Daily News June 8

Hanging Pot
Officials at the airport in Charlottesville, NC became suspicious when a passenger came through with a large amount of hangers.  Upon closer inspection, it was discovered that 11 pounds of pot were stashed inside the hangers. 

The pot had a street value of $144,000.

Three people travelling in the group and all three had too many hangers.  They were all searched and found to have pot.  All three are currently being detained on drug charges.

Okay, so, I do congratulate TSA for finding the drugs, but seriously… who is getting suspicious on too many hangers?

“I’m sorry, ma’am, you have exceeded the quota of hangers allowed per flight.  You can either check this luggage, surrender the hangers here or go back and mail them to yourself.”

What a laugh.  Maybe it was something about the hangers that was suspicious, like the way it looked or something.  I can’t say that I ever counted how many hangers a person had.  I’m too busy looking for scissors, tools, knives, bombs, liquids more than 3 ounces, shoes, etc, etc, etc and all the other bullshit.

Look, Grandma, I got a gun
A 4 year old girl shot herself with her grandmother’s gun while in Sam’s Club yesterday.  She was sitting in the cart when she just reached over and pulled the gun out of her grandmother’s.  The little girl shot herself in the chest.  The entire event was caught on surveillance.

Sam’s Club immediately closed the store while an investigation was made and the little girl was rushed to the hospital.  She had surgery and is expected to recover as no major organs were hit by the bullet.

The grandmother did have a permit to carry the gun.  Sam’s Club also does not have a policy against weapons in its stores, but they say they will be making some changes.  “Must be 18 or older to shoot self on Wal-Mart property.”

This shit is crazy.  You are pushing your little kid down an aisle in a shopping cart.  She reaches over and grabs your gun and shoots herself.  What the fuck?  Do adults who own weapons even tell their kids about the dangers of guns? 

My parents kept weapons in the house and we knew where they were and how to use them.  My parents also let it be known they would beat us stupid if we even messed with their weapons without their permission. 

Why the fuck was the gun loaded?  Why was it in her purse while she was shopping at Sam’s Club?  Why wasn’t the safety on?  If you know you have gun in your purse, why is the purse sitting next to a four year old?

Why?

No McTomatos at McDonald’s
After a salmonella outbreak connected with tomatos, McDonald’s has decided to stop serving them until they figure out what the fuck is going on. 

No deaths have occured because of the outbreak but there have been 23 hospitalizations across the United States, including one in Virginia.  All poisoned tomatoes are coming from one source, and the CDC has not been able to figure it out yet. 

Until they figure out who is selling the fucked up tomatos, McDonald’s say they will not use tomatoes in their sandwiches.  They will use the grape tomato since that has not been linked to any outbreaks.

This is fine since tomatoes are gross anyway.  My job even put up a sign in the cafeteria stating they will not be serving tomatoes until the CDC figures it out.  They don’t want anybody trying to get sick leave because of a salmonella dysentary outbreak.  So you can’t use that as an excuse since all the bosses know there are no tomatoes to be found in the cafeteria.

When the tomato plant was first discovered, people were afraid to eat it.  The tomato plant is related to belladonna, a poisonous plant that occurs naturally.  Just thought I’d throw that in there.

The next question:  is catsup safe?

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