last time. Enter the drunks and weirdoes, the slappers and undercover prostitutes. We saw some fundamentalist Mormon people. I didn’t even think they would step foot in Vegas, and these poor people just looked shocked out of their minds. The mother had her hands over the daughter’s ears. I felt she should have covered her eyes because a bachelorette party was stumbling down the street. The lucky lady was wearing a bikini top that said “bride.” Actually, it said, “(BR) (DE).” The “I” was lost in her cleavage somewhere and I’m pretty sure that was a nipple. I saw Storm Troopers, Wonder Woman, Tupac (he’s not dead, you know), a whole bunch of Elvises (that would be a whole lotta shots if you guys were playing my game), and about a dozen brides in wedding dresses, ranging from haute couture to K-Mart blue light special (do they even do that anymore?).

It’s such an interesting city. Even though I am not into its main attractions of drinking and gambling, I always have a good time here. I think there is plenty to do if gambling is not your thing. Next time I’d like to explore the newer hotels and casinos, like Aria and Cosmopolitan. Maybe I might learn how to play blackjack. I don’t know. It’s like you never know in this place. I’ll definitely have more money so I can check out some of these fine dining options, and so I can shop. You don’t know how depressing it is not to be able to shop.

Lessons learned:

1. No more than two hotels in one trip, no matter how long you’re staying.

2. Hit up a liquor store and start your drinking in your room to save money if you’re budget conscious. You can always get a drink or two at the bar, but if you’re a heavy weight start early.

3. Don’t be offended or uptight about the weirdoes. They’re just having a good time. Smile and nod and walk away.

4. There is plenty of fun to be had if you’re not a gambler.

5. Be more assertive when it comes to the cabs or asking for upgrades.

6. Leave your troubles, rules and regulations at home.

7. Don’t eat too much at the buffet.

8. Don’t wear shoes you’ll have to stumble home in the next day.

9. Don’t let anybody write their phone number on your forehead.

10. Just go for it. You only live once. You can deal with the repercussions later.

Trip Report: Las Vegas, June 8-12, Part 2

Thursday

I was up very early Thursday morning because I had booked a tour of the Grand Canyon through Paradise Tours. I was told to be at Excalibur at 645AM. Many people come to Vegas with plans to see the Grand Canyon. I lived in Arizona for a number of years and never saw the dang thing, so I figured I might as well do it now. My friends were not expected to arrive until later that afternoon.

I opted for the South Rim because everything on Trip Advisor said it is what I would expect to see. The distance is much further than the West Rim, but South Rim has better views, according to most of the opinions.

Vegas in the early morning hours is always very interesting. I didn’t realise how close the hotels (Luxor and Excalibur) were (I did not want to use the indoor walk way thing) and I ended up walking a little further than necessary. No matter. I was afforded a view of a middle aged man in a loin cloth and cod piece. I swear to goodness. He was sunbathing, of all things. Yes, it’s very normal for a person to sunbathe in a place like Vegas that has ample sunlight, but people typically do this by the pool or a rooftop, not in the parking lot. He was reclining almost spread eagle in the parking lot between Excalibur and Luxor. He was reading the paper with his t-shirt pulled up to his neck. I don’t know why he didn’t just take it off. He had on a loin cloth thing like the men in that movie 300, only he didn’t look half as good as them. And it was EXTREMELY obvious that he was wearing a codpiece. The proportions were …unnatural. You couldn’t help but to stare, which I think was the point but then again he wasn’t in a well-trafficked area. It was just weird because he wasn’t a beggar. More than likely he was not a bum. He appeared clean and well-kempt, but why was he sunbathing in the parking lot? I don’t know.

I was picked up with no issues for the tour. I must say it wasn’t half bad, but I think I will never do it again. The bus driver, whom the company referred to as a tour guide, wasn’t really a tour guide but more like an impersonator with some really bad jokes. First, he looked and sounded like Chris Farley. Second, he kept trying to impersonate Elvis’s voice, but failed miserably. Every time he got on the microphone to give us some instructions, he ended with, “Thank you, thank you very much,” Elvis-style. It became so annoying that I wanted to puncture my own ear drums.

We went to Hoover Dam first where he kept making “dam” jokes. “There’s the ‘dam’ bridge, and the ‘dam’ visitors’ center.” I became ‘dam’ irritated by the end. The ride to the South Rim is very long, about 5 hours. There were no children on my tour. Indeed I saw very few children when I arrived at the Grand Canyon. Probably their parents know they couldn’t survive the bus trip. On top of all that, Chris Farley made us watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Seriously. I now wanted to blind myself. He said he selected the movie because he did not want to offend or alienate anyone with anything too controversial. I fail to believe that there are no other selections of G or PG rated films that would be appropriate for a wide audience. Couldn’t we just watch Hypno-Toad?

We only had 3 hours at the Grand Canyon. It’s funny that all of these tours promise that they allow the “most time” in the park. All of the tours give you about 3 hours. It’s not much time to see anything. If I ever come back to Grand Canyon, I’ll do so as a separate vacation or maybe I’ll spend the night. I am a keen hiker and I was disappointed that I was limited to the paved trail.

