Daily News September 17

O.J. Simpson Done Done It Again

All right, this fool has already been in trouble before. Serious trouble. We already know the infamous case where he was brought up on murder charges, where supposedly he killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman. How can anyone forget the white Bronco case. “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.” Yeah, yeah.

This fool gets away with bloody murder. I’m not a lawyer; I didn’t even follow the case in 1995. I was… 15? Who cares about some old football player and his marital problems.

At any rate, he got away with murder, you would think he has the good sense to keep his nose clean. People were astounded when he was acquitted of the murder charges and those who wanted justice done were just waiting, hoping for a time when they could pounce on him. They got his ass in the civil trial. Ron Goldman’s father took him to the cleaners, and now look….

He done done it again. He has been arrested on armed robbery charges and assault with a deadly weapon. Allegedly, he ran up in someone’s hotel room with some other guys sporting weapons The man whose hotel room they ran into, is some sort of sports memorabilia collector and OJ claimed the man had some items that belonged to him. What makes all of this so juicy is that someone recorded the entire altercation. On the tape is OJ talking about “No one is leaving the room,” “Think you can steal my shit and sell it,” you know, stuff like that. It don’t look too good for him.

If he is convicted he could get up to 35 years. He is 60 years old now. Hmm, O.J. free at 95? Damn, son.

Man Half-Eaten By Alligator, Bystanders Thought It Was a Joke

A man was snorkeling in South Carolina when a 6 foot, 600 lb alligator snatched him up and bit off his entire arm. The man managed to get his way to shore where bystanders found him.

One tourist said, “He was bleeding profusely. We thought it was a joke.”

Does this statement even begin to make sense? He was bleeding profusely. We thought it was a joke. I want to repeat it just so you really understand the stupidity of this statement. He was bleeding profusely. We thought it was a joke.

So if you are on the beach and some poor man crawls out of the water with his arm missing and blood spurting out of the gaping hole, are you going to think it’s funny? Why would you think it’s a joke? I can’t even believe this man said that on national TV.

Luckily for the injured man, the bystanders were a group of nurses and their husbands. The nurses took care of him until EMTs could arrive. The alligator was killed and the arm removed from the stomach. At this time, doctors are unsure if the arm can be reattached.

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