Optional, For Use On Longer Entries #7

So apparently they are not playing.  I said I wasn’t going to be depressed anymore about this, but then I just spoke to someone and it’s not a game anymore,  2010.

I thought they were going to give us an opportunity to meet the standard, but they have already decided that some people just need to go to Fat Camp anyway without even getting a chance.  I guess their reasoning is that they failed all last year so might as well, but my thing is that it was last year.  This is a whole new year, or whatever.  So you should not bring with you last year’s drama.

That is my method of thinking, but I guess I’m thinking logically again.  You stop that, Specialist.  That’s not the army way.

Now I’m stressed again.  They haven’t said anything to me, but this just highlights the gravity of the situation.  I have never felt so much pressure to be a certain way.  Why can’t we just be happy with ourselves?

Oh wait, the army does not want you to be happy.

I am frustration up again.

Senseless Scribbling of an Idiot #33: This Is Why You’re Fat

Meet Kentucky Fried Chicken’s new Double Down.  This 540 calorie monstrosity will be making its way into stores April 12.  This thing is “so meaty, there’s no room” for bread.  It comes with two pieces of bacon, two slices of cheese, and the Colonel’s special sauce slopped between two pieces of fried chicken.  If you’re feeling slim, you can ge the grilled version instead.

Facts:  540 calories and 32 grams of fat (fried); 460 calories and 23 grams of fat (grilled.

Too much for you, well, then let’s go to Taco Bell and get a salad.  Salads are always healthful choices.  Under normal circumstances they are filled with delicious vegetables.  Taco Bell’s chicken ranch taco salad is technically a salad because there are some bits of wilted lettuce down at the bottom of an endless well of rice, beans, cheese and meat.

Fact:  910 calories and 54 grams of fat.  But you can get reduced fat sour cream and that might help a little… a little.

And for all my friends that love Chipotle, let’s get a 13″ tortilla, smothered in rice and black beans, with some steak and tomatoes, cheese, of course and we can’t forget the sour cream.  Mmmm, so yummy!

Fact:  970 calories and 38 grams of fat!

This is why you’re a pig beast.  Have a nice day.

10 Pounds Later #6: I Wannabe a Personal Trainer

So in my quest to lose these last ten pounds, these stubborn ten pounds, I have decided that I would like to become a personal trainer.  Of course, a fat personal trainer wouldn’t hold much credence, so I’m going to have to really work to get these ten pounds off so I can become skinny.  People only listen to skinny people.  Skinny people listen to other skinny people because they are the same.  Fat people listen to skinny people because they want to be skinny too.  Being skinny means you’re smarter.

I think I came to this conclusion because I’m in the gym and I see people struggling to reach their goals.  I see severely overweight people lifting 5 pound weights very slowly, oh so slowly, while munching on a 300 calories Power Bar, and I see them for a few days and after that I never see them again.  Sure, they could have changed their workout routine, but ALL of them?  Unlikely.  There are others I see regularly:  Mr. Sweat-a-Lot on the bench press, Grey Hooded Guy on the elliptical machine, Skinny Housewife on the elliptical machine in the women’s room, and Desperately Skinny Housewife on the weights.  There are a few fatty cakes I see randomly, but I do notice that most of the fatty cakes don’t come back.

It’s because they are in there without a clue as to what they are doing and when they don’t lose a pound after 10 days of “rigorous workout” they give up.  Personal trainers are so damn expensive.  I really want one but I can’t afford $75 for two sessions ten minute sessions every week.  Neither can a lot of people.  I would be reasonable because it would be a part-time job for me.  My life would not depend on overcharging desperate people trying to make a change in their lives.  Helping people lose weight should have minimal costs because thin, skinny people contribute better to society.

One, they look better, providing some lucky man or woman the opportunity to find a date, and dates are always important, especially in this economy.  Two, they work more because they aren’t all fat and unhealthy.  Three, they are natural motivators.  When us fatty cakes see a thin, beautiful person walk past it makes us work all that much harder.  Skinny people are better for the economy.  Since everything in the world is made for skinny people, they can buy it and skinny people make more money so they can afford all the stuff out there for them.  Lastly, skinny people are better for the environment.  Since they take up less space and breathe less than fat people, they leave plenty of oxygen for the ozone layer and leave a smaller carbon footprint.  So, see, thin, skinny people are just better all around.

