Humble Pie

All right, so I did something today that I should have done a long time ago.  I don’t know why it took me so long to realise it was the right thing to do.  Actually, it didn’t take me that long.  Really, I had been thinking about it, but I was too lazy to get off my ass, and plus, who wants to voluntarily humiliate themselves?

But you know, people got to start facing up to the dirt they dish in life.  You don’t want that shit to come back to you, that’s for damn sure.  It will.  I have always believed in karma.  What you put out, you get back 3 times, whether it’s good or bad.  So if you are the type of shitty person always on the make, putting people down, one day you’ll get your comeuppance.

I think that’s what I’m afraid will happen to me.  I told someone before that every time something bad happens to me, the very first thing I think of is some shit I did to someone else.  That is karma. 

So I did something that was low class of me, unbefitting of my status as a princess, and it was just time to apologise for it.  Really apologise.  Not no fake ass shit, because I honestly meant it.  But you know what about apologies?  The other party doesn’t have to accept it.  That’s the humbling part of it.

Just because you think you are doing well apologising to someone because you were in the wrong, it don’t mean they have to accept that you are saying.  That’s what makes it hard.  Because now I will be looking for forgiveness and I might not get it.

But that’s okay.  I know within myself that I did a bad thing and it was time for me to own up to it.  I made my peace with myself and with God and hopefully this person.  If not, that’s just how shit falls some times.  It’s just time to move on, and I feel like I couldn’t without coming to terms with my part in the whole situation. 

My apology is in no way an acceptance of what has been done to me.  I still feel very wronged, but that doesn’t excuse my behaviour.  I think a lot of people get caught up in the “well, she did it to me, so I should do it back.”  Don’t you know that just exacerbates the situation? It just wasn’t right. I think you make things worse when you play into mind games.  Look at what it did to me.

I’m sorry.  I really am.  I know it sounds meangingless, but it’s the serious truth.  I’m sorry.

No, really.  I am.

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