Daily News July 12

Sleep On This
A Russian woman was tired of her husband getting drunk all the time.  He would get trashed and they would start arguing.  One night, he was sitting on his favourite couch when he started in on one of his drunken rants.  The wife got so pissed that she hit the automatic lever on the side of the couch which turns the couch into a bed and also folds the couch up against the wall to save space.  The couch folded up against the wall and the husband was stuck between the cushions and the wall.  The wife walked out of the room and left him there.  Three hours later she returned to find that the apartment was very, very quiet.  She tried to pull the couch down from the wall, but it was stuck so she called the paramedics.  The paramedics had to cut the couch up in order to get the man.  The minute she hit the lever and the couch folded up, the man died instantly.  So pretty much he had been dead for three hours by the time she returned.

This is just…weird.  They didn’t say exactly what the cause of death was.  They didn’t say if his head was smashed or if he just suffocated.  Well, he died instantly, so his head must have banged up on something.  I guess he should have listened to his wife and stopped drinking when she told him to.  Now look at him.  Smashed up between some couch cushions and the wall.

 

I Ain’t Know That Was There
A police officer was cleaning his undercover police car when he found 50 pounds cocaine hidden in the hydraulic components of the car.  The cocaine, valued at $400,000, was packed neatly around the hydraulic parts.  The police said that many drug dealers are using this more and more to hide drugs in the car.  The car was originally taken from a drug house and then sold at auction.  The police department bought the car and decided to use it in their undercover drug operations.  Another car was also taken from the drug house and now the police are trying to find that car to see if there are drugs hidden in it.  The police claimed they searched the vehicles when they took them from the drug house, but they did not find anything unusual.

 

This is a Stick-Up!
A man with robbed a gas station armed with a cheese grater.  After accomplishing that, the man then ran across the street to a bar and attempted to rob that establishment.  Once the bar owner realised that the cheese grater was not a gun, he told the man to get lost and threw him out of the bar.  The man dropped his cheese grater as he ran off, but the police were able to catch him after the gas station attendants had called them.  The man did confess to the robbery and attempted robbery and currently he is being arraigned on those charges.

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