Music Review: Beyonce – I Am Sasha Fierce

Mariah Carey is my number one female artist, but Beyonce comes in a close second.  I sometimes flip flop them because they are both good for different things.  Mariah has those power ballads that make you want to slit your wrists, and her pop/dance/hip hop songs also make me want to slit my wrists because they’re so horrid.  Beyonce does a better job at those type of songs because she is younger, not an aging diva trying to hang on to her candy coated youth.

At any rate, any album either one puts out, I’m going to download it and play it to death because no matter how much they suck, I still love them.

So, naturally, the minute Sasha Fierce was available for full download without DJ Clue screaming in the background, I got it.  I have been listening to it all day long, back to back, getting into each song.  Even the bad ones.  Like I was with E=MC2, I am slightly disappointed with this album Sasha Fierce.  It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard, but she is worth so much more.

Beyonce, Beyonce, you’re so beautiful; you’re the hottest chick in the game, you got a great voice, great body, great star power… Can we add some originality to the mix?

“If I Were a Boy” sounds like a slow version of Ciara’s “Like a Boy.”  “Halo” sounds like Rihanna’s “Umbrella.”  At the end of the song repeating the same refrain… “Halo! Halo! Halo! Halo!” or “Umbrella…ella…ella…eehh..ohhh.  Umbrella…ella….ella…”  Rihanna was talking about a friend, and Beyonce is talking about a man, but what’s the difference?

“Disappear” is a good song, and one of the few songs on the album that really revealed some emotion and depth of her singing.  I can’t say it’s my favourite though.  It’s missing that something.  That little element that makes it the song you just keep repeating over and over.

I did like “Broken-Hearted Girl,” and I think that’s because I related to the lyrics a little, even though the lyrics were cheesy and overly rhymy in a corny kind of way.

The song “Ave Maria,” well, I like its musicality, but I really don’t like the conversion of religious music into secular, no, not even secular, but straight up pop/R&B music.  To me it’s the same as taking a church song and putting booty bass to it.  Beyonce’s version of Ave Maria isn’t that ghetto, but I still find it to be sacrilege.

“Smash Into You” sounds pretty much like Dave Matthews Band “Crash.”  She sings “I wanna run, smash into you,” and he sings, “I’m so lost for you, you come crash into me.”  In both songs they are talking about their love obsession for the object of their desire.  They share no lyrics in common, but the first thing I thought of when I heard her song was Dave Matthews Band.  Sadly, though, Beyonce’s “Smash Into You” sounds like one of those horrid songs you’d hear at the end of a badly written romantic comedy.

And even more amusing is that Beyonce has a song called “Satellites” and so does Dave Matthews Band.  This song is weepy and mournful, about her fixation on her love interest and how she can’t live without him.  Blah blah blah.  It’s more of the same that’s already been singing for the past half hour of the album.  You’re obsessed with Jay-Z, we get that.  Can we move on?

“That’s Why You’re Beautiful” is more of the same.  “I’m so in love with you, Jay-Z, I want to have all your babies and I’ll give up my music career for you, be pregnant and barefoot for the best part of my life even though you’re probably humping all your video hoes.”  That pretty much sums up the first half of her album.

The second half of the album was more upbeat.  “Put a Ring On It” sounds like “Get Me Bodied,” though, and I skipped it because I don’t like “Get Me Bodied” and I don’t like this song.

I do like “Radio.”  I played this one a couple of times.  That’s because I am in love with my radio, well, my iPod.  Until they come up with something different, I believe the iPod is the greatest invention ever to grace my life.  I could survive without my cell phone, card and even my computer and internet, just as long as I can keep powering up and expanding my iPod, so yeah, my radio is the love my life.  He always know the right words to say for any given emotion I’m feeling.

“Diva” is an anthem for all sexy, confident ladies who can walk the walk.  I can dig this song, but I can’t say I’d listen to every five minutes.  This is a song you cruise to…. but maybe not in a Hyundai.  Divas prolly don’t sit on Hyundais.

The next song “Sweet Dreams” had a Britney Spears feel to it.  I thought of “Gimme, Gimme” when I heard “Sweet Dreams.”  I can hear this song being played in white girl clubs across America.

“Video Phone” is not bad.  Kind of like an oversugared crunk hit.  But Beyonce is always good for songs like these.

“Hello” is garbage.  The way she says “Hello” throughout the song was grating on my ears.  And it’s another Ode to Jay-Z song.  You love his jock, okay, great.  Please, you do have an existence without him.

“Ego” is my new anthem.  We do know the beat was taken from another song, but I can’t put my finger on it at this precise moment.  “You love my big ego, I walk like this, ‘cuz I can back it up.. I can back it up…”  Yeah, you know.

“Scared of Lonely” is the culimation of everything she’s been singing through the whole album.  She is stuck on Jay Z and if he ever left her she would probably stalk his ass and whatever girl he started shacking up with.  After she cut the bitch, she would then turn on Jay Z and go out in a blaze glory better than any Romeo and Juliet type shit we could have ever seen.  Jay Z, just to let you know, you got this one in the bag, you can do anything you want.  Beyonce will never leave your ass.  She’ll make your life hell, but she ain’t goin’ nowhere.  “Scared of Lonely.”

All in all, I’ll give the album a B.  Solid singing.  She doesn’t sound particularly terrible on any song except for Ave Maria at the end when she was trying to hit some high notes.  You are not Mariah Carey, sorry, Beyonce.  She has a great voice, and I wish she would have been a little more adventurous in some of her songs.  I also wish she would have been more original, instead of stealing everybody else’s idea or trying to jump off what she’s already done.  And I also wish she hadn’t made an “I Love Jay Z” album.  She could have sung all of this privately for him and let us see something else of her other than her Elmira like obsession.

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