It has been a relatively quiet for me the past few weeks. I got completely settled into my new apartment, and I’ve just been getting up going to work and coming home. Not really doing much of anything, trying to keep a low profile because I can’t do any overtime; therefore, I have no extra money to spend.
I went and took my Customs exam on Friday, along with half of everybody else that works with me. I doubt they will do so much hiring for this pool of applicants. My agency has such a bad name that it’s hard for any of us to get away from this place. It will be years, maybe decades before this place comes with a reputable name. The exam was hard. I am usually quite good at taking tests, but I feel like a brain-dead dummy after taking that exam. I don’t feel very confident and I don’t expect to get very high marks. Oh well.
That same day I worked on my application for Officer Candidate School. Next week I’ll attend an orientation weekend at the 70th. This is a good opportunity for me. I’d been putting it off ever since I joined. My dad has always been saying that if I was going to be in the military I’d better be an officer. First of all, I don’t take orders too well so being in charge will probably be helpful. Plus, as an officer I won’t be doing menial work like I could be doing as just a regular private-sergeant-whatever.
In a previous post, I mentioned a certain special someone has come back into my life. I pray that I actually see the barely disguised blessing in this. I thought I lost this individual forever and the fact that he has come back after everything I did to him, it must mean something. PLEASE DON’T LET ME FUCK IT UP! I’m so stupid; I never realise how good I have it until after it’s gone. I treated him so poorly when he was around and all he ever did was be crazy for me. I was chasing after some other useless fool, not even seeing what I had in the hand was worth fifteen times what was in the bush.
That is the problem with women. We always want what is not good for us. Just because it is exciting, or wrapped in some pretty foil. Once you peel away that wrapping paper, there’s garbage beneath. The sad part is, you can smell the trash before you even get up to it, but no, we are attracted by brightly shining things. And here is this nice, simple, plain little thing on the side and there’s nothing wrong with him, except that he doesn’t shine enough. Women are so dumb.
At any rate, we’ve been spending quite a lot of time together these past few weeks. I’m enjoying every minute of it. I think there’s reservations on his part, and quite naturally, considering that I was never considerate of his feelings before. I think he’s feeling me out, trying to figure out where my head is. I’m going to let him know that I’ve done so much growing up since the last time we met. I’m not a totally different person, but I’m far more mature and far more reasonable than I used to be.
I hope he sees that.