The ride back was TORTURE. Chris Farley asked us to be back on the bus by 345PM. He said he could get us into Vegas at 830, 845 if we all got back on the bus on time. One lovely couple decided that this time hack did not apply to them. They showed up at 415. The driver had already called his boss to ask permission to leave them when they came strolling up, laughing and giggling and cooing at each other. At first there was a concern that they were lost and/or injured but when I saw they were none the worse for wear I was mad. Too bad I would be wrong if I had thrown hot coffee on them. This same couple was also late coming back from the bathroom break. We stopped in Kingman for 10 minutes for a bio break. They were gone 25 minutes. It’s a mystery as to where they actually were since we stopped at one of the smaller gas stations and not the huge travel stations where truckers normally go.

As a result, we got back to Vegas around 915, and then when he began dropping everyone off he started Downtown. Of course, since I was at the Luxor I would be the very last person to get off. I should have gotten off the bus somewhere else and just walked. It was almost 10PM. My friends had arrived and were texting me like crazy. They were at Fireside having a good time and I was stuck with Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

After returning to the hotel I cleaned up very quickly. My friends were going to meet me at Flight in the Luxor for a round of drinks. As I walked through the casino area, I saw a man in Starbucks laid out on the floor. His eyes were closed and he was extremely still. The paramedics were there. Then they went to get a white sheet. I honestly thought the man was dead. So I did what anybody would do. I stopped and got out my camera. I was just about to take pictures of what I thought was a dead body, but then the man started to move. Turns out, he was just trashy drunk. He had stopped at the Starbucks to get his bearings and ended up missing the chair and ramming his head into the pole behind him. Oh well. I still have 3 more days to get a pic of a dead body. Macabre, isn’t it?

My friends and I met up at Flight and finished the night off with wine and beer. I was quite exhausted from the whole Grand Canyon experience so I called it a night around 1AM.

Tomorrow: Mon Ami Gabi, business in Spanish, cat fight at the Bellagio, and a pair of meth heads.

Trip Report: Las Vegas, June 8-12

Our heroine, Worf’s Baby Mama is a 32 year old female who has never been described as the life of the party. Her friends are curious as to why she wants to visit Vegas since she does not drink, gamble or stay out all hours of the night. Worf’s Baby Mama is in Vegas to meet up with her very good friend from the military. This lucky friend has received a comped stay at Caesar’s Palace as well as tickets to see Celine Dion.

Worf’s Baby Mama arrives in Las Vegas around 830PM after a long, annoying flight from Washington, DC. Aboard the aircraft is a three year old who shouted and whined the entire flight. The parents of this toddler are young 20-somethings who have difficulty getting the child under control. Worf’s Baby Mama does not drink but is considering a double shot of Tequila to calm her nerves.

And so our story begins….

Wednesday night

I don’t care much for children and was thoroughly annoyed by the time I got off the plane. The evil flight attendant made me check my bag in DC because the overhead bins were full by the time I was allowed to board. If the airline hadn’t jumped on this checked bag fee thing then we wouldn’t be in this mess, but I promise I am not going to get in a tirade about that.

Already I am off to a bad start. Even worse, I got tunnelled by the cab driver. I tried my best to tell him not to take me through the bloody tunnel but he started up on this long-winded speech about how he used to be in the military and he came to Vegas on leave one weekend and never left. He wouldn’t shut up and I couldn’t interject and the cab ride from the airport to the Luxor was almost $25. I am on a tight budget because I am just off a Hawaiian vacation and my bank account is starting to look like the Federal Reserves: empty. To add insult to injury he gives me VIP club tickets to JET. I’m thinking that I’m getting something really cool so I don’t feel so bad I got tunnelled but I realise how utterly worthless these tickets are. Even the vagrants can get VIP tickets. : (

The check-in for Luxor was pretty long but I didn’t mind it. I was upgraded to a Deluxe room in the east tower. The view was garbage but I liked the room. There were a few minor annoyances. A few of the wall sockets did not work. It took me an hour to figure out why my laptop battery was draining even though it was supposedly plugged in. Second, the hotel offers wired internet service. The ethernet cord is plugged in behind the television, across from the bed. The cord does reach all over the room but unless you are standing up at the television with your laptop, the cord will stretch across, causing a trip hazard. If there was someone else in the room with me, like some kind of hottie, he might trip over it. But if I did have a hottie in the room with me, I probably wouldn’t be on my laptop.

Anyway, I set myself up immediately. I walked across the street to the AM/PM to get a jug of water and a bottle of wine. I mentioned that I don’t really drink. I am an oenophile, but I don’t mess with hard liquor or beer. It’s just cheaper to buy a bottle of wine (or the poison of your choice) at a liquor store than to buy drinks at the bar, but everybody does their own thing. Some people enjoy the experience of $11 a drink, plus tip.

You know they say that flying east is a beast, but for me flying west is horrible. By the time I got back to the hotel I was absolutely exhausted. I think it looks bad to go to bed earlier than midnight in Vegas and I tried, I really did but I ended up crashing by 1145.

