Mirror, Mirror On the Wall

Has anybody seen that new Suave commercial selling its shampoo to full-time mothers?  I was scouring around MSNBC just now and I came across a very healthy debate on the message Suave is trying put out.

I could really care less about the message, but the women on this blog-debate fell into two categories:  women who cared about their looks, and women who didn’t care because they were too busy.  Most of the women were mothers.

I’m not a mother.  I’m not married.  These are choices I have made in my life.  I abhor children and I slam the door in the face of men who are looking for long-term relationships.  I’m just not interested.  I do respect the choices of women who want to be in these situations.  More power to you.

But let’s just talk woman to woman.  Forget being a wife, a mother, and all those exhausting things.  I was reading on this blog that a lot of women feel like with the time spend being a mother and a wife, they don’t really have time to take care of themselves.  A lot of them have “let themselves go.”  Most of these women claim that looking their best is not important.

I totally disagree.

Let’s be realistic.  Our society is based upon looks.  When we pick up this month’s issue of Cosmo we see some stick-skinny woman in full war paint.  Our husbands and boyfriends look at this creature and then they look at us and then they cross their fingers behind their back and say, “I love you for who you are on the inside.”  Bullshit.

The truth is, if you don’t take care of yourself, nobody else will.  Your husband and boyfriend is only going to claim he loves you for who you are for so long.  Once you start looking like a sack of balls, his mind is going to start wondering what Miss February looks like in a thong.

Please remember the saying, “If you don’t, someone else will.”

I like to call myself a feminist because I believe in equal rights between the sexes, but it’s also important for me to say I have no desire to be a man, neither do I wish to be treated like one.  I only want men to admit that women are capable of doing the same things as men.  I still would like you to hold the door open for me, to buy me flowers on a special occasion, and to treat me as a lady.  I have no interest in yukking it up with the boys on a construction lot, but for the women who are interested in that, they should have every opportunity to do so.

I believe in looking like a girl.  God fashioned me as one, and I intend to utilise that to its fullest capacity.  I wear makeup.  I wear dresses.  If I could walk better, I’d probably wear heels everyday.  But wearing makeup and putting on a dress isn’t everything that entails taking care of yourself.  If you are a woman that doesn’t like makeup, that’s cool.  But wash your face, apply a little moisturizer and some chapstick, and comb your goddamn hair.  Put on clean clothes, in whatever fashion you like best.  Just try to look your best at all times in whatever style you enjoy.

Don’t come out the house in your pyjamas, your bunny slippers, or your hair still in its wrap, rollers or some woogie-ass ponytail.  Don’t fish around in the hamper for whatever shirt looks cleanest. I see women that look like this all the time, and it looks so trashy and disgusting, like they don’t even care what they look like.

I’m not saying you need to put on your prom dress to go to the 7-11 for a minute.  I knew this girl who had such low self-esteem that she had to put on a full face of makeup just to run up to Wal-Mart real quick to get some bread.  That is not what I’m talking about.

Taking pride in your appearance is different than trying to cover up whatever inadequacies you have in your life.  I don’t wear makeup everyday, and I pretty much suck at doing hair, but I’m always clean.  My clothes are always fresh, and I always look good whether I’m at Safeway getting a gallon of milk or I’m at the club.  I just enjoy looking and feeling my best no matter what situation I’m in.

One woman on the blog wrote that takes the time to put on a little makeup and nice clothes when she pals around as a soccer mom.  She said it makes her feel more confident when she is dressed to impress, and that she always feels on top of the world when she sees other soccer moms showing up to their kids’ games looking like they just rolled out of bed.

All the other moms started attacking her telling her that she apparently had low self esteem since she felt the need to put on make up to boost her confidence.  That is so lame.  Those that look worn out and ugly because they don’t take time for themselves attack the women who are confident and upbeat because they do.  A lot of women feel the need to devote every second of their lives to whatever obligations they have.  Being a devoted wife and mother doesn’t mean being a slave wife and mother.  You are entitled to have a few moments to yourself each day.  Put the kids down for a nap, tell daddy to get lost and go in your room and pamper yourself however you like.

I think if more women to time for themselves, instead of just handing over every second of their lives to whatever obligations they have, many women would no longer feel unappreciated.  At the very least a woman would know that she appreciates herself, even if no one else does.  Many women wouldn’t have such low self-esteem because they have boosted their own self-confidence.  They wouldn’t feel inadequate in the face of some Halle Berry type who has the time to sit under a dryer all day long for the perfect hair.  A woman would have her own brand of confidence in whatever style she likes best, whether she likes a face full of Maybelline or she’s natural as Mother Earth.

I think some women use the fact that they have kids and husbands and jobs as an excuse to let themselves go.  I know I am going to get attacked for saying this, especially as I have no children, but I have seen many examples of good looking women who take care of themselves and raise their kids and be with their husbands and work and all the other crap that comes along with it.

It’s really about training your household so that you can create time for yourself.  My mother had all of us and my dad to take care of, and she never looked like ass a day in her life.  She trained us from birth to help her with the household responsibilities, and eventually she even trained my dad to get with the programme.  This left more time for herself and her private moments, so she could take a nap in the afternoon or go get her nails done every now and again.  She did not go places in her robe.  She did not come pick us up at school with curlers in her head.  She is not a model, by no means, but I do not believe my dad ever once thought, “God, just look at her!!  What a mess.”

Yes, there are days when you’re like, “Fuck it.”  I have had those days.  Come to work looking like balls because you’re just too damn tired, but for the most part, every day is a diva day for me.  My mother is a straight realist.  The one day she starts looking like Mr. Potatohead, that might be the day my dad gets bored.  It’s a fact of life, and you can say, “But my husband loves me,” all you want.  Get real.

Men want a mommy, a wife, a butcher, a baker and a candlestick maker, and a Playboy Playmate all at once.  No man wants to be married to Mrs. Butterworth.  He wants Heidi Klum.

Get it together.  Because if you don’t, someone else will.

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