I was lucky enough to have Mitko all to myself through the initial part of my quest for thinness.  Now I’m in that crucial part, the fork in the road where I can either continue on to all the glamour and fame associated with being skinny, or I could return to the dark side of fatty cakes.  Ten more pounds to meet my goal, but these last ten pounds are the worst.

I’ve been 143 pounds for two months.  All the weight loss and exercise guides say I’m doing something wrong, but you know what, they’re wrong!  All these fancy Ph.D. people and exercise gurus have got it all mixed up.  Because there is no way that I’m over here working out like a nuclear reactor core and eating 200 calories a day and I’m not losing weight.  This is why I need to become a personal trainer, to reveal the truth to other fatty cakes.  Somebody needs to show us how to get over that last hump and how to keep it off for good.

There’s lots of stuff for people who are super fat and there’s lots of stuff for skinny people who just need to tone up, but there’s nothing for that person who has had a long hard struggle and they just have a little bit more to go.  They tell you shit like change up your diet, change up your workout routine, blah blah blah and when none of that stuff works, they fall silent.

Short of taking a steak knife to my own belly and carving this extra fat off, I have no idea what else to do.  Until then, I’m going to have to wait on the whole personal trainer thing.

This is just one more thing put on hold until I get skinny.  Because nothing good happens to you until you’re skinny.

Ten Pounds Later #5: Screwing Up Your Goals

So…. here’s how you totally fuck up your goals.

I work out pretty much most nights of the week.  If I don’t do something I feel completely shitty.  I bought a cheap ass treadmill from Craig’s List, and I don’t allow myself to sit down and watch TV.  I either have to stand or walk on my treadmill.  I can power walk, chill walk or run.  It doesn’t matter.  No sitting allowed.

I have yoga tapes, weight lifting DVDs, cardio tapes.  I got a barbell in here with about 100 pounds of weights.  I got free weights all the way up to 20 pounds.  I have a gym membership and I get my ass thrown around a room at karate twice a week.  There is no excuse for not being active.  If I’m too lazy to go out, I have a home gym.  If I want to go outside, I have places to go.  There’s a running trail around here and I have some steps I can sprint up and down for shits’n'giggles.

NO FREAKIN’ EXCUSES!

Being active is only half the battle though.

YOU HAVE TO CONTROL WHAT THE FUCK YOU EAT.  You cannot…CANNOT… go to the gym for 3 hours then come home and eat a 3 tier cake and some pop rocks.  You just can’t. 

Want to know how to just fuck shit up without even trying? 

Instead of going to the gym, you go to Cakes Plus, order half a dozen cupcakes and a brownie.  Then go over to Baskin Robbins and get two scoops of the most fattening ice cream they have.  Then you eat ALL the cupcakes and most of the ice cream and you lay on your fat ass the rest of the day.

….which pretty much sums up what I did today.

I have less than 30 days to meet my end goal and I am shoving cupcakes into my mouth.  Instead of going to the gym and doing a spinning class, I went over to Maquona’s and had one chocolate on choclate cupcake and two chocolate on vanilla cupcakes… PLUS… half a scoop of Jamoca Almond Fudge and half a scoop of Pralines’n'Cream.  Do you  have any idea how many calories that is?  A scoop of Baskin Robbins ice cream is 270 calories.  We won’t even talk about the carbs.  Cupcakes?  One-hundred calories per cupcake, but that doesn’t include the frosting which has 150 calories for two teaspoons.  TWO FREAKIN’ TEASPOONS!

I just consumed 270+(150*3).  I completely suck ass at math, but let’s see here… 720?  Whatever.  You can round that up to 1000 just to make sure you get every little piece you might have eaten.  Every gooey, creamy, yummy, lickety, frosty crumb.

Just to let you all know.

Now I am home and my treadmill is staring at me like, “What’s up, bitch….”  You think I’m about to get on that thing?  Hell no.  My lazy ass is about to crawl in bed and watch 3 hours of Law and Order, then I’m going to fart, roll over and go to sleep.

