Bitch Fest #2: 15 Items Or Less Means 15 Items Or LESS!

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programme for a Bitch Fest.

So, my usual routine is to get up for work around 545.  Get to work, work out, then go to work, then leave work.  Come home around 330 on TTH and 430 on MWF. 

I always take a nap for an hour when I get home because I like to stay up late but I have to get up so early.  Today I decided to stop at Safeway to get some things and that got everything out of whack.  I got home later than usual, had to eat because I was starving.  I couldn’t really take a good nap because I had to get up for TKD class. 

So already, because I missed my nap I was bitchy.  I had to pay the fee today but I only had 100’s so I went to Giant to buy some broccoli that I forgot and get some change.

This is why I do not shop Giant… Excuse me, Giantsssssssssssssssss.

Why do people add the ‘S’ to the end?  At any rate, there’s like 2342034 people in the store.  The way it was so crowded I would have though there was like some sale going on, buy one get 10 free or some shit.  I get the broccoli and I go to the lines.  Of course, mad lines.  GiantSSSSSSS has those self-scanner cashier lines so I get in one.

This is what pisses me off about those self-scanners.  Why do mother fuckers with 2349872343 items have to get in those lines and don’t know what the fuck they are doing?  The guy in front of me is taking mad long to scan a fucking carton of milk.  The machine was like “Place your 1% milk on the belt,” he was leaning on it so the scanner thought he had some other shit so it was like telling him to take the milk and he was just staring at it. 

So while this is going on some African guy (SIGHS!) just jumps in front of me, and I’m like, “Hello?  Do you not see me standing here?”  I gave him this dirty look and he was like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.”  Okay, I’m not the skinniest person in the world so I don’t see how you could miss me.  So I went to stand in front of him again, but he wouldn’t move back so he was like breathing on my neck. 

Meanwhile the other guy is still trying to figure the shit out.  He eventually scans everything and then realises that he doesn’t have enough to buy everything he wanted.  Okay, mother fucker, you knew when you came in the store that you only had $20, so why you picked up some expensive ass box of donuts and that big ass carton of milk, knowing that milk prices is getting higher?  We had to wait for the salesclerk to come and void the shit and then the fucking machine locked up.

Naturally, I had to start bitching.  Why would you get in the self-line if you know you only have $20?  Why didn’t you like do some quick mental calculations about how much you were spending before you got in the fucking line?  So now, I had to go find another line and all them shits were mad long. 

I go to another line behind a lady with a very small newborn and her toddler son.  She has a basket full of shit and the sign clearly says 15 Items or Less, but obviously that doesn’t apply to her.  She had so much shit that the belt got full and wouldn’t scan anymore until she started bagging some of it.  So while she was bagging her son took it upon himself to pick up a box of cereal and start waving it over the scanner and scanned the cereal like 200 times.  Her bill was like $500 but she had to call the cashier over to get her to take it off.

So now, of course, this line is blocked up because there is only one cashier who works all those self scanner.  I leave this line.

So I go to another line and this one doesn’t take cash, which is what I need, so I go to another line behind Grandma and she was actually READING everything on the screen.  The thing was telling her to swipe her bonus card and she was flipping through all these bonus cards she had in her hand.  Shit like this used to piss me off when I was working at the airport.

You stand in fucking line for 2 hours waiting to get through the mag, but yet you still have all your goddamn change in your pocket and your shoes are still on?  Grandma stood in line for 10 minutes, why the fuck isn’t her bonus card out ready to swipe?  She finally swipes the shit but all her food is still on the belt and it won’t let you scan a new customer until the other one is done bagging.  She is taking mad long to bag three apples.

So then African Man shows up again and he’s like, “Are you in this line?”  I am beginning to think that someone painted Invisible Ink me or something.  So I was like, “Well, I wasn’t standing here for my health.”  He made some comment about me being rude, but it was a dumb ass question.  I am standing there with groceries and money in my hand, sooo…. I don’t know, I thought maybe it was cool to jump around in grocery store lines and not buy anything.  What the fuck?

Finally, after like 25 minutes I pay for my shit and leave, but not before Grandma is standing in front of the exit looking through her purse wondering if she remembered to get her bonus card from the machine.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Okay, I’m done bitching now.  We now return to your regularly scheduled programme.

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