At approximately 4AM, I awoke to screaming and shouting and a loud banging noise. New Jersey Steve and his friends had returned to their room after a night of imbibing and partying. How did I know this man’s name was Steve? Well, because his friends started shouting, “Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!” leading me to believe that Steve was chugging something, or involved in a cage match. Enthused by all the excitement, I began to shout “Steve! Steve! Steve!” as well, until I realised that I was not invited to the party.

Steve was very obviously from New Jersey. His accent was thick despite his drunken speech. Steve and his friends partied for about another hour, but I didn’t bother going back to sleep.

Instead, I got comfortable in bed and did some homework. Yeah, I know. Who comes to Vegas and does homework? I do. I know. I know. You don’t have to say it. My life is sad.

Tomorrow: Grand Canyon, the “dead” man at Starbucks and a cod piece.

Trip Report: Honolulu, HI, Part 5

Sea turtle coming out for some sun

Day 6

I woke up feeling slightly depressed because it is my last day in Hawaii. I decided that there was nothing else for it but to start planning a third trip as soon as I got back home.

For my final excursion I decided to do a circle island tour. For those of you who read my trip report from last year, you may remember me telling you about the circle island tour through a company called Explore Hawaii and how it was the worst tour I had ever been on. Because of that experience, I decided to do the tour on my own.

My flight out of Honolulu departed at 10PM that night. I had more than enough time to troll about the island. I checked out of my hotel at 7AM and took the bus to the airport car rental locations. I had booked a car rental through http://www.discounthawaiicarrental.com/ at the suggestion of other TA users. This was very easy, convenient and cheap. I rented a small economy car and was upgraded to a Jeep, and I only paid $27 after all taxes and fees. Can’t go wrong with that. I went back to the hotel to get my luggage and then I set out on my adventure.

I used the suggested circle island route that is posted here in the right margin of this forum. I tweaked it a little bit because the directions are a bit vague. The night before in my hotel room, I used google maps to route my way around the island. If anyone is interested, I’d be more than glad to send you the addresses I used to get around, but it’s really quite simple. Not too much thinking involved.

I started in Waikiki and headed for Pali Lookout point. I was a bit disappointed in this. First, it was overcast and gloomy. My pictures didn’t come out well. Second, there is a $3 parking fee. I know I said not to complain about fees, but I seemed to the be the only person paying this fee. There were several others pulling up at the same time as I did and none of them paid the fee. I don’t enjoy getting surprise fines and tickets in the mail so I paid, but really I was only there about 15 minutes. That’s even more expensive than a standard meter in DC. Oh well.

Before I go any further, I am going to apologise for misspelled and missing place names. Since I was driving I wasn’t able to really document everything I did unlike when I was walking and on the bus.

I left Pali Lookout point and continued on. There is another lookout point that is free (but also not as good) further down. I stopped here and took a few pictures but really the grass is so high that it blocks any sort of decent view. I continued on to Kamehameha Highway. My first major stop was Kaneohe. According to the suggested TA route, I went to the free koi pond next to Haleiwa Joe’s. To be honest, I should have just skipped this. The water was very murky, making it difficult to see the fish. I was eaten alive by mosquitoes and there was nothing of any other interest to be seen. Because it was so early in the morning the restaurant was closed.

I got onto Kanekili (I know that is spelled wrong) Highway to look for the Byodo-In at the Valley of the Temples. I completely blew past it because I didn’t precisely know what I was looking for. According to the map it should have been a few miles, but I had gone quite a ways and was entering Kualoa property before I realised that I might have gone too far. No matter. Nothing is that serious. I ended up at a macadamia nut farm. I think I went to this place last year. It’s near Kualoa Ranch. They have an inexpensive tour of their farm, as well as a whole treasure trove of goodies and junk to be bought. I bought Kona coffee for my parents, macadamia nut popcorn for my sister, toffee covered macadamia nuts for myself, and some orange mango tea for my best girlfriend. I also bought the raw sugar because the woman told me that it would go great with the coffee and I’m such a sucker for a good sales pitch so I said, sure, load it up. She also gave me directions back to the Byodo-In temple. See, if you’re on an organised tour and you miss something it’s just too bad. When you do it on your own you can go back.

I’m glad I did. The Byodo-In Temple was absolutely wonderful. The temple is behind a series of carefully manicured garden of final resting place. The whole area is very peaceful and scenic. I think it looks so different because there are no tombstones, just small markers and a tube for flowers. I saw discrete signs stating flowers would be removed after a week. Sometimes you see cemeteries littered with old, dead flowers given the place such an air of despondent depression. Valley of the Temples, though a big graveyard, does not seem so gloomy and sad.

There is a $3 (or it might be $5) fee to enter Byodo-In Temple which is a replica of the original temple that was built to honour the first Japanese immigrants to the United States. Whatever your religious affiliation, it doesn’t matter when you come here. It is nothing but peace and tranquility. The grounds are neatly kept, with wild birds (swans and peacocks) running all over the place. Do heed the warning signs. These birds are wild. Do not feed them and keep your children nearby just in case. Swans can be vicious when threatened.

