Daily News October 20

Who Wants Barbeque?
Family members in California were arrested this week after they allegedly cremated another family member on a barbeque grill and continued to collect her retirement checks after her death.  It is very likely that the woman had died of natural causes before she was barbequed, but the police are performing an autopsy just to make sure she wasn’t murdered.

The woman was cremated by her daughter and grandson who said they let her lay on the floor of a bedroom for a week before they put her on the grill.  The daughter also stated that a necklace she wore was made of pieces of her mother’s skull.  Whatever was left of the burned body was buried and a tree was planted on top of it.  It is obvious that the family is kind of “not right” because in addition to the skull necklace the daughter wears a tiara of made of beaded wire that she says will protect her brain from radio waves. 

It was the son who alerted authorities to his mother’s death.  He hadn’t heard from her since December and asked about a welfare check.  The daughter and the grandson had collected retirement checks in the amount of $25,000.

Yeah, how strange is this?  First of all, any old barbeque is not going to help you cremate somebody.  Fire is hot, but you have to have a really good hot fire in order to cremate someone to ash.  So pretty much all they did was burn up the body and then bury the shit in the backyard.  I know people don’t always get along with their parents, but was it that serious?  And then walking around with a peice of her skull on a necklace.  I’m going to say that these people are either seriously disturbed or they have some kind of mental condition.  If the mother wasn’t murdered, the only thing they could be charged with is improper disposal of a body and embezzlement.  That’s not going to get any serious time, but these people should also probably be locked away in some kind of asylum.

A Rose By Any Other Name
A teenager from North Carolina has decided that her political message is so important that she has decided to change her name in order to get the message across.  She has changed her name from Jennifer Thornburg to Cutoutdissection.com.  A North Carolina judge granted the request last month and the girl has asked her friends and family to call her cutout.  She said that she started this crusade after protesting dissections in high school and her name is actually the name of a website she created to bring attention to the issue.  Her dad said he supported her, but it would be hard to get used to her new name.

Wow.  Anything for attention.  I believe should take a stand for their causes, but sometimes let’s just be real.  Is she going to hang on to this name for the rest of her life?  What if she meets a nice guy and he wants to introduce her to his family.  “Mom, Dad, I’d like you meet my girlfriend, Cutoutdissection.com.”  What if she gets married, “Do you, Cutoutdissection.com take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband?”  What if she has kids?  “Mrs. Cutoutdissection.com, your son has been acting up in class again.”  Do people ever really think when they make decisions in life?  Then she’s just a teenager, and you know how you are all youthful and idealistic when you’re a kid.  What the fuck kind of law do they have in North Carolina that allows kids to change their names?  Even if the father supported her madness, he should have made her wait until she was 18, to at least give her some time to put some thought into this nonsense.  I can tell you, hearing her name did not make me want to go visit her website.  So, I don’t think it’s working.  Sorry, Cutout.  Maybe next time.

Is That Shrimp, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
A man in Florida has been arrested after he tried to steal bags of frozen shrimp for a grocery store.  The man had shoved several bags of frozen shrimp into his pants and then tried to walk out the front door.  A police officer who moonlights at the store noticed something odd about him, and told him to take out the stolen products.  The man said he didn’t want any trouble and that he would put the stuff back, but instead he knocked the cop over and ran out of the store.  He was later arrested.

Uhm, would you want some shrimp that had been shoved down some nasty man’s pants?  I don’t care if it is frozen and in a bag.  If I’m in the store and I pick up a bag of shrimp that is slightly warmed with a strange odour to it, I’m gonna be like, “Hmm, something’s fishy here!”

I’ve Had Too Much, You Should Drive
A Canadian mom has been arrested after having entirely too much to drink and then allowing her 9 year old daughter to act as the designated driver.  Police pulled the car over after they saw how small the driver was.  Something was odd, so they stopped the car.  The mother stated that she was worried about driving because she had had too much to drink.

Well, I guess she did the responsible thing by not getting into a car drunk, and you know I’m such a hard ass about drinking and driving.  But there is a reason why drunks should not drive–they don’t make the best decisions.  So, uhm, letting a 9 year old drive a car along an old country road because you are too trashed… not exactly the brightest thing.  And moreover, where the fuck are you that you are drunk in the presence of your kid?  Are you at someone’s house?  If so, why are you friends letting you tell your kid, “Okay, sweetie, mom’s a little trashed right now, why don’t you drive?”  Are you a restaurant?  I don’t know about Canada, but I do know that in the U.S. it is against the law for restauranteurs to continue to serve people who are obviously trashed.  It is also against the law to let these people leave the restaurant drunk if they can ascerntain that the individual is the one going to be driving.  So the waitress is serving the mom all these drinks and lets her go with nothing but her daughter to drive?  Is she in a bar?  If so, why the fuck is a 9 year old at a bar?  What kind of laws do they have up there in Canada?

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