Searcing For the Meaning of Life

Does anybody ever know what they want out of life? I mean, really. While you stare at your computer screen reading my senseless words, I want you to stop, and think about what is really important in your life. Then, I want you to stop and think about what you really want out of life. Do you want a lot of money? Do you want a loving family? What? What is it that you want?

If you are like millions of people who really don’t have a fucking clue what they want from life, you probably just thought about something trite like, “a happy, healthy family,” “enough money to be comfortable,” or some other equally unimportant goal. A lot of people do that. A lot of people don’t really know what they want from life, so they just settle for whatever comes their way. They figure, “Well, it happened because God wanted this for me, so I should just take it and be happy.” And I’m not saying that we should never be ungrateful for the things God has given us, because without Him, well who even knows what this world would be like. We think it’s bad now, but if there was no God, it would be a big ol’ mess.

All right, so let’s say you are one of those people who really knows what you want out of life. You have a clear definition of what you want. You want it so bad you can taste it. Do you know how to get it? Do you know what it really takes to get the things you want ouf of life? If you do, do you know how to achieve them? Sometimes people know what they want, they know how to get it, but they don’t know how to go about doing it. Everyone knows if you want a lot of money, you got to work hard. Yeah, well, we all work hard, and so how many of us have a lot of money? Something obviously is missing.

I’m writing this because I think I have no fucking clue what I want out of life. I am so wishy-washy. I am flighty as a butterfly. I pick goals and then change them every five minutes so I never accomplish anything. The only thing I have ever really completed was my education because I know it’s the underlying element to everything. I also happen to think education is important even if you aren’t trying to get some big job, or whatever. Nothing turns me off more than an uneducated dummy. People who just don’t know anything. But we’ll talk about that later.

We’re talking about how I never seem to make any sense, how I never know what the “F” I want from life. What do I want? Do I want some big corporate job? Do I want to be a bum? Do I want to sit around and do nothing of any significance? I just don’t know.

Do I want to stay in Baltimore? Do I want to move back to Florida? Do I want to move to someplace else? I was thinking about going overseas. I saw a few jobs in England and other locales that sound interesting. But going overseas by yourself is kind of extravagant, not to mention dreadfully expensive. Plus, I’m still in the military. It would be hard to drill in Maryland from United Kingdom.

If I stay with a big corporate job then I’ll have more responsibilities and be more stressed, although I’ll make a lot more money, and have work that is fulfilling and interesting. Or, if I go get some meaningless job, it’ll pay less, but I’ll have more time for myself, I won’t be as stressed and I’ll probably enjoy life more. Or I could move back home, but who really wants to be as old as I am living at home?

See what I mean about not really knowing what the “F” I want do with myself? I don’t even know if I want to be rich or just comfortable.

What a mess my life is.

………but! I can say that in the past few weeks, the things that were making my life hell have been eradicated. I can honestly admit that I’m in a much better frame of mind these past few days. I think I actually smiled the other day. It was good not having to go to work on Sunday. Oh wait, I hadn’t been going to work anyway.

No, for real though, sometimes all a person needs is a little time away from the insanity to sort himself out. Friends mean well, but sometimes they can cloud the issue. Everyone wants to put in their two cents about what is best for your life, but really the only person who can make the decision is you. It’s your life. You better live it how you see fit. As far as we know, we only get one. You don’t want to wasted it listening to everyone else’s wack ass decisions. Especially, if you take a look around you. Look at your friends, your closest homies. Are their lives perfect? Hell no, and you want to take advice from them? Yeah, okay.

So, anyway, while I try to figure out what the hell I want from life, I’m going to finish off this bowl of chocolate cereal.

Whoever invented this stuff had me in mind.


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