Daily News January 31

Fat Tyra Banks

Okay, so why is the issue of Tyra Banks’ weight such a front page issue?  Nobody really gives a damn if the bitch is fat or not.  She is a woman who makes a lot of money doing whatever it she does, so she can be fat or skinny or a crack junkie for all we care.  She is on the cover of all these magazines, even had an interview with Larry King to discuss these “slanderous” comments about her weight.  I think the whole thing has been blown out of proportion.  She probably got mad that someone called her fat and she feels like she has to make an issue out of it to hide her insecurity. 

Meanwhile, after the interview she goes home to stuff her face full of Little Debbie snack pies and half a gallon of pre-mix cake batter.

“Crime” of the Century

Two teenage geniuses try to rob a man walking down the street in San Diego the other day.  The man ran away and the two kids ran after him.  After awhile, they got tired and they gave up on him.  They stopped to take a breather and took off the masks they were wearing to cover their faces, right in front of the cameras of the police headquarters.

This is why you should stay in school.

No Babysitter for the Bank Robber

Sometimes people get an opportunity to take their children to work.  You know, they have that take the children to work day thing or whatever.  Usually, it’s older kids, someone who has the attention span and the ability to appreciate what mommy and daddy does all day.  You probably don’t take babies, because, I don’t know, call me crazy, but they would probably get in the way.

Especially if you are a bank robber.  So how about this guy is robbing a bank and he runs away to the get away car.  The police chase after him, and they catch him.  What do they find in the car?  Weapons, masks, a large sum of cash, and his 19-month old child in the back seat of the car.

I guess he was trying to teach his kid the tricks of the trade, so he could start a family business:  Bank Robber & Son.

The Stealing Sisters

Some nuns in Greece abandoned their convent when they robbed they racked up a debt of 600,000 euros (about $777,000) rom some knitting business that didn’t do so well.  Fifty-five nuns just took off; officials say that more than likely they went to another monastery in Greece.  Church of Greece said they will try to repay the debt.

Isn’t there a commandment of “thou shalt not steal?”  I mean, they are nuns… Who would throw a nun in jail?

Cross Dressing Deserter

So obviously, this guy has been watching too many episodes of MASH.  This guy ran away from a naval facility he was stationed at in Pensacola, FL.  He was just like, “I had enough of this military thing.”  So he deserted.  To hide it,  he started dressing like a woman.  The police pulled him over on some random thing like expired license plate and they discovered this man dressed up in women’s clothing, fake lashes, and a whole lot of makeup.  When they ran his ID, they discovered he had a warrant out for his arrest for desertion.

They took his ass into custody and sent him back to the base for a court martial.

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