Daily News November 24

Moonlight Sonata
A random piano out in the middle of the woods has Massachusetts police baffled.  Someone dragged a big ass, perfectly tuned upright piano out into the middle of the woods at the end of a foot path.  An early morning hiker found the piano.  The piano is in good condition, nicely tuned and the bench was arranged as if someone was about to sit down and play.  The police don’t know if it is a sign of foul play or someone’s idea of a joke.  The piano is so heavy that it takes at least two people to carry it.  Since no one has reported a stolen piano, the police took it and put it in storage.

I guess that’s pretty random.  I’ve done quite a few practical jokes in my day, but if one of my friends called me up and said, “Let’s take a piano out into the woods” I’d be like, “Yea, I’m gonna sit that one out.”  Those shits are not light, and then carrying it over rough terrain in the woods… not easy.  If it wasn’t a joke, like some scary ass unsolved mystery … that’s just creepy.

Lost:  Nude Pics of My Wife
An Arkansas couple are suing McDonald’s after the husband left his cell phone in the restaurant.  What’s the big deal?  Well, the husband had taken nude photos of his wife and when they left the phone in McDonald’s, some employees took the phone, went through it and then posted the naked pictures of the wife online.  The couple realised immediately that they left the phone, and called the McDonald’s to see if it was still there.  An employee said yes, the phone is here and we’ll keep it until you come back to get it.  By the time the couple got back to get the phone, someone who worked in McDonald’s had already put the pictures on the internet.  The couple was harrassed and embarrassed by neighbours to the point that they actually had to move out of their home to get away from the craziness.

Wow.  See, you know, that’s why some things are not for everybody.  Keeping skanky pictures of yourself on your cell phone is just a little bit too public.  You can accidentally do so many things that will embarrass you.  What if you accidentally sent a skanky picture to your mom when you were actually trying to send her a picture of the kids?  What if you send the picture to your boss when you were trying to send him an email?  I mean, really?  Of course, if you look at it this way, they are making money off skanky pictures.  They are suing McDonald’s for $3 million.

This Is the Murder Capitol, Where They Murder For Capital
New Orleans is the most crime-ridden city in the United States.  A murder occurs there once every 40 hours.  Camden, New Jersey; Detroit, Michigan; St. Louis, Missouri; and Oakland, California take second, third, fourth and fifth respectively.  The lowest crime rate is in Ramapo, New York.  Out of 688 crimes there, none of them were murders or killings of any kind.  After Ramapo is Mission Viejo, CA some random place outside of St. Louis, another random town in New Jersey and one more random town in Massachusetts are other cities with very low crime rates.

Crime rates were studied in 397 cities in the United States with populations larger than 75,000.  The crimes included in the rate are murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary, theft and motor vehicle theft.

I tried to find where Baltimore and Washington, DC placed on the list, but the CQ list is an actual book.  You have to buy it to find out.  I ain’t that pressed.  There are some people who don’t like that the cities are rated against one another.  They say it gives a skewed view of which cities are safer than others.  I guess their argument is that just because a whole bunch of people get killed in New Orleans doesn’t necessarily make it less safe than living in some little ass village in New Jersey somewhere.

I’m not sure how they were able to come to that reasoning.  I mean, if you tell me that someone gets murdered every 40 hours, my chances of living or visiting that place is very slim.  Doesn’t seem very safe, so I would rather go to someplace where nobody gets killed.  But just like I heard someone say of Baltimore, a lot of people get killed in Baltimore, but it’s mostly drug related.  So as long as you aren’t somewhere you ain’t supposed to be, it might be safe for you.  I don’t believe that either.  Ever heard of the term “innocent by-stander!”

But perception is everything.  I have had my car broken into twice in Baltimore.  Nothing ever happened to me in Florida.  I was mugged in Arizona.  Someone said, “You got mugged in Arizona?”  I said, “Yeah, why is that surprising?”  They said, “I didn’t know people really live out there.”

So I’m just living out there by myself?

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