Bah Humbug!

So, yesterday was the unit’s holiday party, or whatever.  It was this mandatory fun event that we were all forced to attend.  As you can tell by this first sentence, I was not in the slightest bit interested, but if I wanted to get paid, I had to show up.

My first issue is that, no one wants to do something they don’t want to do.  I’m what they call an ASS:  anti-social socialite.  Yeah, I like to be places, but I don’t like to be places with people.  I go to clubs by myself, show up at parties by myself.  Mainly, I am not embarassed to be seen alone and I don’t feel like a loser for being by myself.  I don’t have any problems with my self-esteem.  This party was everything I’m against.  Bring the family out for some holiday cheer or whatever.  Free alcohol, gift exchange and some other shit.

Nothing says loser more than showing up at a family event with no one.  I don’t have any family in Maryland and my parents are not flying out from Arizona to go to some lame ass party at the American legion.  I don’t need anyone to be like, “Where’s your husband?” to highlight the fact I am not married.  I don’t need anyone to remind me that sometimes during the holidays I feel lonely because my family lives out of state.  Going out to clubs by yourself is one thing, but standing around at a forced family event is quite another.

 I get to the party, and we had to do a bunch of military ceremonial stuff first.  That wasn’t bad.  After that, it was time to eat.  The food was not to my liking.  Turkey, ham, canned yams, dressing, mashed potatos.  I don’t like ANY of that.  I had three hard ass dinner rolls, a piece of chocolate cake and some soft strawberry cheesecake.  There was free alcohol, and if I was a drunk I might have been happy about it.  Since I don’t drink at all, they might as well have been serving up toilet juice; I wasn’t interested.

I really kind of just sat there, talking to a few of my fellow soldiers who didn’t bring their families either.  All of the young people did not want to be there.  The older people, the ones with kids, they enjoyed it.  Family almost always means kids, and you all know I don’t fuck with children like that.  Especially large groups of small children. Kids and adults just don’t mix, in my opinon.  In certain situations.  While we were saying prayer kids were screaming, banging on shit.  “H” was about to lose her mind.  She is officially the craziest person in the unit.  She don’t be playing about bad ass kids.  She had to hook a few up because they wouldn’t calm their asses down.

Parents, just a word of advice, now I know I don’t have kids or anything, but I do know that a 3 year old should not be drinking an entire can of sugary ass soda 2 hours before bed time.  One person said, “There isn’t any juice.”  Okay, give that little brat some water and tell him have a seat.  There was plenty of ice cold water to be had.  I watched one kid (he had to be like 4) drink 2 whole sodas.  Do you have any idea how much sugar that is, and that she was wondering why her kid wouldn’t sit still. 

Then she had the nerve to want to go out for a smoke and ask me to watch her kids.  Do I look like a baby-sitter?  I won’t let any harm come to them, like say a kidnapper came to snatch them.  I wouldn’t let that happen, but I’m not going to be running after some brats, trying to get them to eat their dinner.  Sorry, when you are a mommy, it’s a full time job.  Either take your kids to smoke with you, or your smoke break is just going to have to wait.  So when she asked me, I just gave her a look like, no, boo, I don’t think so.  She looked at me like, “What’s the problem?”

I am on birth control for a reason.  I don’t want any kids.  She was like, “Why not?”  Okay, when I leave this whack ass party, I’m going to the club.  What are you doing after the party?  Taking these bad ass kids home, washing all that sticky soda and cake off them, then trying to get them in bed after they’ve consumed 500 grams of sugar.  I hope you have an enjoyable evening.

Someone said it was mandatory that we stay at the party until 9 o’clock.  That almost gave me an anxiety attack, but I did wind up sneaking out around 8ish.  The next day everyone proclaimed they had an excellent.  When asked for my opinion, I was just like whatever.  The only good thing that came of it was that I didn’t have to be a drill until 1100 instead of 730, so I got to stay at the club extra extra late last night.

Other than that, I do not like it when I am ordered to be festive

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