Daily News May 22

The United States:  Land of Savages
Every year there is an annual study called the Global Peace Index that ranks 140 nations on how peaceful they are.  I don’t want you to be shocked or anything, but the United States was ranked as one of the least peaceful nations in the world.

The peacefulness of a nation is determined by several factors, including how the nation gets along with its neighbours, number of troops deployed to other countries, money spent on guns and military shit, national crime rate, the number of people in jail and the potential for terrorism within the country.

The United States placed 97 out of 140.  Just in case you were confused as how to how they arrived at that low number, let me enlighten you.  We have a huge number of troops deployed to other countries.  You may recall that we have 140,000 troops in Iraq and another 50,000 in Afghanistan, plus a shit load of troops in other places you’ve never even heard of.  We have a disproportionate number of people in jail.  In fact, percentage-wise, we have more people in jail than any other country in the entire world.  We also spend a shit-ton of money on weapons and military crap.  One of those fancy boats the Navy SEALS use costs $5 million.

According to this study, China, at 67/140, is more peaceful than the United States.  Even Syria, the harbinger of state-sponsored terrorism, and Rwanda, ethnic cleansing capital of the world, are considered more peaceful than the United States.

Russia came in at 131.  The Russian president, like our president, is trying to fight everyone in his region.  Russian citizens are extremely poor which leads them to commit violent crimes, and that’s the reason the Russian national crime rate is out of control.  If you think you are tough living in an inner city ghetto, move to Moscow for a few minutes and let me know how it all works out for you.

Iraq is number 140.  I mean, there is a war going on and everything, and half the citizens have fled the country.  Suicide bombings, home invasions and other events of family fun contribute to Iraq being the absolutely least peaceful nation in the world.

Other countries that suck include Kenya which was the biggest loser because of the violence after the presidential elections.  Somalia and Sudan are also in the bottom ten.  And, of course, let’s not forget Afghanistan because of the whole War on Terror, or whatever.

Most of the peaceful countries were in Europe.  If the European Union had been grouped together, it would have been number 4 in the whole list.  Iceland was number one.  They don’t have a lot of people in jail.  They don’t have a standing army, and they get along with their neighbours.  Basically, nobody is concerned with Iceland.

Indonesia, India and Uzbekistan (a small country near Afghanistan) are becoming more peaceful while France, Britain and Greece are becoming less peaceful.

Qu’ran Target
A U.S. soldier in Iraq came up with the brilliant idea to use a Qu’ran for target practise.  In case you didn’t know, the Qu’ran is the holy book of Islam and is always treated with reverance by Muslims.  To shoot at it, that’s like…well, I don’t think many  Christians would appreciate it if we started using Bibles on the shooting range.

Anyway, not only did this genius shoot the Qu’ran into shreds, he left it in full view for anyone to find.  Some Iraqi officers found it and immediately got all pissed off.  Something like that could start a war all over again.  When American officers found out what happened, they started apologising for the soldier’s idiocy.  (Oops, my bad!)  Even President Bush had to apologise for that he did.

The soldier has since been removed from Iraq.  More than likely, the Army feared for his life.  Muslims don’t be playing when it comes to the Qu’ran.  If they would have let him stay in Iraq, you can pretty much bet that some Al Qaeda people will kidnap his ass, and the soldier will be in a starring role in the next Al Qaeda training video.

It’s cool if you don’t appreciate someone else’s religion.  You don’t have to like it; you don’t even have to respect it.  But I guess this guy doesn’t enjoy life that much.  I hope he didn’t think he could walk the streets of Baghdad safely after that.  Notice how they didn’t release his name?

Besides being deported, there is no word on what other punishment he may have received.  I’m guessing he was demoted.  I mean, he did make the President have to apologise.  I’m pretty sure this guy is gonna be cleaning toilets for the rest of his military career.  Genius.

GI Joe:  American Dummy
Ever since 9/11, a lot of people who signed up for the military pretty much knew what they were getting into.  The chances are very high that you will go to war once your training is complete.  The chances of going to war multiple times are very high depending on the job you do for the military.

Some people joined the military because they wanted to serve their country.  Some people knew someone who died on 9/11.  Some people are more practical.  Nobody goes to war for fun.  It’s either personal, or it’s about money.  Once the war in Iraq started dragging on and on, the less people wanted to sign up, so military recruiters had to get sneaky.  They have to offer bonuses and incentives.  Some of the incentives you can get are money for college, huge enlistment bonuses up to $50,000, money to pay back student loans, and other crap, like a free t-shirt and one of those squishy thingies you can stick your pen in to make your hand more comfortable.