That, my friends, is how you DON’T meet your goals.

Just in case you didn’t know.

Okay, yeah, I know what you’re thinking… Everyone is allowed to have a cheat day, and I know I am being hard on myself, but you really have to hold yourself accountable for everything.  You can have your cheat day, but you aren’t supposed to go on a psychotic fat splurge.  Give yourself credit for what you did right, but make sure you understand the things you did wrong. 

I remind myself of this now as buttery creamy frosting settles in my stomach and lick away a piece of cake crumb that has been sitting on my upper lip for the past half hour. 

I think there might be some frosting left underneath my nails.  Excuse me while I gorge myself.

Ten Pounds Later #4

This weekend I weighed myself and discovered that I am within 10 pounds of my target weight.  In the past year and a half I have shed 30 pounds and 10 per cent of my body fat.  It has not been easy, but no pain, no gain, as they say.

The last 10 pounds are the hardest to lose.  You think you’ve made it.  You think you can ease up a little bit, have a little bit more cake, workout a little bit less.  No, this is crunch time.  You are within sight of the finish line and it’s time to go hard or go home.

Last year I set a goal to look as good at That Total Age as I did when I was 17.  That doesn’t necessarily mean I will weigh what I weighed at 17.  It means that I will look good, feel good–look better, feel better than 17.  Sure, at 17 I weighed like 100 pounds but I couldn’t run anywhere.  I didn’t lift weights.  I was terribly out of shape.

I have 32 days until I reach that total age.  I’m not sure I can get these last 10 pounds off in 32 days, but I’m going to try like hell.

I joined a new gym over the weekend because the old gym just wasn’t cutting it for me.  For my first day back in the gym (I had been working out at home), I decided to take a spin class.

I swear to God, I lost 72 pounds in that 90 minute class.  If you have never taken a spinning class before, be prepared to hurt in places you have never hurt before.  Be prepared to feel like Death, Satan and your ex-boyfriend are chasing you all at once. 

First of all, the bike is made to be uncomfortable.  You’re not out for an evening ride through the park in the moonlight.  No, you are there to liquify fat and sweat it out your body.  You are there to work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  The seat is mad small, about 2 inches, hard as shit, made of bricks, nails and concrete.  It does not encourage casual sitting. 

Your ass crack literally hurts.  Not your ass.  Your crack.  Like… I don’t even know how to describe it.  Under your ass, those bones, they’re called sitz bones or some shit, that’s what hurts and after about 5 minutes you either can’t take it anymore or you go numb. 

Then you are leaning forward so that most of your weight is on your wrists and forearms.  Your shoulders are on fire.  You are peddling your life away.  The wheel is weighted so it’s going to keep on spinning whether you feel like it or not.  Unless you want your legs to get all tangled up, you better keep spinning! 

The instructor gives you instructions what you are supposed to do, stand up, sit down, stand up, peddle fast, hover, coast, sprint, fast jog, whatever.  This instructor is a lunatic.  Peddle, peddle, get out of your comfort zone.

She is screaming at you like a demonised psycho.  You don’t want to piss her off, so you keep peddling, faster, faster, faster.  Then I’m in this class with these skinny hoes, that are peddling like they are on a Huffy.  They’ve been taking the class so long that it’s nothing to him.

The woman next to me is Lance Armstrong.  She is mad chillin’ the whole time.  I’m about to die and she’s whistlin’ damn dixie.  Okay, I don’t want to look like an asshole, so I try harder. 

My ass hurts.  My feet hurt from being in the stirrups.  My shoulders hurt from holding my own body weight up for 90 minutes.  My wrists hurt.  Even my eyelashes hurt. 

I’m not a big sweater when I work out, but I was sweating buckets.  My t-shirt was completely soaked.  Sweat all down my back, all in my ass, dripping down the end of my nose, all into my mouth. 

If I don’t weigh 12 pounds by the end of this class, I am an alien.

Thighs are burning, calves are burning.  Peddle, peddle, peddle.  I’m freakin’ peddlin’ okay?  I’m peddlin’ like I’m on my way to meet Jesus.  I was peddlin’ so damn fast that even my hip bones were creaking.  This is ridiculous.