There are small ponds with DOZENS of carp. It is funny how they all congregate together in the corner of the pool. You may go inside the temple as long as you remove your shoes. You can make an offering to Buddha for prayers. On the left side of the temple there is a large bell that you can ring for long life. To the right of the temple is a gift shop with pretty decent prices. I spent quite a bit of time at the temple, maybe because it was so peaceful and relaxing. It’s strange because the day was shaping up to be quite hot, but as soon as I entered the temple grounds suddenly there was a cool breeze and just enough cloud to take away the glare of the sun.

Upon leaving Valley of the Temples, I got back on the road to head towards Kualoa Regional Park. This is across from Kualoa Ranch where they do some pretty interesting tours, especially if you are a Lost fan. I might do some of these next year. At Kualoa Regional Park, I took pictures of Chinaman’s Hat. There was a wedding party out here. From a distance, I watched couple exchange vows. How very romantic.

I got back onto Kamehameha Highway. I stopped at a series of beaches. I apologise for not getting the names, but there were quite a few. You will see all these beaches easily from the road. I stopped at almost every single one of them to sit and hangout. I had all day so I was in no hurry. Some are quite different than the others. Some have more of a beach area. Some are rocky. Some are sandy. Some are clearly for surfers, while others are more for sunbathers and swimmers.

I continued driving along. If you are in a mad rush, I’d advise to go on a tour where you’ll be hustled along. There were many other people in their own vehicles obviously touring as well because I ran into the same people several times during the day. I kept seeing a newlywed Australian couple in a convertible. There was also a newlywed Korean couple but they were being chauffered in a limousine! Lucky them.

There really is some fantastic scenery along Kamehameha Highway and I encourage you to stop at your leisure. There are all kinds of roadside vendors. When you are in your vehicle, you can do what you want. If you want to see what every pedler has on display, you can. I bet whatever they are selling would make a better souvenir than anything you could get in Waikiki.

My next major stop was Laie. Here you can find the Polynesian Cultural Center, the Mormon Temple and BYU-Hawaii. I skipped the Mormon Temple because I went last year. I went to Laie Beach Park and hung out there for awhile. I had some snacks with me and I didn’t want to eat in the car. There is also a lookout point around here, but I didn’t go. Laie is a small town, quaint and just totally different than Honolulu.

After Laie was Kahuku. There are some great beach parks in this area, as well as several “famous” shrimp trucks. Giovanni’s and Romy’s (??) are among the popular ones. There is also one called Fumi’s, but I ate here last year and I thought it was unpleasant. This time I stopped at Giovanni’s and had the garlic shrimp. There is another truck in the same patio area that sells shave ice and smoothies. You will also find vendors selling t-shirts, tiki dolls and other “priceless artefacts.” I bought some t-shirts for my nephew while waiting for my shrimp plate. It wasn’t terribly crowded when I went and there is plenty of seating. I was quite pleased with Giovanni’s shrimp plate but so far I think Blue Water in Waikiki is better.

Finished with lunch, I got back on the road. The next beach I wanted to go to was Waimea but like someone had told me, it was very crowded when I got here. There was no parking in the lot and most of the parking on the street was full. If I was back home in my banged up personal car, I would have taken a chance, but since I was in a rental I was loathe to park it some place it might get dented. Disappointed, I continued on. I managed to skip past Waialua Bay, but once I realised I had past it, I didn’t bother going back.

In Haleiwa, I parked the car and wandered through the small beach town. It is as quaint as a post card. It’s like this place you see in movies. Everything is touristy, but not a cheesy bad way. There are several blocks of shops and restaurants. I wandered through most of them, buying a few souvenirs here and there. I stopped for second lunch at this place called Haleiwa Eats Thai. It wasn’t spectacular, but it wasn’t the worst place ever. There are other places that are highly recommended. I was just in the mood for Thai.

I spent almost two hours in Haleiwa, so if you are interested in coming up here I wouldn’t bother with The Bus. You really should rent a car for at least a day so you can see the entire North Shore. You don’t want to be fooled up with timetables and annoying tour operators. When I was finished shopping and eating, i went to the post office right there and mailed everything off. Then I got on the road towards the Dole Plantation.

I went last year but this time I was actually able to see everything. There is a free pineapple garden and there are several amusements to be enjoyed for a small fee. If it is just you and a significant other, it wouldn’t break the bank. If you are with a large family, you might just pick one activity. There is a pineapple, a plantation tour and a train ride. I didn’t do any of these because it was just so blessedly hot. (I swear I don’t remember it being this hot last year.) Many people will suggest you get a Dole whip, and I do too, but you should get in line for it first and then browse the store. The line is always long at the concession stand.

Amazingly, even though I took my time, driving at a snail’s pace and stopping for every little thing I saw, it was only about 1PM. I started at 730. I still had so much time. That was when I realised that I had missed the sea turtles. According to the TA driving guide there is a beach with sea turtles. Since I had until 8PM to be back to the airport, I turned around and went back to find the beach.

I’m so glad I did. It was very crowded. The whole street was lined with cars. When I got onto the beach I discovered two big sea turtles out for some sunbathing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen turtles so big. Not even at the zoo or Sea World. I was kind of in awe of it and I stared for a little while. There is a conservationist (???) on the beach to help keep tourists from disturbing the turtles. They put a red string in the sand and make sure no one crosses it. This is good because petting and all that would annoy the poor creatures. Most of the tourists were foreign and the conservationist saw that I was very obviously American. She asked me if I had any questions. Just to be polite, I asked her something and she went into a whole discussion of sea turtles.

