Daily News January 9

China Tightens Adoption Guidelines
Americans adopting Chinese children were pretty much allowed free reign when it came to who could adopt.  In May 2007, China will change all that to make tighter guidelines.  As of May 2007, no one who is fat or ugly will be allowed to adopt.  The guidelines also include a restriction on single parents, only married couples between 30 and 50 will be allowed to do so.  Oh yeah, you can’t be on anti-depressents either.  Critics say that it is a good idea that China is finally imposing restrictions because previously any fat ugly person could adopt a child, despite the fact that this fat ugly person could provide a good, loving home for an orphan, especially an orphan with mental disorder.  (A lot of mentally handicapped children are adopted from China)

Well, excuse me, they didn’t say fat or ugly, they said obese and facial deformity.  So who determines if you are too ugly to adopt?  Do they have some style committee, and you get up there and stand before them and they pick apart your appearance?  “No, I think that uni-brow detracts from her appearance.  No, she’s too ugly.  ADOPTION DENIED!”  So now that you have to be a married couple, what if you are attractive and your spouse is ugly?  Should you divorce your spouse and marry someone more attractive in order to adopt?  Maybe not, but if you’re too fat, you can go on a diet and then adopt, and then gain the weight back.  If this happens, do they take the child away from you?  

Or… what if you are attractive now and you get hit by a drunk driver, resulting in facial deformities, can they take the child away?  I think China is raising more questions than answers in this ridiculous charade to impose restrictions on their adoption process.  I guess just being a loving, caring person who has the means and drive to love and take care of a child is not enough these days.  You have to be skinny and beautiful superficially too.

Chuck E. Cheese Flasher
So, a man took his two daughters to Chuck E. Cheese the other day for some fun and games.  Everyone was having a good time, until the man decided to pull his pants down.  Naturally, this angered the parents of the other children and they chased the man out of the store and proceeded to beat his ass in the middle of the street.  

My question is, what sort of man is this to walk into some place where there are children and take your pants down?  What about your own kids?  This guy had two daughters.  Did he flash his own children?  Is he a CHIMO, and if so, why does he have custody of his daughters and why is he allowed in places there are children?  If he wasn’t a CHIMO before, he should be considered one now.  

I’m glad the parents beat him up.  What they should have done is went in the back and got some of that hot ass pizza grease and threw it on his nutsack.  I bet he won’t be so quick to flash little kids again.

Grease Robber
I didn’t get a chance to get the entire story but some kid tried to break into either a home or business by climbing into the grease duct on the roof.  Okay, are you that desperate that you would slide into some nasty grease trap in order to get something?  And then how was this guy going to get out?  Climb back through the grease with whatever he had stolen?  It wouldn’t be worth anything if some blackened grease soot got into it?  I guess the guy got stuck.  I’m surprised he didn’t drown in the grease, but the cops got him, and you should have seen him on TV.  He was charred up with grease.  Criminals don’t usually be the brightest individuals but this is really… really odd.

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