Daily News September 22

Man Buys Grill, Gets Human Leg
A man in North Carolina bought a grill from an auction and for whatever reason, he either didn’t look inside or he didn’t look closely. When he got the grill home, he decided to have a closer look and found a human leg wrapped up in some paper.

The man called the people who sold him the grill, and the woman told him that her son had his leg amputated after an accident. He kept the leg for religious reasons. She did not state what his religion was.

The son will be coming back for his leg as soon as he can.

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I am wondering if the leg was all rotted and stanky. I have studied a number of different religions, but I don’t recall any that says you need to keep your body parts, even after they’ve been cut off. And then, why was it in a grill? Did he forget where he put it? Was he like, “Oh, shit, where’s my leg at?”

Man Breaks Speeding Record
Some guy who worked for a rental car company in U.K. took one of their cars, a porsche for a joy ride through the streets of London. He was speeding through the streets at 172 miles an hour, which breaks a record set by another guy who was going 156 miles an hour. Needless to say, the cops caught him and he was sentenced to 10 weeks in jail. His license was also revoked.

The day after he was caught, the man quit his job at the rental car company.

Rich Ass Dessert
You know how sometimes you order a dessert and it’s too rich for you. Well, here’s one that really too rich for you. In a fancy resort in Sri Lanka, you can order a dessert, a gold leaf Italian cassata flavored with Irish cream, served with a mango and pomegranate compote and a champagne sabayon enlighten.

Okay, I don’t even know what the fuck that means, but apparently it’s some good shit because it costs $14,500. Apparently, it comes with an 80 karat aquamarine gemstone and is in the shape of fisherman holding onto a pole.

A lot of people have called the resort to enquire about the confection, but so far nobody has ordered.

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Okay, no shit, nobody has ordered it. That bitch costs $14,500, who would spend that type of money on something you eat? Even if you had the money to squander away, why would you? Is an 80 karat aquamarine worth that type of money? This is as bad as the $6000 gold toilet. Spending all that kind of money on something you put your ass on.

See, this is why there are poor people in the world. People waste time and resources creating shit that even they couldn’t buy. $14,500 on a piece of cake.

Go to Jail, Go Directly to Jail; Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

Warren Jeffs, the weird polygamist has been convicted as an accomplice to rape. If you don’t have a clue what is going on, Warren Jeffs is the leader of the Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints, in other words, Mormons who are even more fucked up than regular Mormons. Just so you know, ‘regular’ Mormons have condemened the fucked up Mormons because ‘regular’ Mormons no longer practise polygamy.

Warren Jeffs started this ‘cult,’ and all the people live in a commune on the border of Utah and Arizona. All the women wear prairie dresses, keep their hair long and are taught to be subservient to men. The women are educated but not really. They don’t know anything about sex, the reproductive system, or even where babies come from, so when they are forced into marriage, they don’t have a clue what is going on.

Allegedly, he forced a 14 year old girl to marry her 19 year old cousin. She didn’t want to marry him, or have sex with him, because she didn’t know what was going on and, uh, he’s her cousin, so that’s super gross.

She said it was rape because she asked him to stop, and then she tried to kill herself afterwards but was afraid she wouldn’t go to heaven. He said she’s the one who jumped on him when he was tired after a long day of work. So, my question is if these girls don’t know what sex is, why would she get the urge to “do something” to him, if she don’t know what she’s doing? Nice try, buddy.

Anyway, Warren Jeffs, polygamist cult leader is going to jail. For some reason the 19 year old husband hasn’t been arrested for any charges. Since he is the one who actually raped the girl, I wonder why that is?

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See, this is why men should not be allowed to run shit, because when they get power they get completely out of control. I am not a man-hater, but men have been trying for centuries to establish this claim that they are somehow superior. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a bunch of stupid ass women out there, but the amount of stupid men exceeds the amount of stupid women.

Warren Jeffs is probably a man who is intimidated by intelligent, independent women. In order to feel superior, he created this cult and tried to act dominant over a bunch of little girls. A lot of the girls in the cult are not grown women and have been completely sheltered all their lives, so they don’t know any better.

Although I think Mormonism is bizarre, I don’t knock their religion. If that’s what they want to do, then that’s their business. I’ve known a few Mormon girls who aren’t weirdos and actually lead very productive, normal lives without being forced to marry their 15 year old cousins and have 24 children.

If you, or someone you know, is in a situation they don’t want to be in, get help. Tell a friend, your mother, father, a cousin, a random person on the street, call 911 or a help center. You can tell me, and I’ll handle it. Anything, just don’t stay in some shit you don’t want to be in, especially if it involves some piece of shit man trying to take over your life. He is not worth it and he will never change, and you deserve better than that.

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