Surprisingly, my  heart could withstand the pressure, but the muscles in my body are literally on fire.  By the time we got to the cool down, I don’t even think I could feel anything anymore.  The woman next to me, Lance Armstrong, she is still peddlin’ like I don’t know what.  Okay, the race is over.  You won, hoe.  Damnit.

I get off the bike and my ass is like…. Oh my God.  Seriously.  I mean, seriously.  I did stretch, but I’m about to do some yoga right now because this is not a game, 2009…. I’m dead serious about getting this last little bit of weight off. 

I get in my car to drive home and I don’t even want to sit down.  I want to stand up driving.  I’m even typing this standing up. 

I’m serious. 

I’m going to go back but it’s going to be a few days because my ass just can’t take it anymore right now. 

I’ll let ya’ll know tomorrow if I’m able to walk or not.

But for real, 500 calories burned in 90 minutes.  That’s breakfast and half my lunch.

I’m also going vegetarian for a little while just to make sure.

When you see that chick comin’, you betta back up.  It ain’t a game, 2009!

10 Pounds Later: Second Quarter Progress Report

It’s that time again:

Time to hold myself accountable for my journey to physical fitness and the fruitless search of thinness.

The whole point of me writing all of this is to really put it out there what I am doing to achieve my goal.  I have found that when you are striving to do something it helps to let everybody in on the secret so that way there is nowhere to hide when you fuck up.  You have to ‘fess up to it, because everybody knows. 

The thing is, I am overweight and I wasn’t happy about it.  I tried to do something about it, but only half-assed and I didn’t really accomplish anything.  Now that I am forcing myself to hold myself accountable, I have achieved real results.  I think it’s because I got on here and told everybody that I weighed 171 pounds and I can’t wait to erase that from everybody’s mind when I tell them my new weight.  I guess it’s a motivator. 

Some women are so pressed about their weight.  It’s a big secret the actual number of pounds they weigh.  They guard their weight more closely than they guard their social security number. 

**in a low whisper** “Yeah, I weigh 191 pounds.”
**much louder** “But my social security number is 171-51-0990, and here’s my PIN number to my debit card 5510!!”

That makes no sense.  Just because you didn’t know I weighed 171 pounds, that doesn’t mean you can’t see that weigh a whole lot.  I don’t care if you weigh 112 pounds.  If you look fat, you’re fat.  That’s all there is to it.  Playing all these cute games isn’t helping you when you’re struggling to lose weight.  Own up to the mistakes you’ve made and move on from there.  The truth shall set you free!

At any rate.  Let’s see how I’m doing.

Exercise
For workouts I was doing tae kwon do twice a week, step aerobics twice a week, yoga 4-5 times a week, weight lifting 4-5 times a week, and random walking and running whenever I felt like it.  My neighbours gave me a treadmill to borrow because the wife was pregnant.  While I had the treadmill I walked or ran almost everyday for at least 30 minutes. 

I had to give the treadmill back in June.  I went on my two week Annual Tour in June, sleeping out in the woods for a week.  During that a week period, I lost 5 pounds because I didn’t eat anything and was taking these crack diet pills.

In July, I had family business to take care of and my little cousin was staying with me.  While he was here, I did not go to the gym at all.  I also did not go to tae kwon do.  He and I walked most afternoons down by the lake, but he can’t walk as fast or as far as I can.  I still continued to lift weights, but no yoga.

He has been gone for almost a week now, and I have started back step aerobics, running/walking everyday, weight lifting and yoga.  I’ll start tae kwon do again in September.

Dieting
I have been maintaining healthy eating habits with random binges of fat, calories and carbs.  While I was in Chicago on my extravaganza, that was a non-stop fat fast.  While on Annual Tour, I hardly ate anything.  While the kid was here, we ate out quite a few times a week, had extravagant desserts a few times a week, but I did cook more healthy meals when I did cook because he was here and I didn’t want him eating junk all the time. 

Results
Now for the numbers, because that’s all anybody cares about.

July 2007: 
Weight:  171 pounds. 
Chest:  44
Waist:  36.75
Lower belly:  40.25
Hips:  43.5
Body fat: 42 %
Size:  12

Really about to be a 14.  The 12 was cutting off my circulation, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to Lane Bryant.

