The last time I was at work (which seems like aeons ago) someone asked me why I get on myspace and use cute pet names like nobody knows who I’m talking about. Then I didn’t have enough time to really answer the question. It does seem kind of dumb for me to say ‘Jack’ when you know I mean ‘Matt,’ or whatever.
That isn’t the point.
It’s the end result I’m after, and like usual, some people missed the point. Again, if this doesn’t apply to you, calm down. Sometimes I make statements are general and don’t really have anything to do with anybody in particular and people always get so offended because they think I’m talking about them, but really you were never even a consideration. Everything is not about you.
At any rate. There’s three reasons:
A. You know who I’m talking about. I know you know who I’m talking about. It’s not the point to play a guessing game, “Oh, I wonder who she’s talking about?” There’s no big secret because there are no secrets at Titties, Sex, and Ass. Everything you do is front page news because people are dying to know who you are fucking, who is cheating on who, who got pregnant, who had an abortion, etc. I’m included in that. For some reason, there’s this thing in me where I really need to know what is going on. We all play cute in the beginning, “Oh, I can’t tell. I promised I wouldn’t say anything,” but YOU WANT TO TELL SOMEONE and eventually you will. Don’t play cute and act like your friends’ secrets are safe with you because they are not. Who you thought was like a vault is wiiiiiiide open. The only way your secret is safe is if you move to another planet. This is a game where EVERYONE is a loser.
b. Believe it or not, there are some people who honestly don’t have a clue who I’m talking about. That’s only because they weren’t working at Titties, Sex, and Ass when it all went down, or they have never had the pleasure or displeasure of working with whomever I’m talking about. For those people who don’t know, well, they missed out on some good gossip. They may find out eventually because rumours get around, but by the time they really understand what is happening, there’s something else more important going on.
c. And the most important, most amusing reason of all: Have you ever read something in this blog, or heard some gossip in the break room that involved YOU. For example, you read that Katie (your friend) really can’t stand you and she wishes you would die. Instead of saying Katie, I use a cute little pet name like DeeDee, but you really know who I’m talking about. So you find out your friend really hates your guts and the next day she finds out that YOU found out (because she read it here) but she still talks to you like you are best friends. I have seen this happen to me. I get on here and start talking about everyone I hate, anyone I may or may not have dealt with, and I know those people have read it and the next day they are like, “What’s up!” That is so funny to me. Because if we declare open warfare on each other, then we won’t know what each other is thinking. We have to be pretend friends so we can see each other’s cards. You’ve heard that saying, “keep your friends close but your enemies closer.” There’s a reason for that.
Okay, I’m not that dumb. It’s no big secret that all along I was talking about you. How could you even think I thought I was getting away with something? How could you think that you had something one up on me? You were laughing behind your hands like, “Oh this dumb bitch don’t think I know.”
No, dummy, I know you know and I’m putting it out there because I want to know what you really think. It’s a dialogue. We are actually communicating with each other in a roundabout way. You talk about me and I find out, I talk about you and post it in my blog.
Oh, my God, I wonder who she’s talking to!