It turned out to be a very interesting discussion and quite informative. She obviously knew what she was talking about. Now I know how long they live, their mating habits, how far they can swim and the whole gamut. While she was giving me a dissertation on the turtles, another one came out of the sea! It was so awesome. I was really glad that I turned around.

When I was finished on the beach I started to go back the other way towards Waikiki, because I was looking for a lighthouse that I had seen on one of my random bus trips, but since I didn’t know the name or where I had seen it I decided not to risk it. I turned around and went through Haleiwa again and back down to Honolulu. There was rush hour traffick by the time I got back down there but to be honest, Honolulu traffick is nothing compared to DC traffick. But if you are from some small town somewhere it might make you hectic.

I still had a ton of time so I kind of drove aimlessly through Honolulu. I went to Fedex Kinko’s to print my tickets. Then I went to Kahala Mall which is nowhere near as impressive Ala Moana Center. In my aimless wandering I finally figured out where Leonard’s Bakery is. I didn’t stop in though. I had already had too much junk that day. Maybe next year. It was getting on 7PM when I decided to make it for the airport. I refilled the gas and changed into my airport clothes in a parking lot. By the time I dropped the car off it was 815 and time to say good bye to Hawaii.

I hope you all have enjoyed my trip reports. Hopefully you can use it to plan your trips a little better. Below are some links to my photos and a few videos I took of the Hale Koa luau.

Mahalo for reading and aloha!

Trip Report: Honolulu, HI Part 3

Hanauma Bay from Koko Head

Day 4

I was up early again on Saturday. I skipped out on a morning run knowing that I was to hike Koko Crater Trail. I had heard that it was a doozy so no need for over-exercise. I also skipped breakfast, opting to eat my mochi and the sweet bread that was intended for my sister.

I took the bus to Koko Head. I really find getting around on the bus quite easy. If you haven’t heard, buying a 4-day bus pass is really the way to go if you’re not renting a car. Use your smartphone to find alternate routes and read the bus signs where you are. You’ll find that there is usually more than one bus to get where you’re going. I met some Australian people who were waiting for the #8 to take them to the Ala Moana. Yes, the #8 will get them there but so will half a dozen other buses.

The bus ride to Koko Head was fairly long but I didn’t mind. I am getting to see other parts of Honolulu. The downtown part where the office buildings are isn’t so bad, but then there’s an area that looks like any inner city, and then finally there’s the suburb part that looks far more pleasant.

When I got to Koko Head I almost chickened out when I saw how big that mountain was. Oh sure, there are people who climb Everest and McKinley and Kilimanjaro but I am not one of those people. I consider myself to be in moderate physical shape. I exercise most days of the week and enjoy running and hiking but this thing was like a vertical climb into the heavens. What have I gotten myself into?

I just took a deep breath and wound my way up to the base of the trail. So, if you don’t know, the Koko Crater Trail is basically an old railroad line up the side of Koko Head. I wonder who decided that a railroad needed to go OVER this thing. Why not around? I don’t know. The ties are still there, packed in dirt. People run and up down this trail all day long, sometimes two and three times a day for physical exercise because it is a serious workout.

Some people have tried to count the steps but it appears that nobody can agree. Some say about 1000, some say closer to 1100. I’ll just say 1000 because that’s a nice even number. (TIP: If you do decide to hike this, sunscreen, water and a hat are a must. There is no shade and very little rest area.)

Steps 1-100: Well, this isn’t that bad. Why were you freaking out? There are small children out here. What can be so bad?

Steps 101-300: Okay, yeah, this is a bit of a workout. I can feel my glutes burning but nothing any worse than the half marathon you just did.

Step 310: Whoa, wait a minute. Heart rate is WAY up. I had to pull over to the side to rest a moment. Okay, so this might be a little harder than I thought.

Steps 400-600: Just put one foot in front of the other. Don’t pay any attention to Old Man River that just ran past you like it’s nothing. I am funny about showing excessive skin in public but it was so hot that I had to push my bizarre inhibitions to the back seat. I had to take off my t-shirt because I was sweltering under that 100% BLACK cotton thing. Don’t worry, I had a tank top on.

Steps 700-750: Here comes the worst part. This part of the trail that isn’t packed in dirt, but more like a bridge. It’s really only like six or seven feet off the ground but to me it seemed a long way down. I tried to be brave and just run across it like everyone else, but I have never been very sure-footed. Sometimes I lose balance and I didn’t want to fall. I crawled instead.

Steps 751-800: *long string of curse words* OMG. Am I at the top yet? How much further?

Steps 801-900: I. Can’t. Go. Any. Further. Calves hurt. Glutes hurt. Thighs hurt. Mama.

Steps 900-999: Almost there. Just a little bit more. You can do it. You can. You really can.

Step 1000: WOW!!! Look at that view! Totally awesome.

I’m telling you, it was amazing. First, a brief rain shower had moved in and the clouds were so close it was as if I could reach up and touch them. Then suddenly it was clear and beautiful with an excellent view of Hanauma Bay. I sat up there for almost an hour, just taking it all in. The wind blew fiercely while I finished off the rest of that sweet bread. A father and his two sons joined me in my picnic and then a married couple. Nobody was talking. We were just enjoying ourselves.

