Daily News November 3

Tricks But No Treats
A 12 year old boy was shot dead on Halloween night in a small town in South Carolina.  The boy was out trick or treating with his father and two other siblings.  As they were on their way home, they saw a house in their neighbourhood with the porch light on so the father and the 3 kids went up to the door and rang the doorbell.  As soon as they rang it, 30 rounds from an AK-47 came spraying through the door, killing one child, and injuring another and the father.  The mother and a smaller child were in a car in front of the house and saw the incident.

Inside the house was an ex-convict and his girlfriend.  The convict said he thought he was being robbed.  The mother in the car called the police and everyone was rushed to the hospital but the boy had already died.  The girlfriend then tried to run away from the scene with $7500 she stole out the house.  The two were inside with drugs, but no one was high or drunk.

Let me get this straight.  It’s Halloween night and someone knocks on your door, and without even opening the door or looking out the peephole or out the window or anything, you just automatically assume you are getting robbed so you shoot THROUGH the door with your AK-47.  I know a lot of stupid things happen on Halloween, but how can you confirm something bad is happening if you haven’t even looked outside to see what is going on?  My thing is, everybody knows that if you dont’ want nobody knocking on your door on Halloween, turn your porch light off and make your house look uninviting.

This cannot be the first kid that knocked on his door that night.  So I’m not understanding how this man came to the conclusion he was getting robbed.  He claimed that he had been robbed and shot earlier that year and he wasn’t going to let anybody do it to him again.  But once again, since you didn’t look outside, why did you think that?  But then again, most criminals are not that bright. 

Ring-a-Ling For Your Ding-a-Ling
While almost everybody knows the importance of condoms, some countries actually advocate NOT using them because of various reasons.  Condom usage in other countries is sometimes associated with stigma and regular people avoid using them because of weird superstitions and beliefs.  To avoid all that, new condom campaigns have been put into place to reduce the spread of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. 

In India, it is believed that people who use condoms are prostitutes.  The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation created a ringtone for condom users.  It sounds like a barbershop quartet type of song and it says something to the effect of, “Condom, Condom, Condom, I use a condom…” or whatever.  More than 60,000 people have downloaded this ringtone. 

Ethiopians claim the smell of latex sickens them and that is why they refuse to use condoms.  So someone invented a condom that smells and tastes like coffee–since Ethiopians believe they are the inventors of coffee.  There are also condoms flavoured like sweet corn for the Chinese and durian fruit for the Indonesian.

Western Australian kids have the highest HIV rate in their country.  Way out in the outback, kids like to hang out under trees with their potential lover, so nurses out there have decided to hang condoms in the trees, that way the kids can just reach up and grab one.  No one will have to feel embarassed by actually walking into a store to get one.  There is also a programme where kids sell condoms and get to keep half the money for doing so.

In Germany, you can now spray your condom on.  Many men were complaining that condoms do not fit right, so they don’t want to use them.  There is some small device that a man puts his penis in and the latex is sprayed on.  The only problem to be had with this one is that the latex takes 3-5 minutes to dry and some men were scared to put their penis into the device. 

So, now you have no excuse not to use a condom.  You can get them flavoured, stripped, ribbed, singing and ringing.  There’s condoms in trees, sprayed on condoms, banana flavoured condoms, macchiato condoms, sweet corn condoms and fruity flavoured condoms, and … and… that’s about it.

No Tricks but Treats
Many restaurants and shops are running campaigns that are giving away free items to people who vote.  One such shop is a sex store called Babeland, they are in L.A. and New York.  If you vote, men can get the pocket pussy and women can get the silver bullet. 

The ad campaign reads:  “He’s always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo.”  For women, the silver bullet offers “a magical solution to difficult problems” and “a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times.”

So don’t say your vote was wasted.  Even if your candidate doesn’t win, you can relieve your stress and anxiety with one of these toys.  Enjoy your life.

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