Senseless Scribbling of an Idiot #12

Drill Weekend
Last weekend, I had drill.  I didn’t stay overnight as required but the kid is here right now and I can’t exactly bring him on a gun range.  Yeah, that would have been funny.  We were supposed to qualifying, but since I’ve already qualified this year they said I didn’t have to go.  I just went to the armory and cleaned weapons and helped one of the sergeants pack and unpack all the gear. 

I showed the boy a picture of me with my M-16 and he just doesn’t believe it’s me.  He don’t know how much his cousin loves to shoot.  I told my dad for Christmas that I wanted handguns.  Who asks for a gun for Christmas?  A southern girl, that’s who.  I’ve been going to civilian gun ranges.  I’m going to buy a .357 and inscribe “Jesus loves winners” on the buttstock.  Hahaha.  It’s kind of an inside joke.

Farewell to the Little Tyke
This is his last weekend here.  At first I was like, “Oh, God, it can’t be too soon.”  Seriously, this has been an exercise of patience.  I am now more convinced than ever that I was never intended to be a mother.  Someone told me that if he had been my natural son, things would have been different, but really, kids are kids.  They don’t be quiet when you want them to.  They don’t like this.  They don’t like that.  They ask a million questions.  They have strange fears where you’re like… what the fuck?  Kids never turn out exactly as you want them to be, so it doesn’t matter if he is mine or not.  My kids would probably be worse because I’d be a psycho. 

At any rate, he made my summer enjoyable.  Most of my friends are either too broke to go anywhere or not interested in doing things like going to museums and visiting the monuments.  I like doing things like that and having him with me made it more pleasant because I’m not just some loner freak on the National Mall looking at Abraham Lincoln while everyone else is in a huge group. 

But seriously, to all parents, especially single parents, you get mad kudos from me because this shit is not easy.  I don’t really spend that much time with kids so some things I felt so alien.  He’s like, “My tummy hurts,” and I’m like, “Oh my God, he has cancer!” when really he just needs to take a crap. 

Then on a Tuesday night when I have to go to work the next morning and he is up ALL NIGHT LONG asking me questions, I’m like, “How the hell do I get this kid to go to sleep?”  And then the questions be so bizarre, “What is the Witness Protection Program?”  Where did you even hear that?  I realised then it is because I watch 4 hours of Law and Order everyday, and he is going around the house talking about, “Objection!” Kids pick up everything.  “What does ‘sustained’ mean?”  GO TO SLEEP!  Then he woke up me up out of a dead ass sleep to say, “Why didn’t they know it was her?”  They?  Who?  What?  Go to sleep!!!  I had no idea what he was talking about until the next day I was at work and thought, “oh, he was talking about the Law and Order episode.”    I guess it’s a good thing I don’t sit around watching Sex and the City.  The questions I’d get would be …. outrageous, to say the least.

It’s different when I get him over the weekends when I am home in Jacksonville than having him for 7 weeks straight.  Seven long ass weeks.  But we accomplished a lot in seven weeks.  Thanks to his crappy school system, he is just not prepared for the next grade.  I may not be the world’s greatest parent, but I will claim to be an excellent educator.  Someone once told me that my head was full of the most useless information ever, but really, it all came in handy with him. 

I designed an entire lesson plan.  Spelling lessons, math lessons, geography lessons, history lessons, reading and comprehension lessons.  Everything, and I even had pop quizzes and exams for him every week.  He had to write essays whenever he was getting on my nerves.  Whenever we were just sitting around doing nothing, I would be like, “Hey, what’s 6 x 6?” 

He now knows half his states and capitals; his times tables; a plethora of 8th and 9th grade spelling words; the first few presidents; the history of presidential monuments and a basic understanding of the United States court system.  Well, he can at least understand when and why an objection is either overruled or sustained (Hahahah). 

We even talked about etiquette, manners, morals, ethics and values, something I think a lot of people forget to teach their kids and that is why this country is such a God-less abomination.

I swear, I’m going to make this kid a genius.  If I had had more time, I would have been able to get through all the states and into long division and a whole bunch of other stuff.  I made all these lesson plans so that he would not be sitting at home just watching TV all damn day.  If the homework wasn’t done by the time I got home, no TV and no video games.  If it was done half-assed, well, he would get twice as much work and still no TV, no video games, no dessert and no fun things on the weekend.

It is amazing what he has accomplished and I like watching kids learn and grow.  I would have like to teach him full time, but I’m not sure how to accomplish that.  His family is in Florida and kids really should be with their parents, and I’m tired of giving up club night, but if he isn’t learning anything in school, then it’s going to be a hard life ahead. 

I just think the best way to show the Lord I am grateful for all the things He has given me is to at least use a little bit on someone else who hasn’t gotten there yet.  I wouldn’t give any of my friends a dollar, but I was glad to have spent time and money on him if he learned something and enjoyed himself.  Even though I do feel like I spent the national deficit in groceries.  Kids eat too damn much.  Next time he is getting nothing but bread and water.  The first time I went to the store and the lady rung me up, I was like…. how much??? $200 something.  What???  And then it was gone a week later.  Oh no.  No, no, no.  I think I hear your mom and dad calling you.  Bye!

No, seriously.  Hopefully all of our late night discussions on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness will stick in his mind and even though Duval County Public Schools isn’t doing anything to expand his mind, he will try to expand it himself. 

But he is only 11 so I’m not going to ask for the moon.  Just a little bit of fairy dust!

Party, Party, Party?
I was invited to a party next week, but I think for sanity’s sake I am going to sit it out.  It will be my first free weekend where I can really stay out all night long but I’m not sure I want to soak it in drama my first time out.  I need to stick my rules:  once I turn the page on one chapter in my life, I never go back.  I think that aspect of my life is over and done with.  No since in going back to the darkness that I knew.

School of Hard Knocks
I had taken Tae Kwon Do off for the summer.  I’m starting back again next month.  I am pleased to say that even though I wasn’t training as hard as I was in the spring, I have still managed to lose 8 pounds. I was 156 in April, I am 148.  The Army goal is 140, but my personal goal is 135.  And to think, I weighed 175 pounds this time last year.  Hahahahah!  I’m bringing sexy back.

I’ll have to make up some time before I can advance to the next belt. I  had just gotten my yellow belt in early May.  Hopefully by early next year I’ll make it go green.  I did say I wanted to enter a tournament in 2009.  Look for me on the cover of an MMA magazine!!!!

Hiyaaah!

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