By military standards I was considered grossly overweight.  By normal people standards, obese, almost morbidly obese.  Either way, disgusting and unacceptable and not the way I would want to be described.

April 2008:
Weight:  155
Chest:  38
Waist:  33.5
Lower belly:  34.75
Hips:  40.5
Body fat:  39%
Size:  Squeezing into an 8! 

At the white girl stores, I do need a 10 for this ass, but I can wear an 8 stretch.  I got a size 6 dress that I can actually pull up.  Can’t zip yet.  Working on it.

Still overweight for the military, but no longer considered morbidly obese.  Thank God for small blessings.

August 2008
Weight:  149
Chest:  38
Waist:  33
Lower belly:  35
Hips:  39.0
Body fat:  38%
Size:  8/10

Still can’t fit that size 6 dress I bought awhile ago.  It’s the chest actually that’s the problem. 

Military says still fat, but I feel and look loads better, so the military can kiss my sparkly ass.  At any rate, while I lost pounds, I didn’t lose very many inches and that’s actually what you need to lose in order to lose body fat.  You can be skinny as a stick but still have too high body fat.  Working on it.

Goal for December 2008:
Weight:  135
Chest:  34/36
Waist:  28
Lower belly:  31
Hips:  38
Body fat:  33%
Size:  6, maybe a 4.

Not sure if I am going to achieve this.  At the end of the October, I may have to re-evaluate to see if this is realistic.  It seems like losing an additional 15 pounds is easy, but in all actuality it’s just not. 

The scientists make it seem like a simple math problem.  Calories you eat minus the calories you expend, but the more and more your body becomes physically fit the easier it is to do certain exercises.  So when you first started, it may have taken you 500 calories to run a mile, but the more you run that mile, eventually it will only take you 250 calories to run the same mile.  Your body is more efficient.  Have to step up the pace, run longer, run faster, hills, and all that shit. 

Some of my workouts seem easy.  I can run and still watch Jeopardy! and answer the questions and everything, where before I could hardly even pay attention to what he was saying.  I need to make my workouts more demanding.

I also need to continue to control my sweet tooth.  Even now I am fiending for that last little bit of brownie I have in the pan. 

I wrote before the last 15 pounds to lose are always hardest.  I just need to remain focused.  2008 is half over and I don’t want to bring in 2009 as Bessie the Cake Eater. 

Bottom Line:
Continue to vary workouts, control eating habits and just remain positive.  Feel proud of myself that I actually looked good in my skanky ass shorts and not like an overloaded sausage.  Keep hope alive that one of these days I will breeze into one of Leon’s parties as a size 6 with flat Janet Jackson abs and Remy silk down to my perfectly shaped apple bottom.

It’s good to dream.

Ten Pounds Later #2: The Devil Teaches Aerobics

OMG.

The gym I go to has two buildings.  One is in a shopping centre near my Tae Kwon Do school and the other is across the street.  I usually go across the street, but I was bored and decided to go to the one in the shopping centre.

I did two classes.  One was cardio kickboxing.  It’s okay, but as a very wise woman once said, “My instructor doesn’t want me doing anything that my derail his teachings.”  Cardio kickboxing is good for cardio workout, but bad for people who actually take martial arts since the cardio class is not really focused on form.  You could develop bad habits from a class like that.

But the second class…. Cross Training.

Sounds so simple.  Sounded like it might be a cardio plus weight training class.  Oh, it was.  But nothing is ever as simple as it seems.

First of all, the instructor was sexxy as hell.  If I was gay, I’d be on that.  In fact, she might turn me gay.  She was older, but her body was bad.  I would say her shoulders were a little too muscled for me, but she was toned, small ass waist, curvy hips, round butt, nice thighs.  I was like… Oh my god, I want my body to look just like that.  She was a white lady but she didn’t look like some skinny ass crack whore.  And she didn’t look like some nasty ass body builder either.

