Daily News June 10

Like Shooting Babies in a Barrel
In Baltimore, two small children were shot while they were playing in their baby pool last night.  Witnesses say that at least 11 shots were fired on Winchester Street around 10pm last night, up the street from where the children were playing.

The two children were 2 and 3.  One was shot in the chest and the other was shot in the leg.

I’m sorry to hear that babies were shot, but what’s really wrong with this picture?  It’s 10 o’clock at night.  Why are 2 and 3 year olds outside swimming in a pool?  Shouldn’t children this small be in bed already?  I mean, for real.  Then there is the fact that Winchester Street is not really that great a place to be hanging around at night, so maybe you shouldn’t have small children, or any children outside after dark especially when you know that shit like this happens all the time.  See how parents don’t take responsibility?  Now they are pissed that someone shot their kids when the little brats should have been in bed instead of outside at 10 o’clock at night playing in the pool. 

Don’t Snake the Baby
In upstate New York a woman heard her baby cry and she went to check on her.  When she got into the room she saw a 1 foot snake wrapped around her 7 month old daughter’s leg.  The woman immediately snatched up her child and the snake fell away.

The snake is described as a California King and not at all poisonous, but also not native to the state of New York.  The family does not have any pets and they have no idea where the snake might have come from.  Snakes cannot crawl 3000 miles across country. 

Okay, so wouldn’t you be freaked out if you went to check on your child and you saw a snake wrapped around her?  Luckily the snake was not poisonous or a constrictor.  Python and boa constrictors are capable of eating small babies.  I’m not afraid of snakes but I’d be scared as shit if I woke up and a snake was trying to eat me.

Nah, but I heard it was the bomb
In Connecticut police found a raw whole chicken on the side of the road with a pipe bomb stuffed inside it.  They have no idea who put the bomb there or who it was intended to hurt.

The bomb was strong enough to seriously injure someone if it went off.  The police have diffused the bomb and if anybody knows anything about this bizarre incident please contact the police.

This is a strange story.  Who the fuck puts a bomb in a chicken and then leaves it on the side of the road?  Do you know how hot it’s been on the east coast lately?  Nobody is messing with a piece of raw skanky chicken that has been laying on the side of the road with maggots all over it.  So if someone was actually trying to hurt someone else, they didn’t think it through very well.  I don’t go messing with raw meat laying in the street.

I guess they were trying to practise before they created real roadside bombs.  Maybe they were trying to kill animals since they are the only things that will mess with some funky ass meat on the roadside.  Maybe he was trying to think of a faster way to cook the chicken.  I have no idea.  People are strange.

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