This is so random.
Since I have a late morning appointment, I’m not going into work, so last night I stayed up late just because I could. The other day, I had bought some incense at the Chinese store. They had chocolate and I was interested to see if it actually smelled like chocolate.
So me and the kid settle down for bed around midnight. I tried to watch Star Trek, but it is futile to actually really watch something with this kid. I just paused it and let him ramble on because I realise by now that only time he is quiet is when he is sleep or eating, and even then he talks with his mouth full and he talks in his sleep.
At any rate, somewhere between his discussion of space travel and religion (because the two are related in his world), I must have fallen asleep. I had lit these incense sticks all over the house and had some non-scented candles burning. He’s like, “Are you a romantic?” Uhm, no. I turned off all the lights. Usually I keep this very low-watt lamp burning 24/7 but I turned it off. It was nice and cool, and just relaxing. I’m sleep. Zzzzzzz.
Enter some of the most bizarre dreams I have ever had. I think the incense was making me hallucinate. You know how in movies where they show people getting high and how they feel high, they always show the person floating through space with some kind of weird background.
Okay, that was me. I was floating through the air, backstroking through some clouds. It was all psychodelic and weird looking. Then I was in heaven, having a conversation with God. The really sad part is that I either cannot remember what we talked about, or the “volume” was down and I never heard around conversation in the first place. Leave it to me to have a conversation with God and not be paying attention. Real nice.
So after I left heaven, then I was outside in some kind of field with all these flowers and people were coming up to me asking me strange questions and I would touch their forehead and they would float away from me.
Then after that I was somewhere in the Middle Ages leading ranged archers into battle, and everything seemed so real. I guess that came from earlier when he and I were playing Age of Empires.
I can’t remember a lot of the stuff that was happening, but it was all so surreal. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed like that. But the strangest part is that when I woke up, I wasn’t laying on my couch like I normally am, I was outside. Somehow I had managed to sleep walk to the front door and go outside.
Okay, why am I outside at 515 in the morning? The sun wasn’t up yet, since the days are getting shorter and it was slightly chilly and I was just on the porch in La La Land. I do not recall ever sleep walking in my whole life and my parents never said I used to do that as I kid or anything.
Where did that even come from? He is asleep so I can’t ask him. So I just came back in the house and shut the door and went back into the living room. The incense was still burning and I just thought, “this shit is making me high,” like I’m really in some tent out in the dessert with the Berbers of the Seven Empires.
Weird. This is precisely why I don’t do drugs. What if I had started walking down the street in the middle of the night?
And then the shit don’t even smell like chocolate. It smelled like… what I call “Old World” like something one of the Three Kings used. Except I’m sure they didn’t want to get the baby Jesus high. Maybe it was for Mary. They didn’t have Epidurals back then. And she was in a barn. And they had been walking all day.
Okay, let me stop before I get mysteriously electrocuted or something.