Every woman has felt like this, even women who are very confident in themselves.  Every  now and again you come across a woman who is just so bangin’ that you feel like Fatty McFattypants next to her.  When you see a woman like that, you just want to put a garbage bag over your head and make a quiet exit.  Don’t even lie.  I have serious confidence in myself and I don’t hate on others who got it going on, but I have come across a few women that I’m like… goddamn!  This lady was one of them.  I’m sure even Beyonce has come across another woman who is just so on point that she is like… wait a minute.   I bet when this lady puts on her regular clothes she is a bad bitch.  But you can’t let that intimidate you.  You should let that motivate you.

I swear to you, in a year I am gonna be a bad bitch just like that.  I am not even playing.

But just as I was enamoured of her and jealous of her body, there is no time for that in her class.  She turned her music on and we just got to jumping.  The first twenty-five minutes was this crazy ass step-cardio high intensity routine.  You know I’m unco-ordinated and I was jumping all over the place like Cat On a Hot Tin Roof.  It doesn’t matter if you can’t do the moves, you just have to keep moving.  Burn calories.  In those 25 minutes I burned every calorie I have ever consumed in my entire life.

Part two:  weight training.

She did mega-sets.

Some people when they go to the gym, they pick an exercise.  We’ll see bicep curls.  They will do 3 sets of 15 each.  In between each set, you’ll take a 30 second break or whatever and do your next set and go on down the line until you get to your next exercise.  Not this lady.  We did 3 sets of every exercise, but every exercise was back-to-back-to-back-to-back.  No break.  She demanded that you pick the heaviest you could carry without hurting yourself.

Then if she caught you resting or getting sloppy she would call you out.  After 3 sets of chest presses, my chest was fried.  Then she wanted to do push-ups.  I can do push-ups.  But after chest presses, I don’t think so.  Then she wanted to do elevated push-ups.  I tried.  I did like two.  And then I got down on the floor and she was like, “Excuse me… You!  Lady in the back.  Did you come here by yourself?”

I was like.. yeah.

She said, “Oh, brave, brave girl.  But I want to see you do them elevated.  Get up on the step!”

I’m like… uhm, am I in basic training again?

Anybody she saw doing the exercise wrong, she was on their ass.  Anybody that was lazy, she was on their ass.  Anybody had too light of weights, she was on their ass.  See, most instructors, they don’t really care.  They are getting paid whether you get results or not.  In fact, they don’t even want you to get results because if you lose the weight you want, you won’t come back.

This lady was like, I don’t give a damn, you will work in this class.  She had us in there working like Hebrews.  I knew two girls in the class from my step class and they both said, “This class is hard.”  They weren’t even lying.

I think I worked more in that hour and a half than I ever have in my whole life put together, basic training included.  I had to leave early because it was getting late, but I will be back.

And that’s just the thing.  I am so motivated right now, you wouldn’t even believe.  I was on the phone with Ceciley just now and we were talking about our goals.  Ceciley is already thin.  I’m not.  And it’s not just about me being thin.  It’s about me having the bangin’est body I can get.

I don’t want to die when I’m 40.

I don’t want to have any hip, knee, etc replacements.

I don’t want to be in no wheel chair when I’m 50.

I want to be able to save my life if I should ever need to.

But I also have some very selfish goals.

I want to look better at 30 than I did at 17.

Whenever I run into an old boyfriend or the skanky hoe that he ditched me for, I want her to be like, “Goddamn, she looks good as hell,” and I want him to be like, “I should have never left her,” so I can be like, “You can’t even look at me.  Go back to the fat sloppy hoe you left me for.”

I want them to eat their hearts out.

I want every person that ever hated on me to have yet another reason to hate.

I want every person that cannot stand me to have yet another reason to just really dislike me.

I just want to be that chick.

I told Ceciley that I have brains, beauty and power.  I just need the body to pull it all together.  I’m already stuck up; I just need the total package to really be on myself.

Tiffany, that’s the instructor, is the devil and her class is called Hell.  I will be there every Tuesday and Thursday at 700 and she is going to help me achieve my results.

I would like to be 10 pounds lighter by the end of summer and have some serious muscle toning going on in my arms.  I need this flabbiness to go bye-bye!

I promise you.  There are 15 days until my birthday and there are 380 days until my next birthday.  I am planning on having a huge party to celebrate the milestone.  I will look the best I ever have in my entire life.  When I was 17, I was skinny but not toned and attractive.  When I’m 30, I’m just gonna be like whoa.  I have 380 days to achieve this.