So the crazy thing is that I got to the top exactly around 12 noon which is 6PM east coast time, and all my friends back home were talking about the end of the world stuff. My friends were sending me text messages about the supposed end of the world and the volcanic disturbance in Iceland. I thought to myself, well, if the world is going to end then let it end because I am on top of it right now. It made me think of that scene from the movie 2012 where Woody Harrelson awaits the end of the world atop a mountain in Yosemite. My view was much better than this though.

The climb down was just as bad as the climb up. Your momentum gets the best of you and you start running down faster than you really want to. I saw a few people fall, but nobody went rolling down the mountainside. (TIP: Hikers coming down have the right away.) Another tip is to be careful of who you bring up here. I did see hikers with small children whom they had to carry because the little ones got tired. When you get to the top there is no guard rail or anything and it’s a long way down to the bottom. I saw a couple with a baby in one of those things that you hook on your back. I hope they put sunscreen on the babies because the sun is brutal with no shade whatsoever.

After a quick stop at the hotel to freshen up, I stopped for lunch at the Blue Water Seafood truck on Kuhio. I ate here several times last year and their food is always so delicious. Then I strolled over to the park next to the zoo because I had heard about an art festival going on there. There were many local vendors hawking their wares, everything from earrings made with real butterfly wings to homemade macadamia nut cookies. There was clothing and sculptures and jewellery boxes and paintings and all sorts of things. I took my time browsing but in the end I did not buy anything. I have my fair share of Hawaii souvenirs. I’d rather have the memories.

I hopped on a bus to Ala Moana Mall with no real intention of shopping. I know the Aussies like to come and shop here in the US, but to me everything is just ridiculously overpriced. We have many of the same stores here in DC or in close by NYC, so I didn’t feel pressed to get anything. I just wanted to wander. They do have a pretty expansive food court. I bought some greasy dumplings from the bento place in the corner. After all that grease I decided I wanted something sweet.

So guess what? I went back to China Town to the bakery. Yeah, I couldn’t resist. I felt like such a pig because the woman recognised me from the day before. She said, “We have more buns for you.” Thanks! Indeed, I bought three more buns and some more sweet bread to replace what was intended for my sister. I also got more mochi. I grew up on mochi and I can only find it in Hawaii.

I had nothing else really planned and I still did not want to go to any museums so I got the bright idea that I should travel to another part of the island and visit some of the other beaches. (TIP: Do some research before you just hop on any bus.) I saw a bus, the number 42 that said Ewa Beach. I got a beach towel from the front desk and hopped on.

What a mistake!!!

It was the bus ride from hell. According Google Transit, it was supposed to be about a 45 minute ride to Ewa Beach. Wrong! It was almost two hours and when I got there, there wasn’t any beach. Maybe it was around the corner or just up the road but when the bus got to the terminus there was definitely no beach. By the time I got there I was not in the mood to ask anybody for directions, because that bus ride was so long that I actually got a cramp in my leg from sitting in the same position for an extended period of time. My cell phone was about to die because I had been playing Angry Birds for the better part of two hours. I just wanted to go back to the hotel.

I know the locals were looking at me like where is this lady going with her big stupid sunhat? Ugh. Worse, I actually had to get back to Waikiki! Another two hours on that bus? If I had been wearing regular shoes instead of flip flops, I might have tried to walk back. Thankfully the bus driver told me I could take one of the Express buses. Thank God, this was about an hour long instead of two hours. By the time I got back to Waikiki I was frozen solid (too much AC) and annoyed that I had wasted a good afternoon. So much for an adventure. Well, I guess that’s an adventure in and of itself.

But wait…. There’s more!

Tomorrow: Manoa Falls, a political scientist, Hanauma Bay, and Hy’s Steakhouse

Trip Report: Honolulu, HI, Part 2

View of Diamond Head

Day 3

Now it’s time to really enjoy my vacation! I’m well rested and energised after getting up to do some aerobics in my hotel room. I booked a tour with Oahu Nature Tours and they were supposed to pick me up at 7. I didn’t want to go out for a run and get too far away.

I chose the Mountain Rainforest Adventure. It’s a four mile hike up some trails leading to the Kalawahine Trail. I did a tour with them last year and I really liked it. This one was just as good. The views were absolutely stunning. We had to drive way up Tantalus Drive and then climb through the rainforest for a little bit. The guides for Oahu Nature Tours are extremely knowledgeable. From what I understand, most of them have a background in ecology or environmental studies. They really know what they’re talking about, or at least they have a good way of faking it. I hiked with a guide, a man from Suriname currently living in the Netherlands and a family from Texas. The husband pronounced Waikiki as Wacky-Key.

When I came last year this is what I really wanted to do more of, this hiking and getting out into nature. I like Waikiki because I like modern conveniences and the proximity to everything but Hawaii is really so much more than fancy shopping centres and ABC stores. I was really having a blast and was sorry the tour had to end. If you’re interested, do remember to bring comfortable walking shoes. The man from Suriname wore shoes like gentlemen wear to work. He slipped a couple of times, and so did I, but I think his shoes were ruined afterward.

