Misadventures of the Village Idiot #10

My weekend was half way shitty.  This was drill weekend and it’s pretty much a waste of 16 hours.  The only good thing is that I do get paid and I get to see some friends that I only see during this time.

Friday night
Friday, I went to my part-time job.  Drill weekend messes up my part-time flow and cuts my spending money.  My drill check is not that exciting, and I only get it once a month.  But my part-time money is for playing around and taking care of any last minute things that come up.  Drill and part-time don’t usually  mix because I got to get up so early for drill and I’m usually tired when I get home.

Anyway, earlier in the week I emailed my sergeant and told him that I was going to come to drill at 12 on Saturday instead of 7 am.  I told him that I had something to do, but this was a lie.  I couldn’t stomach the notion of getting up ass early 12 days in a row. (Five working days, the weekend and five more working days).  Plus, I missed step and yoga last weekend because of that gay ass ethics class and I really wanted to step on Saturday.

I could have went to Ascenion Friday night but I didn’t because they had a band and I hate bands.  Instead I went to my part-time job and racked up some hours.

Saturday, I got up around 930, had some good ass pancakes.  I got this new recipe and they came out so good!  Mmmm.  Then I went to step aerobics.  I am getting so physically strong.  Her class is no longer devastating.  I have to add some risers to the bench because I am no longer getting a workout.  I can keep up.  She also pumped the class up to one hour.  This is good.  My heart is getting conditioned.

I show up to drill at noon.  They were just about to have lunch.  The 3 hours I was at drill felt like 20.  It is so boring.  My sergeant is a dumb ass.  Anyway.

When I got home, I took a long nap and then went to my part-time job again to finish some more work.  After that, I went to Midnight.

I had to go because Liebchen was spinning.  It’s also very important to me to support the scene.  The DC metro area will never have to worry, but I have lived in places where there is either only a shitty goth club or no goth club at all.  I try to do my part.

I couldn’t stay late because I have to be to drill at 7am.  I stayed long enough for her to spin.  But, you know, I’m actually kind of upset because it sounded like there was going to be 3 good DJs.  When I first got there, this guy was spinning and what I heard of his set was good.  Then Liebchen was on.  I pretty much always like everything she plays.

I now confess my undying love for Liebchen.  Somehow deep in my heart she knew that I wanted to hear Nitzer Ebb.  The last time she was at Midnight, I requested it, but I left before I got a chance to hear it, if she played it.  I somehow feel that she made up for that one time.  There must have been some kind of mental transaction, you know like, radio waves or something.  She knows.  She knows.  I also think it is her boyfriend that I  find to be excruciatingly attractive.  So, Liebchen, if he is your man, and one day he doesn’t come home and he doesn’t call, never fear.  He’s safe.  He’s chained up beneath my bed.  I’ll return him to you when I’m done, and you’ll both be all the better for it.

Hahah.  I promise I am not a psycho.

And I was telling someone that.  I tell people I go out a lot and they almost always ask where I go.  It’s hard to explain sometimes that I almost exclusively only go to to goth clubs.  I do like hip hop occasionally, but I don’t like hip hop clubs.  I never have a good time unless I go in a huge group.  I don’t like the music, the crowds, the expensive cover, hard to find parking and the insatiable disgusting rudeness of guys who frequent hip hop clubs.  By the end of the night, I am ready to fuck up the next guy that grabs my ass or asks for my phone number or says, “Damn, shorty, look at that ass.”  Go.  Away.

In goth clubs, I just get weird ass conversations but I don’t feel harassed and I feel perfectly safe coming there alone.  I would never go to a hip hop club by myself.  The downside is that goth boys tend to be VERY ugly when compared to hip hop guys.  At hip hop clubs, I do enjoy the eye candy.  At goth clubs, usually there are very slim pickins.

At Ascension there are no hot guys.  Period.  At Midnight there are two:  Liebchen’s maybe-boyfriend and this cute little Irish hottie.  He looks like a young Irish mobster.  I’m like yeah, you can Irish car bomb me anytime!  And then I heard his name last night and it was so positively Irish.  In my fantasies, his last name is either Joyce, Shaughnessy, Ferguson or Riordan.

Yeah, no, I’m really not a psycho.  No, seriously.

Anyway, the third DJ came up and her set started out really good but I had to leave.  It was getting late and my foot started to itch real bad.  I wore my old shitty ass ballet shoes that should have been thrown away 7 years ago, because I couldn’t wear my usual boots.  The tattoo is healing, and I was getting afraid that someone was going to step on it and peel the scab early.

I’m sorry I don’t have any fashion commentary for you.  I didn’t stay long enough to find something to make fun of.  My friend Ceciley thinks I’m mean anyway, and she’ll be glad I didn’t get on here and trash someone.  She thinks I should work for TMZ and Perez Hilton.

I left the club around 1250 and got home at like 115.  I get in bed about 20 minutes later and I watch the rest of my pre-recorded Family Guy and shut my eyes when it’s over.

So this is where life gets interesting.

At some point I got up to go to the bathroom and when I looked at the clock, it said 305.  I couldn’t believe that I had been asleep for more than an hour already.  I peed, went back to bed.

