Daily News April 12

How To Raise Your Child
A young couple in Denver were arrested the other day after having an argument on how to raise their child.  They were arraigned on disturbing the peace and assault charges.

Before I get into exactly what the argument was about, I have to point out that a number of couples argue on how to raise their child, particularly couples who do not share the same background.  They could be a mixed couple, have different religions, one could have been poor, the other wealthy.  Sometimes it’s hard to come to middle ground.  Having said that…

This couple argued over what gang their four year old child should claim.  The mother, 19, is black and is a member of the Crips.  The father, 20, is hispanic and is a member of the Westside Ballers.  They were at odds on which gang the child should claim.

A four year old child.

I had to repeat that just in case you didn’t get it the first time.  The father said that the mother really loved their son and is concerned about him becoming a Westside Baller, but the father also said that it would be hard for him to accept his son as a Crip.

This is just wrong on so many levels.  First of all, how did this couple get together?  I am not an expert on gangs or anything.  I don’t even think I know anybody in a gang.  Except those guys who were in Okitown when I lived in Yuma, but that doesn’t even really count.  As far as I know, I thought that gangs generally didn’t like other gangs.  I could be wrong, being perfectly surbuban middle class and everything.  But like… The Westside Ballers don’t mind that this guy has a black Crip girlfriend?  What about the girl’s friends?  Black guys, especially gang members don’t usually like their girls dating outside the clan… gang… whatever.

I’m glad to see that this couple is concerned over the welfare of their child.  It’s healthy to debate the best way to raise a child, this way both parent’s wishes can come out and they can decide on the right path.  But I mean, they don’t think they are getting ahead of themselves?  The child is only four.  Much too early to be deciding which gang he wants to be in.  The child probably can’t read or write yet, and I’m sure he hasn’t progressed to gang signs.  They should wait a little more to see which way the child leans.  If the kid decides he likes blue, then they should probably let him claim the Crips, but if he exhibits whatever Westside Ballers exhibit, then they should let him go with that.  In the end, it’s probably best the child decides which gang he wants to be in when he grows up.

But what if the child doesn’t want to be either?  What if he wants to be a Blood?  Or a Latin King?  He’s half hispanic, so he could easily go that route.  I mean, there’s so many choices these days.  And kids don’t always do what their parents want.  It might make for  an uncomfortable family dinner if he decides to be MS13, a hispanic gang known for raping black women during intiations.

I hope you’re noting my intense sarcasm.

I mean, God forbid the child might actually grow up and want to do something with his life, like be a doctor instead of a Crip.  Or go into the clergy.  Or a teacher.  A lawyer.  A bus driver.  Or any other law-abiding profession.

This is like Romeo and Juliet:  If They Had Lived.  Juliet Capulet and Romeo Montague didn’t commit suicide, but had a kid instead.  Who would they invite to the baptismal?  Where would the kid spend his summers?  It’s just too mind-boggling.

I wonder what everyone was thinking in the courtroom when they were being arraigned.  Was the judge looking at them like, “What the fuck?”  Do these parents even realise the stupidity of their argument?  Probably not since they got arrested over it.

It is a sad, sad day in America when two parents get arrested after an argument on which gang their FOUR-YEAR OLD CHILD should claim.

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