Ain’t No Niggas ‘Round Here

All right, so Christmas is like my favourite time of the year, and I really enjoy shopping for people.  Anybody that wants on my list, I pretty much get something for them, as long as it is in my budget.  I try to save my money so I can get people nice gifts, because I just like to shop.  This year, I saved up a nice amount of money, and that is good.  Yes.  But I still don’t have like oodles of money, so I am doing my best to shop around, look for the lowest prices and where ever I can get a deal.  I am trying to get the most for my money.

So, I have been stalking Craig’s List.  You can get anything on that shit.  It’s better than Ebay because you don’t have to bid on something and worry about not getting or the price getting out of control.  My sister wants an iPod and I was on Ebay trying to get one.  You see one for one cent, and then an hour later that bitch is $200.  No, Craig’s List is not like that you.  The minute you see something you like you email the person and work out the details from there. 

You have to strike while the iron is out or someone might get to it before you.  So anyway, I found an ipod for $50 and I emailed the person and she was like it’s in excellent condition, no scratches, blah blah.  I was like, yeah, I’m going to get this.  she gave me her address and I went out there this morning.

First of all, she lived in this nice ass neighbourhood.  All the houses were like mansions with beautiful oaks and pine trees, sculptured lawns and shit.  I was thinking why an obviously wealthy person would even bother trying to sell something on Craig’s List, but whatever.  So I find the house and there are these two old white people standing on the sidewalk and I thought they came from the house next door.  When I went to the door, the old lady was staring at me like, “Who the fuck is this little coloured girl on my doorstep?”  She came up to me, “Can I help you?”  She did not sound like the person I spoke to on the phone, so I was like, “Maybe I’m at the wrong house.”

I know she was like, “Yeah, you little black person, you’re in the wrong neighbourhood.”  But she said, “Well, what address?”  I told her the address but the look on her face was like, “Nobody in this house talks to black people, so what are you doing here?  Are you trying to rob us?”

Okay, so I am the least black person I know.  I have been told that even though I have brown skin, I have white people features.  Whatever that means.  So I said, “Well, I might have written the address down wrong.  I’ll call the person and make sure I’m at the right house.  I bought an ipod off Craig’s List and that’s what I’m here for.”  She really looked like she didn’t believe me.  So her husband was standing near the car, and his hand kept going to his jacket like you know, cops do in movies when they are going for their gun.

I was like, okay, is this man about to shoot me?  It’s not that serious.  I can find another ipod.  So when I was like, fuck this, and about to walk away this white girl comes out side.  Her mom was like, “Are you selling your ipod?”  The girl said yes, and then the mom just went off on her.  Okay, so the girl is really an adult, like a young woman and the mom is elderly.  The dad was just standing there staring at me.  I’m like.. yeah, thanks, but uh, I’m gonna need everyone to calm the fuck down.

The girl did sell her ipod and both her parents were staring at me like I sent her a bomb threat saying she better sell her ipod or else.  Okay.  Yeah.  It’s not that serioius.


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