Sometimes people join the military because they are very young, didn’t do well in school and don’t have any skills, and the military is one of the only places where any retard off the street can go and learn how to do something useful.  With all the waivers nowadays, as long as you aren’t a general piece of shit, you can get into the military.  As long as you don’t totally suck, you are pretty much guaranteed a promotion every few years.  You can look forward to money in your retirement, or money for your widow and children if you don’t make it out off Iraq alive.

One of the more well-known incentives is the Montgomery GI Bill.  In its current state, in my opinion, it’s pretty much a piece of crap.  I’ll grant that it’s better than nothing, but it’s supposed to be money to pay for your college expenses:  room, board, tuition, books, whatever.  Depending on what school you go to, it’s not enough and the process is so shitty that sometimes it’s a nightmare just to get the money you earned.
You have to pay for your college up front, and get these monthly payments from the VA.  I guess if people could pay for college up front, they wouldn’t need it in the first place, but I suppose that escapes their notice.  Maybe they are hoping you get shipped off and die before they have to pay you back.

You have 10 years after leaving the service to use it for a 3 year period, never mind the fact that traditional colleges are 4 years, and most students graduate in 5 or 6.  They lure you in with a dollar amount of up to $XX,XXX, but you don’t really get to use all of that.  There are all these anal stipulations on what type of programme you can use it on.  Sometimes it’s more of a hindrance then a help.  At this time, I can no longer use my GI Bill because I haven’t declared a course of study.  Which is gay.

A new bill in Congress is set to change all that.  I don’t really have all the specifics of what it entails but I do know they want to revamp the GI Bill so that it pays ALL tuition at a public state school.  It will also provide a stipend for books and a money for housing for FOUR years.  There won’t be any hassle with monthly payments.  Tuition is just straight paid.  There are other perks to the new GI Bill, but all the good that some members of Congress want to do for the soldiers who served in the War on Bullshit…I mean, Terror, may never even see the light of day.

There are some military bigwigs that are scared that if soldiers are given real money for school they will run like hell for a university instead of smiling like idiots as they board a plane to their deaths.  Well, d’uh!  Lots of people stay in the military forever and ever because it’s easy and they have very little options once they get out.  Those big $50,000 bonuses are offered to doctors and nurses who come in with their credentials already, or the unsuspecting, uneducated children with low ASVAB scores who are forced to sign up to be artillery and infantry men.

Not much use for a bomber in the civilian world.  But you have a secure job in the military.  You can’t get fired.  You get promoted every now and again.  There are some perks, like $2.00 off your movie tickets and half off the membership to BJ’s.  I mean, who can beat that!  All you have to do is avoid getting killed or maimed in Iraq.  The education benefits pretty much suck, and while you are active duty and getting shipped off every five minutes, it’s very hard to stay in school.  You have no choice but to re-enlist every time your contract is up.  But if the prospect of being able to go to school and learn something that society actually is interested in and to have it all paid for without the stress, many soldiers will kiss Uncle Sam goodbye after their initial 4-6 year contract.

The army is terrified as hell of that prospect.  Who will they recruit?  These young kids just coming up aren’t dummies like the ones who got drafted into Vietnam.  Should have taken your ass to college like your parents told you!  Parents are educating their kids about the horrors of war, and if they have to, they are packing up Jody and sending him for study abroad in France.  Most people are not interested in dying, even if you do get $50,000 for signing up.  The army wants dummies who will feel trapped into staying.

And that’s just a sad fact of life.  This is like back in the dark ages when the corrupt leaders of the Roman Catholic Church didn’t want the peasants to learn how to read.  If the peasants could read then they would have realised that all the bishops and priests were lying to them and using the Bible for their personal gain.  It worked for a little while, but eventually you get hip to the game.

The military can try to keep their soldiers in the dark for awhile, but as more and more soldiers come home without arms and legs, the only thing they can rely upon is the brain.  When you are sitting in some raisin ranch where they change you twice a day you have all the time in the world to get a degree.  People get tired of dodging roadside bombs.  Families get tired of sending their loved ones off to war for 15 months every 5 minutes.  Those education benefits, no matter how shitty, come in handy then.  We’re always in search of a better way.


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