Daily News September 18

1000 lb Man Removed From Home By Forklift
In Lansing, Michigan a 1000 lb man was removed from his home yesterday by forklift. The windows were removed and two trees were cut down so the man could be extracted.

The man lives with his brother who takes care of him and a nurse comes round to check on him. She was “concerned about his health” and called for help.

The neighbours came outside to enjoy the show of a fat man being pulled out of his apartment on a crane.

What is wrong with this picture? The man weighs 1000 lbs and the nurse says, “I am concerned for his health.” You should have been concerned for his health when he passed the 250 pound mark. Any well-informed person knows that the heavier you are, the unhealthier you are. You should be an appropriate weight for you height as well as physically fit in order to avoid problems. I would say being 1000 lbs is a problem, 900, 800, 700, 600, all the way down to like 300 lbs should be a cause for concern.

Why the nurse waited until he was a whopping grand in fat is beyond me.

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Senator Sues God
A senator in Oklahoma is suing God to prove a point about frivolous lawsuits. Senator Ernie Chambers says anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody, including God.

According to Senator Chambers, God has made terror threats, floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, plagues, famine, drought, war and birth defects and he thinks He should be made to answer for all of this. Chambers further blasphemizes by saying that God has shown no remorse for His actions and if tragedy strikes He will laugh.

Since God is omnipresent, He can be sued in any state, any country, anywhere at any time.

Yeah, so I think Senator Chambers just bought himself a one way ticket to the lowest ring of hell. I will not dare to assume what God is thinking, but I think God has a sense of humour, but He will not find this amusing in the slightest.

Over top all this, I think Senator Chambers is wrong. God did not do all these things He’s accused of, it’s the devil in people that do these things.

Senator Chambers should be suing Satan, not God.

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