So today I got a SUBPOENAE in the mail.
Do you know I almost shit myself because I was thinking, “What the fuck did I do now?” You know I am always doing something to get myself into trouble, and I was like… Oh my God. But then I saw State of Maryland vs. Someone Else’s Name. And I’m like… No, wait, that’s not me.
Then it came back to me.
Remember the night of Lanae’s Leon Birthday party and I saw that accident where the woman ran straight through a red light and smashed the shit out of this man? That’s what I’m being ordered to court to testify about. I guess I don’t mind, except for the fact that I don’t like taking off work and then I have to drive all the way up to Baltimore.
I am an advocate for safe driving. I actually report drunk drivers when I see them on the road. And this lady was dead wrong. It wasn’t the case of beating a yellow. No, she cruised right through a solid red light and hit this poor guy so hard I don’t even think he knew what day of the week it was. I wasn’t even involved in the accident and it was terrifying for me. They were like an inch from my car when they stopped spinning around. If it weren’t for that light post they would have run into me.
I do not know if this lady was drunk or not. I just don’t know. Anyway, I hate to be wrapped up in other people’s drama. I got my own shit to deal with. But I guess as long as I’m not being subpoenaed on my own behalf than I guess I’m all right with it.
In more amusing news, today I saw an ice cream truck on the way to Wal-Mart. It wasn’t just any ice cream truck, this truck was totally tricked out with a state-of-the-art sound system. The ice cream lady was playing these Caribbean tunes and the shit was like Bose speakers. It was hilarious. You know how most ice cream trucks are all beat up with old stickers and everything. Her shit had neon lights and art deco ice cream stickers and everything. I’m like… is this the ice cream truck of the future?
And then by contrast, three hours later the regular ice cream truck comes down my neighbourhood. A beat up kidnapper van with no windows. Then on top of that he was playing Christmas music. I was out of my evening walk when I thought I heard “Silent Night.” Then I was like… It’s June and it’s also mad hot out here. Not Christmas time, but then as I started paying more attention, it was indeed Christmas music because the next song was Joy to the World and then he played O Tannenbaum.
I need this ice cream truck to get up to date and more importantly, I need him not to look like scary pedophile in the neighbourhood. If I had kids I would tell them they can’t buy ice cream from him. Especially since he likes to park in front of the bushes and then he has no windows except for the driver side window and the windshield. And then his truck isn’t a truck, it’s a kidnapper van that he converted into an ice cream truck.