As my readers well know, I am going strong with my commitment to weight loss. Over the past few years, I was completely unaware as to how much weight I had been gaining. Every year, you are pretty much going to pick up some weight. That is a natural part of life. But you shouldn’t be gaining 10-15 pounds a year. Not only is it not attractive, it just isn’t healthy.
I plan on sitting down and putting together a totally detailed write-up about everything I have gone through with this ordeal. It has not been easy. Let me tell you that. What started out as a bow to vanity has become a worry about health. No, my doctor didn’t tell me I was going to die or anything crazy like that, but just some of the research I was looking at started to scare me because I had gotten so heavy.
Do you know this past July I weighed 170 pounds!!!! I’m only five feet tall! I must have looked like a butterball. I’m surprised nobody shot at me thinking I was a goddamn turkey. But seriously, at five feet tall, I shouldn’t weigh 170 pounds. I know that a person can dress slim and give the appearance of thinness, but once you take off those clothes… it’s a wrap. Nowhere to hide.
I took pictures of me back then, not naked, but scantily clad enough so that you could see what I looked like.
I’ve been taking pictures of me throughout this whole journey and when I am done, I will post them. So you can see where I came from and where I went. Not really for everyone else, but really for me to remind myself I can’t ever slip up and I don’t want to look like that again.
I have made excellent progress so far, but I still have so much further to go. I am not interested in other people saying, “But you don’t look big,” or the army telling me that I am “obese.” I am interested in how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror.
I didn’t keep an accurate record of gains and losses in the first 5 or 6 months I jumped on this crazy train. I got weighed and measured in July for the Officer Candidate Program. I weighed myself off and on, but I didn’t measure. I started measuring in January.
You will look at me like I am crazy when I tell you all the bizarre stuff I have done. Some of it worked and some of it didn’t.
The first month, it seemed like it was going to be real easy. I lost 4 pounds in August. The say it’s healthy to lose 1-2 pounds a week. Anything more than that is dangerous.
In September, I seemed to have stagnated even though I totally changed how I was eating and I started exercising a lot more. A lot of days I had rebellion days. I would go and work out at the gym for a few hours, eat oatmeal for breakfast, salad for lunch and one piece of chicken and vegetables for dinner. Then I would weigh myself at the end of the week and see absolutely no change. I would get frustrated and then go pig out on egg foo young and two scoops of ice cream. Then I would gain because I did that and I said, fuck it. What’s the point.
Then it didn’t help that a certain someone in my life was supportive in an unsupportive way. Yeah, he applauded me for doing this, but he proved to be more detrimental than anything. I started portion controlling, eating half of what I normally ate. But if I had a 100-calorie snack pack he would look at me like “Should you be eating that?” It made me feel guilty so I would pig out before I met up with him and he would never know the difference. If you’re struggling with weight loss, a person who has been thin and in shape all your their does not understand what you are going through. They think losing weight is so easy. Like you can go to the gym tonight and wake up 10 pounds lighter tomorrow. They have an outdated outlook on losing weight. They think you should deny yourself your favourite things and sit there starving. He actually said that to me one time.
We saw this 9 year old boy on TV who was like 175 pounds and he said once his mother put him on a diet he always felt hungry. My friend said, “Good, you should be hungry. Then you might lose some weight.” Okay, dumbass, being hungry makes you eat. How do you lose weight if you are eating to avoid feeling hungry? You don’t need people like this in your life. Thank them for their help but then tell them to fuck off.
In October, I pumped it up on the exercising. I joined Tae Kwon Do and lost a few more pounds. I was getting pretty strong by the end of the month but I was taking that into consideration. I still felt like the weight should just be melting off me. An hour and a half of hard core cardio and push ups and sit ups and everything else, can I at least lose one pound?
In November, I started getting up at 5am to go to the gym at my job to run on the treadmill. I had been running/walking outside but it got too cold and it got dark too early after the time change. I ran, power walked, did the elliptical machine for at least one hour almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. I even tried a week of starvation. I did not lose one pound in November.
In December, I was up and down. I was still working out but my eating habits were all over the place. Most of the time I felt depressed because I was putting so much work in and nothing was really happening. I started feeling like I was just destined to be fat and I should just give up.
January, I started with a whole new outlook. I love food and I’m not going to deny myself my favourite things. I joined a gym and started the crazy step aerobics class with Gina and the circuit classes. My neighbours gave me their treadmill so now when I watch m favourite show Law and Order, I walk at the same time.
When I am bored or talking on the phone, I get on the treadmill and walk instead of just sitting there. I bought weights and a step and recorded all the weight training shows on FitTV with my DVR I bought on Black Friday. I started working out 6 days a week, controlling my portions. If I had a bad day, I tried not to beat myself up over it. If I want ice cream, I add 30 extra minutes on the treadmill. I guess God was really hearing my prayers because suddenly I just started losing weight again. Not like 10 pounds everyday, but enough to give me some motivation.
Now it’s April and I’m plateauing again. It’s time for me to increase it. Run longer. Lift heavier weights. That sort of thing.
I’m to the point that my eating habits are totally changed. More vegetables in my life. Fruit when I’m hungry. If I get that “I’m bored, so I should eat” feeling, I eat fruit or a bowl of cereal. Instead of a tub of ice cream, cocoa pebbles does the trick for my sweet craving. A lot less fat. Cut my carbs down. Chinese food only once a week. Ice cream every couple of weeks. I don’t really have a diet. I’m not counting calories. I tried it, it sucked. But I am mindful of how much is on my plate. No second helpings. Eat slower so my brain can realise I’m full. If I know I’m going to a fat fest, I just add an extra workout that day. I couldn’t even eat like I used to if I wanted to because my stomach now realises it was way too much going on.
So, now what you all have been waiting for. The results!
The first quarter statistics:
Lower belly: 40.25
Size: 12, really about to be a 14. The 12 was cutting off my circulation, but I couldn’t bring myself to go to Lane Bryant.
Lower belly: 34.25
Size: 8! At the white girl stores, I do need a 10 for this ass, but I can wear an 8 stretch and I can wear size 8 dresses with no problem at all. I got a size 6 dress that I can actually pull up. Can’t zip yet. Working on it.
Goal for December 2008:
Lower belly: 31
Size: 6, maybe a 4.
As you can see, I still have a long way to go. But I am working at it. You know the last 10-15 pounds are always the hardest because you have to really, really step up your game. I cannot be half-assed.
Once I meet the goal, then I must keep it for at least one year. Experts say that if you keep off the weight for at least one year, that you have accomplished half the battle.
It’s not enough to go on a diet and exercise for a few weeks. If you lose big time weight, you have to change your whole lifestyle. You have to keep it up for the rest of your life. Once you slip up, the weight comes back twice as hard and even harder to come off again.
If I get down to 130, I think I can live with being a psycho work out queen. Now that I am not gasping for breath every five seconds, I actually like working out. I regret when I have to miss a class because of work or something. I am starting to fit in clothes that were previously abandoned. I sleep a whole lot better. My skin looks better. I have a ton of energy. I started going to the clubs again, dancing all night. For some reason when I was really big, I couldn’t do that. I am just feeling really good about myself right now.