Writing is therepeutic. That is why I do it. When I ramble on and on about shit that nobody cares about, I get out all those pent-up emotions that would otherwise poison my body. I used to be a very bitter person, always holding everything in and never saying what was on my mind. I would lie, even to myself, if I was hurt, angry or sad. I figured nobody cared.
The truth of the matter is that nobody gives a shit about how I am feeling, but keeping it inside is detrimental to your health. Look at all these psychoes who shoot up schools, their husbands and wives, their kids, do crazy shit because something has been eating at them for ages and ages and finally that poison just ate them from inside out until they are a pit of festering hatred. I can’t let that happen to me.
When I write, I am able to make sense of thoughts that jumble around in my head. Have you ever just thought yourself to death? You just over-analyse every situation until you go crazy? I am like that. I drive myself crazy just thinking. So I write it all down so the shit can make sense. I can then go back, read what I wrote and understand why I am feeling what I am feeling. It may baffle you why I do this, because you see it as fodder for the trap but to me, it’s an expression of emotions. The good, the bad and the ugly. It feels good. It’s a release for me.
I have been keeping a journal for years now, writing down every little thing that happens to me. Most everything is very public because I’m not consumed by what everyone thinks of me. You’re going to talk shit no matter what. Might as well give you something interest to feed upon. But some things I keep hidden. Notice I never talk about my family. That is the separation between what is important and what isn’t. If it’s in this blog, that means I don’t give a damn.
I just like to document everything because I can come back months later and read how I was stressed out about something that doesn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things. It releases the heaviness in some things where there doesn’t need to be added pressure. Life is just too short to always be stressed.
I think you have trouble with that because you are closeted and overly concerned about the masses. Why? These people are not your friends. They don’t care about you. These people would eat their own soul souls, so why are worried about what they find in yours? It’s a sad thing, really. Your whole life is centred around what someone is saying. You wasted precious minutes out of your life to stress about people you barely know. Do you know what you could have been doing in the ten minutes you wasted? You could have been visiting with your mama. You could have called your sister up to see how she was doing. You could have been jacking off. Things that really matter. I hope you felt those ten minutes were ten minutes well-spent.
You cannot see the difference between the real and the perceived because you yourself do not have any real depth. All you are is the make-up of the opinion of everyone else. You hide behind the useless statement of “I don’t like everyone in my business” because without that protective little barrier, you are nothing. So when someone chips away at the exterior, you get scared because people will realise there is nothing underneath.
Nobody likes to be talked about, the but the real truth of the matter is, unless you go around gluing everyone’s mouth shut, you WILL NEVER ESCAPE THIS. It is a fact of life. Get up and look in the mirror and say, “I have never talked about anybody else. I have never listened to gossip about other people.” If you managed to say that with a straight face, kill yourself immediately. So when you stop engaging in gossip about other people, only then can you be concerned what people have to say about you.
You are un-emotive and unimaginative. You are pressed about the wrong things and the wrong people in life. If you can’t be adult enough to roll it off your shoulders, you deserve to be hassled with every little comment that comes your way. And stop with the fucking whining about “my business…” Because if you were so concerned about your private life, you would throw your cell phone away and go live in a hole.
Sorry, boo, but you are not Britney Spears. Nobody gives a damn.
After I babble away in my blog, I go lay on my couch and turn on Law & Order. When I close my eyes at night, you can be sure that I am not thinking about ANYBODY that doesn’t live at [insert address here].
What is on your mind when you go to sleep?