Daily News September 25

First There Were Nine, Then There Were None

A father of nine has abandoned all of his children at a hospital in accordance with Nebraska’s new safe haven laws.  The children ranged in age from 1 to 17.  The safe haven law states that parents can leave their children at a sanctuary such as a church, hospital or fire station if the children are in danger, without repercussion from the law.  The children cannot be abused or neglected in any sort of way, but if the parent feels like he cannot take care of the child or the parents are overwhelmed, they can leave the kids at one of these places without fear of going to jail.  Lawmakers state that they meant for the law to protect infants and newborns because there was an alarming rate of babies being dumped in trash cans or left on the streets. 


Okay, let’s examine this closely.  I’m actually glad that Nebraska has this law, but then I’m also kind of not glad.  On one hand, it provides an option for new parents, especially unwed teen mothers, who just don’t know what to do.  We’ve already given the abstinence speech.  We’ve already given the speech on responsibility, yet we still scream and carry on with teenagers who get pregnant, throw them out the house and threaten them with all kinds of bodily harm.  Those kids get scared when they get in trouble, so they do dumb shit like throw the baby in the trash or try to have a homemade abortion with a coat hanger and a hammer.  Adoption requires forms and all kinds of stuff, usually too daunting for some 16 year old to understand.  Having a safe place to leave a baby anonymously without fear of getting thrown in jail is much better for the kid, rather than having the kid taped up in a cooler and thrown in the damn river. 


But then you have grown ass people, like this man, taking advantage of the situation.  This jackass has NINE kids.  You mean to tell me he just figured out that he is stressed and overwhelmed and doesn’t want children?  Nebraska has had a number of older children being abandoned under the new safe haven law, and authorities are worried that parents are just using it as an excuse to get rid of their kids when they are mad or the kids don’t do what they want.  “If you don’t do your homework, I’m abandoning you at the nearest hospital!”


Looking at it from the kids’ prospective.  Can you imagine being 17 years old and your dad is like, “Come on kids, we’re going for a ride.”  You get packed up in the family van and you go to the hospital and your dad just walks out.  Nice.  You and all your brothers and sisters are like, “What the fuck?”


Then from the dad’s prospective.  How the hell do you explain that all your kids are gone?  “Hey man, where the kids at?”  Oh, uhm, yeah, they’re gone.  “What you mean gone?”  I don’t have no kids no more.  I gave them back.  What the fuck?


If we had state-assisted sterilisation we wouldn’t need safe haven, abortion or any other child control laws.  We can just sterilise people who are incompetent and they will not have to make any tough decisions anymore.  Perfect.  Let’s start with the Bushes.


Mama Said Knock You Out

A Pennsylvania woman has admitted that she helped her son build an arsenal of weapons to rival the United States military.  The son, a 14 year old, was constantly bullied at school because he was fat.  The mother thought weapons such as a rifle with a high powered laser scope, would give him self-confidence.  She also bought the boy raw gunpowder, which he was using to make hand grenades.


The boy had been removed from public school because the teasing was so bad, and he was home-schooled, but he did have contact with another kid.  He asked the other kid to join him in a Columbine-style school attack.  The other kid had sense and told someone what the boy was planning to do.  The mother claimed she had no idea that the boy was about to lay the smack down on his classmates.  She faces 3-7 years in prison, and the boy is in juvenile detention.


So, I don’t see what the problem is.  In America, we are taught to handle our business when someone is trying to get over on us.  These kids were bullying him, and as parents know, you try to talk to other parents and they are like, “Yeah, whatever, my kid doesn’t do stuff like that.”  So maybe they need a blast in the ass to wake the fuck up.  No, I’m kidding.  Seriously, to all the parents that read my blog, would you buy your child an automatic assault rifle?  Wouldn’t you be afraid he might use that shit on you?  Kids these days, you have no idea what is going on in their heads.  But she wants to turn her child into the Rambo version of Boy Meets World.


“Here, Tommy, why don’t you go play with your gunpowder.  Make mommy some hand grenades.  We’ll show those little brats.”  See, if we had followed my earlier suggestions of sterilisation, this woman wouldn’t have to make those big parenting decisions.


Jews in the Bible Belt

The Jewish community in Dothan, Alabama is offering young Jewish families around the United States $50,000 to move out there with them.  The Jewish community is concerned that it will die out when all the old people kick the bucket.  To revitalise the community, they need young families to re-populate and get the spirit moving again.  They said even though it’s the south, they have never felt any religious persecution, but they do admit they are not a very Orthodox, strict community, so it would probably be better for regular Jews, or whatever.


You can’t be rich or foreign, and you have to promise to stay for at least 5 years.  The money can only be used for housing expenses, put the kids in school, open up a business or some such.  And you have to be Jewish!


I don’t want to live in Alabama, but I do want $50,000.  Maybe I should convert.


Tasered to Death

Two New York City police officers have been relieved from regular duty after one tasered a distraught naked man while he stood on a ledge.  The man was apparently carrying on and suicidal at his home.  His relatives feared for his life and called 911.  When the police came, the man stripped out of his clothes and jumped out of his 3rd floor window onto a ledge where he grew more and more agitated.  As the officers tried to approach him, he jabbed them with an 8 foot fluorescent light bulb.


The police lieutenant ordered the man to be tasered, and a lower-ranking officer did so causing the man to freeze and then fall off the ledge to his death.  He suffered serious brain injuries after the ten foot fall onto the concrete sidewalk.


New York police department guidelines forbid the use of tasers on suspects who are in an elevated position where they might fall.  A taser can shock someone with about 50,000 volts of electricity—not really a pleasant thing to feel.


So, what is wrong with this picture?  The man is suicidal, not homicidal.  He is also naked and babbling, obviously going crazy.  Why wasn’t a—I forget what they are called, there is a specific negotiator called in when a person is threatening to take his own life.  The police, nor innocent bystanders, were not in any real danger from a man wielding a light bulb while he stood on a ledge, even if it was 8 feet.  Glass can cut you, yes, but you can also step away from a light bulb as opposed to a firearm with a bullet flying. 


What did both the lieutenant and the police officer think would happen when they immobilised him while he was standing on the ledge?  Tasers cause you to freeze because the muscles are spasming.  He was just going to freeze up and stay there on the ledge like a statue?  The police said they did request an inflatable bed but it had not arrived by the time the man was zapped.  This just shows the incompetence of the police department.  On the other hand, the man did want to die.  Now that his death is not a suicide, his family will get death benefits. 


It is very important to try to see the positive in a bad situation.


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