America’s Top Enemies

In February, Gallup conducted a poll asking Americans who they thought was this country’s biggest enemies were.  The results are as follows:

Twenty-five per cent of Americans stated that Iran is America’s biggest enemy.
Which is only natural because Iran is hell-bent on enriching uranium.  They claim it’s for energy purposes so they don’t have to be oil dependent (hmm….).  Iran is the fourth-largest producer and exporter of oil in the world.  They don’t have very many refineries in their country so they actually have to import gasoline from some place else.  Last year, the National Intelligence Estimate claimed that Iran has stopped its nuclear programme.  This is true.

But they haven’t stopped enriching uranium, which is the key ingredient for making a nuclear bomb.

Twenty-two per cent of Americans claim that Iraq is our greatest enemy.
Since we are fighting a war over there, I’m sure this could be a natural assumption.  All the suicide bombings had died down for a little while, but the shit has hit the fan again.  Now they are talking about maybe it might not be a good idea to withdraw the troops just yet.  Ya think!

Fourteen per cent of Americans feel that China is our number one enemy.
China is a sneaky ass bitch.  They claim to be our friends, but they have been having secret meetings with Russia and Iran.  China is soon to be our economic rival.  If we ever went to war with China, it would be conventional, not like we are fighting in Iraq.  But China has a billion-jillion people.  They could send people to fight and die from now until eternity.  After every single American had been killed, there would still be Chinese people.

Nine per cent of Americans say that North Korea is our biggest enemy.
North Korea was once labelled part of the axis of evil by President Bush.  They also are trying to create nuclear weapons, but right now they are so poor and destitute, they really don’t have the money.  They’ve been trying to make friends with us, but they said if South Korea comes around, they are going to fuck them up.  We have interests in South Korea, so I don’t know.

Three per cent of Americans say that the United States is its own worst enemy.
I agree.  We are trying to beat up everybody we can.  Like us or die!  George Bush even said, “You are either with us or against us.”  Yeah… no wonder everyone is screaming “Death to America.”

Three per cent of Americans also said Afghanistan.
But Afghanistan kind of sucks because the Taliban only have power in Afghanistan.

Two per cent of Americans feel that Pakistan or Russia is our greatest enemy.
Pakistan sucks too.  Their president Musharraf whatever his last name is… is an idiot.  I feel one day someone is going to assassinate him.  Russia is dumb too.  They’re poor.  They’re weapons are outdated.  We could fuck Russia up.  The Russian government might hate us, but I think the Russian people don’t really feel like getting into a fight right now.  They just trying to eat.

I just felt like this was an interesting thing to put out there.  I read it yesterday at work.  I found it humourous that Americans felt we were our own worst enemy.  We can’t go around trying to beat everybody up.  One day all of our enemies might gang up on us.  We could get militant extremists from Iraq, a nuclear bomb from Iran and a million-jillion Chinese people running through this country.  That would be pretty fucked up.

I’m moving to Canada.


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