Daily News November 21

Funeral Arrest
Five police officers in Wilmington, North Carolina will be disciplined after they arrested and Tasered a man who was a pallbearer at his father’s funeral.  The man had made threats against his ex-wife who lived in another state and had agreed to turn himself in directly after his father’s funeral.

Instead, cops in plain clothing showed up at the funeral and tried to arrest him while he was loading the casket carrying his father into the back of the hearse.  The other pallbearers had no idea what was going on–didn’t know they were cops and they almost dropped the casket.  The man, naturally, got upset and resisted arrest.  He was still holding the casket when the cops Tasered him.

The police officers have apologised to the family and admitted that it was a bad decision, and they aren’t sure how there was such a breakdown in communication on when they were going to arrest the guy.

How humiliating.  Okay, if you’re a bad person and you have to go to jail, you have to go to jail, but I mean, the guy was obviously putting a casket in the hearse, not running away.  Why did the cops move in like that?  The funeral attendants thought it was a drug deal gone bad, which just lets you know what type of people they were.  I mean, who deals drugs at a funeral?  You know what, forget I even asked that.

Saved By the Cell
A Louisiana man was saved by his cell phone after he was shot in the chest while mowing his lawn.  His cell phone was in the top pocket of his overalls when a nearby hunter fired off a stray shot.  The bullet came at an angle and struck him directly in the cell phone.  At first the man didn’t even realise he had been shot at.  He thought a rock had kicked up from his lawn mower.  He took his cell phone out of his pocket and it fell apart.  He says he is sure that God told him to put the phone in his upper pocket rather than his back pocket.  The man says his faith in God has been increased because of the incident.

I say, “Amen!”  You know anything and everything can be used by God.  But just to make sure I’m going to start wrapping my body in cell phones  I figure it’s cheaper than a bullet proof vest.

Free Dr. Pepper!
In celebration of the long-awaited Guns’n’Roses album “Chinese Democracy,” Dr. Pepper will give away one free Dr. Pepper to everyone in America.  Beginning, Sunday, 23 November just after midnight, you can go to their website, print out a coupon to take to any store and redeem it for your Dr. Pepper.  The coupon is good until February 28.

Guns’n’Roses has been working on this album since 1994.  Dr. Pepper had stated a long time ago that if the album came out by 2008, they would give away a free soda.  GNR almost didn’t make it.  There’s just over a month left of 2008, anyway.  The sad part is that after 14 long ass years, does anybody even care about Axel Rose’s old ass anyway?

Rap Attack
A rapper in Georgia did what some rappers do, and rapped about his life on the streets and the things he’s done.  Two years ago he shot a man twice in the thigh and groin, then he decided to make a rap song about it.  The song came out in the underground, and the victim of the shooting heard it and brought the tape to the police.  The tape was marked into evidence as a confession and now the rapper is in jail for 20 years.

You know, and I always say that rap don’t really get you nowhere.  But look at that, he went to jail!  Now he can make a rap song about being locked up and produce a video from behind bars like the big stars.  Ha ha!  Maybe you should do like the other half of rappers do, just pretend you’re hardcore.

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