The tour took most of the morning, returning to Waikiki around noon. I stopped for some Szechuan shrimp at Fatty’s. I love this place. It’s cheap and fast. I ate on the balcony of my hotel room where I contemplated attempting to find the bakery in China Town I went to last year.

Okay, so let me tell you about this bakery. They have DELICIOUS pineapple buns. When I went to China Town last year I just happened upon the place, but I didn’t think to get the name of the place, or even where it was located. There was no way I could ask someone. Can you imagine, “Yeah, so there’s this place in China Town. It’s a bakery. Don’t know the name or the street or anything around it. Do you know what I’m talking about?”

When I go on vacation I like to go on an adventure so I said why not? I got on the bus to China Town and walked up and down every street. It was a great way to learn the area, I’ll say that. There are many great places to eat down here, besides the bakeries. It is also a great place for souvenirs and other trinkets. Beware of panhandlers and I was also told that after dark this is not the best area to loiter in.

Before I left the hotel I did look up several bakeries on the internet. I went to all of them but none of them were my bakery. Finally, I was ready to give up. It was very hot and I was tired, but then I saw something that looked familiar. I saw a “buy one, get one free” sign and I remembered that last year the lady told me that everything was buy one, get one free.

I FOUND MY BAKERY. For the record, the place is called China Express and it’s on the corner of Hotel and Mauna Kea Street, next to the police station. I bought two pineapple buns, some mochi and a whole bunch of sweet bread, with the intention of sending some to my sister. I actually ate all of this before the weekend was up.

Happy as a clam I headed back to Waikiki.

There are many things to do in Waikiki on a Friday night from hula shows to the torch lighting to twilight tours at the Honolulu Zoo. I chose not to participate in any of them because I preferred to wander around aimlessly instead. I like to people watch and discover odd little things. There is a farmer’s market at King’s Village on Fridays. I wended through there and bought some crepes from one of the vendors, then I stopped to have a conversation with a man about said crepes. He was French and didn’t know that he could get crepes on the island. He actually thought they were taquitos because they were so small.

I stopped outside a bar to listen to a band play. I don’t know who they were, but they were pretty good. I didn’t go into the bar because I wanted to stay outside where it was warm and sunny. It had been quite hot in the afternoon but the evening had brought this breeze in. It was both cool and warm, if that makes any sense.

I walked all the way down to San Souci beach and sat there watching the sunset. I took about a hundred pictures of the sunset, of a guy paddle boarding, of the many dozens of sailboats and the water breaking against the shore. (I’ll post some later.)

It was all very relaxing and I could have sat there forever but it was getting dark and it was time to head back to the hotel. I had bought a bottle of wine at an ABC store, so I enjoyed a glass or three on the balcony while watching the street traffic below. A perfect way to end the evening.

But wait…there’s more!

Tomorrow: Koko Head, an art festival, the bakery revisited and the bus ride from hell.

Trip Report: Honolulu, HI, Part 1

Man climbing up a tree like a monkey

Day 1

The first day and a half on the island was largely uneventful. I landed in Honolulu around 230PM on Wednesday. I didn’t check any bags so I headed immediately outside to find the Roberts airport-Waikiki shuttle, which I prepaid. (TIP: The ride is $9 one-way and $15 round trip.)

There are ground workers in yellow jackets to assist you with the shuttles and she stopped the driver when she saw me running. The girl in the yellow jacket asked the driver if he would take me. I thought to myself, “Why does she need to ask?” Unless, of course, the shuttle was full. The driver was extraordinarily rude. He said, “Oh, for the love of God, hurry it up. I don’t have all day.” Then he asked what hotel I was headed to. When I told him, he started cursing. I don’t know what I did to upset him but I’m sure he’ll get over it. I got on the shuttle to find that there were only six other people. This isn’t one of those small shuttles; this is the big bus that you see driving around Waikiki. I really have no idea why he was so put out.

Got to the hotel without any further incident. I was a bit skeptical about my selection. I am always quite cheap when it comes to accommodations. I know there are some nice hotels out there, but I just can’t see paying for something that I will hardly use. I am never in the room and even though I whine about having all the amenities, I never use them. But when I say cheap, I don’t mean dumpster diving. I chose the Aqua Waikiki Pearl, which had so-so reviews. I was pleasantly surprised. A review on TA is pending.

I got situated then went to look for something to eat. I wanted Thai and found Siam Village on Kuhio and Lewers. The food was pretty good but nothing to write home about. I hear the same people operate Siam Garden on Ala Moana and this is much better.

I struggled to stay awake but I did not want to go to bed at 630, so I walked around Waikiki for a little while. I came across a hula show outside the International Marketplace. Apparently they give free hula shows in the Marketplace and upstairs on the second floor of the Waikiki Town Center on certain days of the week. They were advertising for their show. Unfortunately, I could not keep my eyes open any longer.

