The Weight on My Shoulders

Everyone goes through those ups and downs in life.  Shannon was telling me just yesterday that her life seems to be on a permanent roller coaster.  She’ll be high, all kinds of blessings, and the next day she’ll be low, just going through it.  Some people are on a high all the time and never experience the low, and some people just don’t have any luck and are always down.

I’m not talking about emotionally, although sometimes that can surely play into it.  I’m just talking about the way life goes sometimes.  Some years you hate your job, you don’t get paid enough, can barely pay your bills, you did poorly in school, your kids getting on your nerve… whatever the case may be.  Other years, you won the lottery, all your bills are paid off, you are having a great life, like you are on cloud nine.

I said before 2006 just wasn’t my year.  It started terribly and ended even worse than it began.  At the end of 2006, I said I was determined to make 2007 my year, and I really am.  I have made so many changes in my life in the past few months that I know my day will come.  It’s rough when you aren’t perfect.  I’ve made my share of dumb ass mistakes, but that is to be expected when I don’t have any common sense.  I swear, I could write a book based on my stupidity.

At any rate, during all my down times all I can do is pray that a brighter day will come.  I know that the Lord will never put more on me than I can bear.  When the weight on my shoulders gets heavy and I feel like, “Fuck this,” I know that before it gets better, it has to get worse, and that ‘worse’ won’t be more than I can take.

It’s just hard sometimes to keep sight of that.

Right now, I feel like I’m at my lowest point, and I hope it is, because if this is rock-bottom then the only way I can go is up.

Somebody say a prayer for me!

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