The Notion of Friendship I

A friend of mine from work got me hooked on this stupid MySpace thing and now I can’t stop looking at it. I’ve added everyone I know from work, the military, and people from my old high school in that pit of despair known as Yuma.

While clicking through pages of alumni I came across someone I have not seen in, God, ages, it seems. A gamut of emotions run through me as I contemplate what has happened, what would have happened, and what will happen.

And so I ask… when an atrocity has been committed against you, what do you do? Do you forgive and forget? Do you hunt the offender down to the ends of the earth, maim and kill him? Do you suck it up and drive on? All three of these options has crossed my mind. I choose one, but something will happen where I change my mind.

What am I talking about, you ask? God, it’s such a long story that there’s not enough GB on the internet to go into it all. The bottom line: I had this huge falling out with someone very important to me. There’s so much more to this story than I am letting on, but after years of deliberation I find that it’s not even that important to me anymore.

I see that he is alive and well. He is doing very well for himself. I knew he would because he’s always been a survivor. We used to joke about him being dumb, and the wheels churning in his head, but it was just a joke. He may not be some scholar, but he’s smart and knows how to handle his business. At any rate, I am chewing the lacqer off my nails because I am wondering what I should do. Should I let the moment pass? Or should I contact him? But what if I contact him and he’s like, “Bitch! Who the hell are you?” Like I did to Skare-a-Whore when she tried to email me.

He was my shopping buddy. My personal stylist. My movie date. Sushi partner. Physical trainer. Personal motivator. Life coach. Therapist. Shrink. Life Coach. Partner in crime. Star-crossed lover. Roommate. Best friend in the whole wide world.

We were friends for ten years before this whole charade that happened between us. I just want the whole thing to be over. Life is so short. What if he died before I found him again? What if I died? We always had this joke that we were going to kill ourselves at 35 to avoid old age and wrinkles.

I don’t know. I’ve completely ruined the varnish, and my hair is frizzing up because I’m thinking so hard.

What if we are totally different now and we have nothing to reconnect to?

I must think about this.

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I got on the damn internet to do some work, but I’ve been bullshitting on MySpace and LiveJournal. Look where it got me. I need to think.

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