Daily News September 30

But Coach, I Just Want To Play
A man was arrested on trespassing and other charges after he stole a Dodgers uniform and ran out on the field to play during a live baseball game.  The man found the Dodgers uniform in one of the locker rooms.  He put it on and got some gloves and was headed towards the field when a security guard spotted him.  The security guard recognised the man from another incident and he immediately called the police.  The man said he loved the team so much that he just wanted to help out however he could.

Hey, you know what, I don’t think this is as crazy as it sounds.  If you have real love for something, it’s not uncommon that the fans go overboard.  It’s not like he was trying to kidnap them or something crazy like that.  No, I don’t want to encourage fans to start running out onto the baseball field or into a basketball court, but if you love your team, show it!

I Just Needed the Money
A 19 year old kid is in jail on murder charges after he hired two men to kill his mother.  Since things like this happen everyday, you’re probably wondering why I’m posting this since I do not usually talk about crime or politics.  It must be because the kid was unusually abused.  Or maybe he was neglected.  Or perhaps there was some bizarre way in which she was killed.

No, the sad truth about this story is that the boy had the mother killed because he needed money to get a boob job for his girlfriend.  He planned to sell her car and other valuables she might have had in order to finance a boob job for his girlfriend.

I hope the girlfriend realises how much he cares about her that he is willing to kill his own mother just to get her something.  She should stick around for the next 25years to life, so whenever he gets out she can tell him how much she loves him, even though he wasn’t able to get the money for her boob job.  And to think, all of that for nothing.

But then again, he had enough to hire two men to kill his mother.  How much money was that?  He could have saved that money and put it towards the breast augmentation.  I don’t know how much breast implants cost, like maybe a couple grand.  How much money did it take for these guys to kill the mother?  In movies, it always costs at least $10,000, sometimes much more.  I don’t know anybody who would kill somebody for a few dollars.  “Look, man, I only got $87, you think you can kill my mother for me?  I’ll give you some more when I get paid.”  The world is so screwed.

Meanwhile, Back at the Ballgame
At a completely separate baseball field, the bomb squad had to be called after suspicious looking foil wrapped packages were found near trash cans all over the parking lot.  After a visual inspection no logical explanation could be determined for the packages so the bomb squad was called in to investigate.

The packages turned out to be a heavily wrapped hot dogs which had been injected from a high powered gun-type thing during the baseball game.  Either the hot dogs were gross or there was just too much foil because people had taken them from the stands and into the parking lot where most of them ended up on the ground.

Frozen In Time
After a young girl was found, obviously abused and neglected, wandering on the streets of a small town in Calvert County, MD, the police investigated her house only to find that her two small sisters had been stuffed in a deep freezer since February of last year.

The mother of the children, who were all adopted, admitted to beating the young girl with a hard heeled shoe.  She also admitted that the two girls in the freezer were hers and that she put them there.  The surviving girl had been locked in her room and she jumped out of a second story window to escape whatever madness was going on in that house.  The attorney for the mother said, “she knew what she was doing was wrong,” and “she needs help for her out of control beatings.”

Yeah, you think?  I have a great therapy idea.  Why don’t we beat her down for a little while with a hard heeled shoe.  Strangle her like she did the girl.  Tie her up  and then lock her up in a room for a little while, and just when she is about to get over that, we should put her in a freezer.

But you know, the law doesn’t allow such things and that is truly sad because even a lifetime in prison, even a death sentence is not enough.  And sad to say, this woman is black.

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