Daily News May 29

Deadbeat Daddy Wins and His Kid Will, Too
At least two states are proposing legislation that will force winners of casino money to pay their back child support.  Both Colorado and West Virginia agree that it isn’t fair that some loser parent should go and win a whole bunch of money in the casino while his/her kid suffers because they haven’t paid back child support.

Of course, operators of the casinos are like, “Oh, so now I’m a child support collector?”  Most think it’s a good idea, but they don’t want to do it because it might cost them money to implement the system that Colorado and West Virginia are putting together.

Two other states have the law but do not enforce it because they don’t know how:  New Mexico and Mississippi.  Once Colorado and West Virginia put together their system, New Mexico and Mississippi might take a page out of their book to see how it is done.

When you win over $600 in a casino it is automatically reported to the IRS.  Most states have a law if a person wins big at the lotto, unpaid child support is collected.

Deadbeat dads, deadbeat mommies, beware.  After years of skipping out on legitimate jobs to avoid having your wages garnished, we will now garnish your gambling money!  Soon, there will be no where to hide.  We will even implement a system to garnish your drug money.  Next time you go to buy an ounce, your drug dealer will take a cut for child support.

Psycho Naomi At It Again
The famous black model has lost her mind again.  She is charged with three counts of assaulting a constable, two counts of using threatening, abusive words or behaviour to the cabin crew and one count of disorderly conduct.

Apparently this all started while she was aboard a British Airways flight, because of her luggage, back in early April.  There was some incident where thousands of bags became separated from their owners after Heathrow’s Terminal 5 open.  She got all pissed off and started abusing the airline crew and officers.  She was removed from the plane and held at the station for 8 hours.  She could go to jail for 6 months and/or pay a fine of $10,000.

We already know the bitch is crazy.  In 2000, she beat her assistant while shooting a film in Toronto.  In 2007, she attacked her maid with a cell phone over a pair of jeans.

She probably needs to eat.  Supermodels are very thin because of diet and intense exercise.  It is not natural to starve the body in such a fashion.  If she ate a little bit, I bet her mood would improve and she wouldn’t go around beating people with cell phones.  Somebody give her a potato!

Amputation by Sunbathing
Two little girls, ages 13 and 14, were sunbathing.  That doesn’t sound bad.  Except that they were sunbathing on train tracks and they fell asleep.  Along comes a train.  The conductor saw them, but it was too late.  He was hauling 30 freight cars and it’s hard to stop that much weight at a moment’s notice.  He ran over the little girls.

Luckily, they did not die.  One lost her foot and the other lost her leg from the knee down.

Parents, I know it’s hard to raise your children.  You have to worry about so many things in this world.  But please, please, for the love of God, tell your kids it is NOT okay to hang around on train tracks, let alone lay down on them and fall asleep.  If they want to sunbathe, let them lay out in the front yard.

I hope they were wearing an appropriate amount of sunscreen.  It would be terrible if they wound up with skin cancer on top of losing a foot.

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