Daily News June 4

Who The Hell Are You and Why Are You in My Closet?
A Japanese man living in his house alone became curious when he started noticing food going missing.  He was quite sure no one had broken into his house, but nevertheless, food was disappearing out of his house.

To obtain evidence that he wasn’t losing his mind.  The cameras were set to relay instant video to his cell phone and one day he finally saw someone moving around his house.  He called the police, but the police got to his house and they found all the doors and windows properly locked.  When they searched the inside of the house, they couldn’t find anything.

One police officer opened up a small closet and found a 58 year old homeless woman in the closet.

The woman had been living in the closet for more than a year.

The police and the man are completely baffled how the woman had possibly managed to live there undeteced for an entire year.  She came and went out of the house regularly.  She even bought a very small mattress to sleep on, and she took showers.  She told the police she got into the house one day when the man stepped outside, leaving the door unlocked behind him.

This has got to be one of the strangest things I have ever read.  How creeped out would you be to find that someone had been living in your goddamn closet for a whole year and you didn’t even know it.  Every time you open your fridge, food is missing and you think you are losing your mind but really someone is in your house.  This bitch is in there taking showers.  She even brought a mattress up in there!

The woman was arrested on trespassing charges, but I think the man should continue to let her live there.  Apart from her eating up his food, she wasn’t doing anything.  She could have cleaned him out, but didn’t.  She could have killed him, but didn’t.  She just needed a place to sleep.

Osama bin Laden Killed
Osama bin Laden has finally been killed.  This rampaging lunatic is responsible for at least 11 deaths and dozens of injuries as he stormed across two states in India.  It took at least 20 bullets to bring him down.

I’m sure by now, you’re like… what the fuck?

Osama bin Laden the elephant.

Not Osama bin Laden the proselytising terrorist.  

Villagers in India nicknamed the rampaging elephant Osama bin Laden because of his apparent likeness to the real Osama bin Laden.

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