There’s gonna be ups and downs.  There’s gonna be late night ice cream binges and egg foo young crazes.  There’s gonna be whole weeks where I don’t even look at a weight.  There’s gonna be mad excuses.  There’s gonna be a whole lot of blood, sweat and tears.

But I promise you in 380 days I will be 130 pounds with a flat tummy, well-toned arms, a sexxy ass, and thighs that just make you wanna slap yourself.

I’m not even playing.

10 Pounds Later #1: First Quarter Progress Report

As my readers well know, I am going strong with my commitment to weight loss.  Over the past few years, I was completely unaware as to how much weight I had been gaining.  Every year, you are pretty much going to pick up some weight.  That is a natural part of life.  But you shouldn’t be gaining 10-15 pounds a year.  Not only is it not attractive, it just isn’t healthy.

I plan on sitting down and putting together a totally detailed write-up about everything I have gone through with this ordeal.  It has not been easy.  Let me tell you that.  What started out as a bow to vanity has become a worry about health.  No, my doctor didn’t tell me I was going to die or anything crazy like that, but just some of the research I was looking at started to scare me because I had gotten so heavy.

Do you know this past July I weighed 170 pounds!!!!  I’m only five feet tall!  I must have looked like a butterball.  I’m surprised nobody shot at me thinking I was a goddamn turkey.  But seriously, at five feet tall, I shouldn’t weigh 170 pounds.  I know that a person can dress slim and give the appearance of thinness, but once you take off those clothes… it’s a wrap.  Nowhere to hide.

I took pictures of me back then, not naked, but scantily clad enough so that you could see what I looked like.

I’ve been taking pictures of me throughout this whole journey and when I am done, I will post them.  So you can see where I came from and where I went.  Not really for everyone else, but really for me to remind myself I can’t ever slip up and I don’t want to look like that again.

I have made excellent progress so far, but I still have so much further to go.  I am not interested in other people saying, “But you don’t look big,” or the army telling me that I am “obese.”  I am interested in how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror.

I didn’t keep an accurate record of gains and losses in the first 5 or 6 months I jumped on this crazy train.  I got weighed and measured in July for the Officer Candidate Program.  I weighed myself off and on, but I didn’t measure.  I started measuring in January.

You will look at me like I am crazy when I tell you all the bizarre stuff I have done.  Some of it worked and some of it didn’t.

The first  month, it seemed like it was going to be real easy.  I lost 4 pounds in August.  The say it’s healthy to lose 1-2 pounds a week.  Anything more than that is dangerous.

In September, I seemed to have stagnated even though I totally changed how I was eating and I started exercising a lot more.  A lot of days I had rebellion days.  I would go and work out at the gym for a few hours, eat oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch and one piece of chicken and vegetables for dinner.  Then I would weigh myself at the end of the week and see absolutely no change.  I would get frustrated and then go pig out on egg foo young and two scoops of ice cream.  Then I would gain because I did that and I said, fuck it.  What’s the point.

Then it didn’t help that a certain someone in my life was supportive in an unsupportive way.  Yeah, he applauded me for doing this, but he proved to be more detrimental than anything.  I started portion controlling, eating half of what I normally ate.  But if I had a 100-calorie snack pack he would look at me like “Should you be eating that?”  It made me feel guilty so I would pig out before I met up with him and he would never know the difference.  If you’re struggling with weight loss, a person who has been thin and in shape all your their does not understand what you are going through. They think losing weight is so easy.  Like you can go to the gym tonight and wake up 10 pounds lighter tomorrow. They have an outdated outlook on losing weight.  They think you should deny yourself your favourite things and sit there starving.  He actually said that to me one time.

We saw this 9 year old boy on TV who was like 175 pounds and he said once his mother put him on a diet he always felt hungry.  My friend said, “Good, you should be hungry.  Then you  might lose some weight.”  Okay, dumbass, being hungry makes you eat.  How do you lose weight if you are eating to avoid feeling hungry?  You don’t need people like this in your life.  Thank them for their help but then tell them to fuck off.