Day 2

It’s funny how you make all these plans to do all these spectacular things and then suddenly your plans don’t go anything like it. I planned a full itinerary for my second trip to Hawaii, but after I arrived I knew that I wasn’t in for all of that. My company is notoriously stingy with its time off policy so I had to work 12 hour days in order to earn enough leave time to go on the trip in the first place. I had worked nine days straight, most of them 10-12 hour days. I was absolutely exhausted. I knew that I would probably not enjoy myself as much if I started ripping and running through Oahu at breakneck pace. I started cutting out things. I axed the trips to the museums. Quite frankly, I’ve had enough of museums for right now. I live in DC. If I need a museum fix, there are plenty.

So Thursday, I decided to spend time on the beach, something I never do. I don’t tan. I don’t swim. I don’t participate in water activities so there is really no reason for me to go to the beach. I know you’re probably wondering, why even go to Hawaii in the first place? Why not?

I woke up at 430AM. I wake up early back home and this is a habit I’m never going to break. I did try to wait for a little bit of sun before heading out. There was a thin glimmer of sunlight in the eastern horizon as I started a run through Waikiki. It was very peaceful. There were very few people out, some shopkeepers getting ready to open for the day and a few people at the bus stops, but other than that it was just me and the sunrise. There’s really no better way to watch a sunrise then with a good morning jog. Or at least this is my way of thinking.

After the run, I cleaned up and had breakfast at Eggs’n'Things. For some reason it wasn’t as good as I remember. They’re opening up a new location on Kalakaua this summer, so you can enjoy a beach view. I didn’t know any other place to eat so I kept with it, and their orange juice is really, really good. (TIP: They offer military discount). After breakfast I walked over to Wal-Mart. It’s not that far but I know most people will not want to walk there. Just take any bus to Ala Moana Center and it’s right up the street. (TIP: If you’re on a bus that drops you off on Ala Moana Blvd walk through the mall to the other side to Keeamoku Street.)

(TIP: One trip to Wal-Mart will save you thousands of little trips and extra dollars at the ABC stores.) My budget-minded self won’t let me pay $4.45 for a gallon of water when I can get it for a buck at Wal-Mart, but the crazy thing was that a gallon of water is NOT 79 cents like it is back home. Even at Wal-Mart it was $2.50. This better be some darn good water. I also like going to Wal-Mart because I can get cash back.

After all of that, I was ready for the beach. I went to Fort DeRussy beach because I think the beaches down Kalakaua are way too crowded. All the Waikiki beaches are crowded but those on that end are ridiculous. The week proceeding of 60-70 hours of work and the time change caught up with me again, so I laid out under a nice palm and took a three hour nap. You have no idea how I needed that. Naps are so much better when you’re lying under a palm tree.

That evening I booked the hula show at the Hale Koa. (TIP: Someone in the party must be military or DOD, and they base the price on pay grade.) Since I am a low ranking, it was only $37.00 for me. Not bad. I keep trying to stay at the Hale Koa but it’s always booked out months in advance. Next year I’ll try again. I like the resort atmosphere which my budget hotel lacks.

With the Hale Koa luau, you get a voucher for a free drink. I don’t drink hard alcohol but I decided to give it a shot. They offer mai-tai, blue Hawaiian and a third drink which I forgot the name. I got that drink. It’s like a piña colada, but not and it wasn’t very good, or maybe it’s because I don’t like the taste of vodka.

Before the show, during what they call the cocktail hour are all the activities and crafts. They show you how to wrap those dresses native Hawaiian women wear; they teach you some hula moves and there’s even a guy who climbs a palm tree with just some fabric tied around his feet. There’s some other stuff as well like fake tribal tattoos and basket weaving with palm leaves. They make quite a show of bringing up the pig out of the underground oven thing.

Finally, you’re allowed to be seated for dinner. The Hale Koa luau is not buffet style, but pre-portioned meals. They serve pork, teriyaki beef, some kind of chicken, fried rice, poi, lomi lomi salmon, seawood salad, cucumber melon salad, and desserts. You will not be hungry afterward. You are assigned seating and you may be seated with people you do not know, especially if your party is not particularly large.

After the dinner is the show. I found the show to be quite interesting. The Hale Koa luau takes you on a tour of the Polynesian islands, showing you the different methods of dances and greetings. They show Hawaii, French Polynesia, New Zealand and Samoa. It was very entertaining and now I’d like to quit my job to become a hula dancer. I especially loved the fire dancers. There was a boy as young as 11 doing the traditional fire dances. We were told that he is a junior champion. He was mesmerising. It is amazing what different cultures find acceptable. I can assure you that when I was 11, I was not allowed to twirl burning sticks around the house.

Everything about the show was great except for the filler part. This is obviously for the Baby Boomer crowd, no offense. But they have this middle aged guy who was a one-hit wonder back in 1989, singing showtunes in between the Polynesian dances. He’s wearing a cheesy white suit and tells these ghastly jokes. The people at my table were older and they just loved him. It wasn’t the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but I just got this impression of 1970s entertainment on the Love Boat. And because this is a military installation be prepared for the obligatory patriotic songs and military appreciation.

When the luau is over they invite you to an after-luau party where you can meet the dancers and ask questions. I skipped this part because at 9PM, I was a zombie.

But wait…there’s more!

Tomorrow: O’ahu Nature Tour, the hunt for an Asian bakery and sunset on the beach.