Daily News October 1

Paris Hilton to Visit Rwanda

In an attempt to use her celebrity for the greater good, socialite/actress/jailbird Paris Hilton is headed to Rwanda. She claims that because of the need and pressing children’s issues, her going there will bring attention to the situation and spur other people to help as well.

She also claims that she is considering adopting impoverished African children. She will undertake these missions of good will right after she finishes her next box office trash Repo: A Genetic Opera Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds. Apparently the movie is set in a plague-filled future where people buy their organs on the black market. If you forget a payment, they repo your organs. All of this will be staged to opera music, but like, rock ‘n’ roll opera music.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

But who cares about her movie that is sure to be as shitty as House of Wax. Let’s talk about her visit to Rwanda. What good does she think she’ll be doing these people? Somehow I don’t think she’ll be useful. Okay, we have all seen her on The Simple Life, and you can’t tell me that it’s all an act. She really is a ding-y ass idiot. But hey, if Paris wants to go over there and embarass herself and use those poor people in some cheap attempt to boost up her claim of being a “good person,” then I guess she’ll cry her eyes out all the way to hell, like she did when her ass went to jail for 12 and a half minutes.

And then this hoe wants to adopt children? There should be some type of law against that. Just because she is filthy stinking rich and can provide a materially-outfitted home to poor children doesn’t mean that she will be able to fulfill their needs emotionally. Those kids need a good meal, toys and clothes, but they also need someone to love them and take care of them. I don’t see how Paris can even come close when she can barely take care of herself. How does she expect to take care of children, especially special needs children?

It just boggles the mind.

Woman Arrested at Airport, Then Dies
The woman may have accidentally choked herself while in a holding cell. She was arrested at Sky Harbour International after she became irate and disorderly when gate crews refused to allow her to board a plane. Apparently, the plane was about to take off and there was no way she was going to be able to get on. They had rebooked her but she started screaming and running up and down the corridor.

The police were called and they handcuffed her and brought her to a holding cell. She continued screaming the entire time she was in the cell, and when she got quiet, that’s when the police went to check on her. They found her unresponsive and she was eventually pronounced dead. Her handcuffed arms were found in an unusual position, and they think it’s possible she was trying to get out, but had got herself tangled up and choked herself.

There is an investigation on this, and police are saying that neither a taser nor pepper spray was used on the victim.

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I just thought this was an extremely bizarre story that she was in their screaming her head off and then tried to somehow get out of the handcuffs but wound up choking herself. If her hands were behind her back, did she try to lift her hands up over her head? Why didn’t she just squat down and stick her feet into the hole created by her arms?

I’m just confused about how she managed to choke herself. The only thing I can think of is that she did it on purpose or someone did something to her. This calls for further investigation.

Man Compares Two Wives, Gets Penis Chopped Off
Men are not smart. If you are a man and want to survive very long in this world, you need a little common sense.

So, this man in Malaysia, where multiple wives are permitted, is laying in bed with his first wife, and talking about his new wife, a younger, sexier woman and how she’s better in bed than the first wife.

The first wife was like, “Oh, really, bitch? I got something for that ass.” She gets up and goes to the kitchen to get a knife, comes back and hacks his wee-wee off. “Gotcha, bitch.” The husband is now in excruciating pain but he manages to put on some clothes, get on his motorcycle and ride to the hospital where he received 11 stitches to reattached his penis.

The woman has been arrested on charges of voluntarily causing grievous injury with a deadly weapon, which carries a sentence of up to 3 years.

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I think the woman was well within her rights. She was defending herself, if you want to say. Even if the man is allowed to have more than one wife, he is risking his own life by comparing the two to each other. You don’t be laying in bed with one woman and talking about the other woman. That’s just… not intelligent. It’s bad enough that the women have to share the man, now they have to listen to him go on and on about each other. No woman wants to hear that.

So I guess the first wife was like, since her shit is so good, see if you can do anything without your penis. Hahaha.

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