In October, I pumped it up on the exercising.  I joined Tae Kwon Do and lost a few more pounds.  I was getting pretty strong by the end of the month but I was taking that into consideration.  I still felt like the weight should just be melting off me.  An hour and a half of hard core cardio and push ups and sit ups and everything else, can I at least lose one pound?

In November, I started getting up at 5am to go to the gym at my job to run on the treadmill.  I had been running/walking outside but it got too cold and it got dark too early after the time change.  I ran, power walked, did the elliptical machine for at least one hour almost EVERY SINGLE DAY.  I even tried a week of starvation.  I did not lose one pound in November.

In December, I was up and down.  I was still working out but my eating habits were all over the place.  Most of the time I felt depressed because I was putting so much work in and nothing was really happening.  I started feeling like I was just destined to be fat and I should just give up.

January, I started with a whole new outlook.  I love food and I’m not going to deny myself my favourite things.  I joined a gym and started the crazy step aerobics class with Gina and the circuit classes.  My neighbours gave me their treadmill so now when I watch m favourite show Law and Order, I walk at the same time.

When I am bored or talking on the phone, I get on the treadmill and walk instead of just sitting there.  I bought weights and a step and recorded all the weight training shows on FitTV with my DVR I bought on Black Friday.  I started working out 6 days a week, controlling my portions.  If I had a bad day, I tried not to beat myself up over it.  If I want ice cream, I add 30 extra minutes on the treadmill.  I guess God was really hearing my prayers because suddenly I just started losing weight again.  Not like 10 pounds everyday, but enough to give me some motivation.

Now it’s April and I’m plateauing again.  It’s time for me to increase it.  Run longer.  Lift heavier weights.  That sort of thing.

I’m to the point that my eating habits are totally changed.  More vegetables in my life.  Fruit when I’m hungry.  If I get that “I’m bored, so I should eat” feeling, I eat fruit or a bowl of cereal.  Instead of a tub of ice cream, cocoa pebbles does the trick for my sweet craving.  A lot less fat.  Cut my carbs down.  Chinese food only once a week.  Ice cream every couple of weeks.  I don’t really have a diet.  I’m not counting calories.  I tried it, it sucked.  But I am mindful of how much is on my plate.  No second helpings.  Eat slower so my brain can realise I’m full.  If I know I’m going to a fat fest, I just add an extra workout that day.  I couldn’t even eat like I used to if I wanted to because my stomach now realises it was way too much going on.

So, now what you all have been waiting for.  The results!

The first quarter statistics:

July 2007:
Weight:  169
Chest:  44
Waist:  36.75
Lower belly:  40.25
Hips:  43.5
Size:  12, really about to be a 14.  The 12 was cutting off my circulation, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to Lane Bryant.

April 2008:
Weight:  151
Chest:  38
Waist:  31.5
Lower belly:  34.25
Hips:  39.5
Size:  8!  At the white girl stores, I do need a 10 for this ass, but I can wear an 8 stretch and I can wear size 8 dresses with no problem at all.  I got a size 6 dress that I can actually pull up.  Can’t zip yet.  Working on it.

Goal for December 2008:
Weight:  130
Chest:  34/36
Waist:  28
Lower belly:  31
Hips:  38
Size:  6, maybe a 4.

As you can see, I still have a long way to go.  But I am working at it.  You know the last 10-15 pounds are always the hardest because you have to really, really step up your game.  I cannot be half-assed.

Once I meet the goal, then I must keep it for at least one year.  Experts say that if you keep off the weight for at least one year, that you have accomplished half the battle.

It’s not enough to go on a diet and exercise for a few weeks.  If you lose big time weight, you have to change your whole lifestyle.  You have to keep it up for the rest of your life.  Once you slip up, the weight comes back twice as hard and even harder to come off again.

If I get down to 130, I think I can live with being a psycho work out queen.  Now that I am not gasping for breath every five seconds, I actually like working out.  I regret when I have to miss a class because of work or something.  I am starting to fit in clothes that were previously abandoned.  I sleep a whole lot better.  My skin looks better.  I have a ton of energy.  I started going to the clubs again, dancing all night.  For some reason when I was really big, I couldn’t do that.  I am just feeling really good about myself right now.