I have the very uncanny ability of being able to wake up precisely when I want to.  When I get in bed, I tell myself how long I have to sleep.  Like if I have to get up at 5 in the morning.  I get in bed and say, “You have 6 hours to sleep.”  And I will sleep just a little less than 6 hours.  I do not use alarm clocks or anything like that.  I don’t need sunlight or any type of indicator for time.  It’s very weird and I’ve been able to do this since I was a little kid.

As long as I’m not ass-exhausted, I would say I have an 85 per cent success rate of waking up precisely when I mean to.

So when I got back from peeing, I looked at the clock and it was like 305.  I told myself, “You have 3 and a half hours to sleep.”  I planned on getting up at 620ish.  I roll over and go to sleep.  Lo and behold, I wake up the next morning at 615.  I laid there for a second, got up, got dressed, made some breakfast and fucked around on myspace.  I messed around and stayed on myspace for too long and then I had to rush to get to formation on time.  I left my cell phone.

I am in the car, hustling down the street.  It was really dark.  The sun wasn’t up yet, but it was raining so I figure like the clouds or something had blocked out the sun.  I happened to get stopped at this long ass redlight and I was pissed because that light was going to make me late.  I looked at the clock in my car and do you know what the fuck time it was?


Yeah, hello, formation is at 7.  So I’m like, “How is it 6 am?”  When I left the house the clock read 651.  I am so confused.  I didn’t have my phone to verify.  I get to the armory where we have drill and the fucking gates are locked.  Yes, it is 6 am.  No sun.  Gate not open.  6 am.  What the fuck happened?

Yeah, how about my clock at home is an atomic clock. I bought it like 8 years ago.  So today would have been daylight savings day if the fucking shitty ass government hadn’t decided to change the day we spring forward and fall back.  My clock was like fuck it, time to spring forward!  So I woke up an  hour early for no fucking reason.  And my body knew it too.  I just felt like I hadn’t had enough sleep.  I am comfortable with 4 hours sleep every now and again.  But my body felt tired a little bit and when I woke up, I had an uncontrollable urge to go back to sleep, like my body was like, you didn’t sleep the hours you said we were going to sleep.

I was so PISSED!  There’s no sense in going back home, so I pulled over at the school.  I felt like some nasty ass pedophile lurking around an elementary school, even though at 6am on a Sunday morning there are no kids at school.  I was really fucking pissed about that, and the whole day I was bitter about an hour’s sleep lost.

It made me think of something that happened to me at basic training.  At basic, lights out is at 9pm no matter what and wake up is at 5 or earlier depending on what you have to do.  The drill sergeants fuck with you.  If it is 854, they will make you stand there for the last six minutes for 9pm.

One night, I was so tired that I could have easily killed someone just so I could sleep.  I would have slept the rest of my life in prison and I didn’t even care.  When they finally let us get in bed, I think I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. I  was so fucking exhausted.

Only the drill sergeants are allowed to turn the lights on once they have been turned out, and they can only come on at wake up.  They can’t come in all night and flip the lights on and off.

So when the lights turned on five minutes later after me getting in bed, I thought someone was bullshitting.

But seriously, the drill sergeants were in the room like time to wake up.  I was like, what the fuck!  What are they doing?  Everybody started getting out of bed and getting dressed for PT and I was sitting there like… oh my god, why aren’t we allowed to go to sleep?  Sometimes, they do wake up in the middle of night and make you go down stairs for no reason and then let you go back to bed.  It only lasts like five minutes, but I was so tired I think I was ready to commit suicide just so I could sleep.

So it dawned on me, that it wasn’t five minutes later.  It was 5 am.  Time to get up.  When that reality sank in, I think that is the day I went crazy in basic training.  I had been trying to hold on to my sanity but that day, I snapped.  I got out of bed and got in my locker and sobbed hysterically for like 5 minutes.

This is the cold hard fact of life:  In basic training, once you wake up, you cannot go back to sleep for at LEAST 16 more hours.

SIXTEEN LONG ASS HOURS.  Where you do not get to just sit down for a minute.  No napping.  No relaxtion.  Sixteen fucking hours of manual labour and physical activity.

I was in my locker crying like a bitch because there was no way in hell I had just slept 8 hours.  My body felt like I had been awake for days.  My partner asked me if I was okay and I was in the locker crying and crying and crying.  If you would have seen me, you would have thought that my house just burned down with all my family members in it.

I just cried and cried and cried.  I couldn’t take it.  I was like, “I am so FUCKING TIRED!”  And then I started screaming.  The drill sergeant was like, “Who is that making all that noise?”  I was inside my locker so he couldn’t see me and I was just screaming like a lunatic.

Nothing I can do.  Get dressed and go to PT.  That was the day I went crazy.  I was never the same after that.

I hate feeling like my sleep has been fucked with.  I don’t like to be interrupted, hence the reason I do not use alarm clocks.  I am a light, restless sleeper.  I toss and turn a lot.  And my sleep conditions must be perfect.  I like to gently arise.  I am almost never late because of sleep.  I’m late because I bullshit after I wake up.

I felt like that episode of Star Trek when some of the crewmembers were kidnapped by aliens in the middle of the night.  Some of them started going crazy because they were literally going days without sleep.

Anyway, I rambled on too long just to tell you about how I hate daylight savings.  It’s so stupid and it cost me an hour of sleep.

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