Daily News November 27

It’s a Boy, It’s a Girl, It’s a He/She!
Apparently, scientists have discovered where the two sexes come from.  No, sorry, creationists, according to these scientific results, we are not descended from Adam and his rib.  We were all hermaphrodites!  Yes, at some point in ancient history, we were she-men or neuters.  The article I just finished reading went into a lengthy scientific explanation on the origins of the sex of men and women.  Early organisms held both chromosomes of male and female.  These hermaphrodite organisms could reproduce within themselves and eventually, corruptions in the DNA chain (or whatever) caused one of the chromosomes to lay dormant, either the male or the female chromosome, resulting in boys and girls.  The neuter organisms which had neither sex could not reproduce, which is why all of those organisms died out.  Somehow evolution took its course and the hermaphrodite organisms died out or something, and so that’s why there are men and women on the earth.

I won’t pretend that I even understood half of what this article was saying.  You can read it on MSNBC if you’re interested.  However, being both religious and scientific minded, I’m kind of at a crossroads on this one.  Big Bang Theory, man from apes, yeah, that’s a reasonable and scientific explanation of extravagant Bible prose, but hermaphrodites?  The jury is still out.  But then again, as I am neither a religious scholar nor scientist, what the fuck do I know?

Map-Fuck Up Your-Quest
Three Norwegian men have decided to cut their Brasilian vacation short after their GPS got them lost in a dangerous neighbourhood run by drug traffickers.  The men had gone to the beach to enjoy a nice day in the sun, then they decided to return to their resort after they dropped their rental car back at the airport.  They were headed to the airport when the GPS system in the rental car told them to get off the highway towards some street.  They did as the GPS told them, and as soon as they got onto the street the drug traffickers that control the slum neighbourhood opened fire on them, injuring one of the Norwegian men.  He was able to get the car back onto the highway before they were all killed.  The Brasilian police were not able to make any arrests.

I hope they don’t have to pay any fees for the bullet holes in the rental car.  Hahah.  This is almost exactly what happened to me when my friend Jennifer and I went to Tampa for a VNV Nation concert.  We used Mapquest to get to this hotel downtown, and it told us to get off the highway.  We did and there was a police cruiser at the end of the ramp.  He stopped us and asked me for ID.  I thought I was speeding and he looked at the address on the license and said, “Do you know somebody that lives down here?”  I told him no, that we were trying to get to the Marriott.  He said, “There’s no Marriott down here and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get back on the highway real fast.”  I purposely remembered the street name, because I was like… What’s down here?  I asked someone if they knew anything about Nebraska Avenue and the girl was like, “Yeah, that’s like the worst neighbourhood in Tampa.  Someone gets killed there every 10 minutes.”  Good lookin’ out.

Hello, My Name is Iko Takahachi and You Killed My Pet!
A Japanese man stabbed a former minister and his wife while he was mourning the death of his pet.  The man went to the home of a former minister of health and welfare and stabbed him and his wife to death.  Earlier that day, after pretending to be a delivery man he stabbed the wife of another minister of health and welfare.  The police at first thought someone had a grudge against health and welfare workers, but when they finally arrested the man, he told the police that he was upset about the death of his pet.  His pet had been killed at a health and welfare office.  The reason for the pet’s death is not known.

Because a dead dog is a good reason to go out stabbing people.  I mean, can’t you just buy another dog or something?  I know a lot of people are attached to their pets, but let’s be reasonable.  It’s a goddamn dog, cat, mouse, ferret, leopard, whatever.  I don’t think they let you have pets in jail, so, sorry, ’bout your luck.

Deluge of Donations
An old man living in Wisconsin got slapped with a $3,000 water bill while he was away from home.  Apparently, his home was too cold to live in during the winter, so he stayed some place else. In his absence, water froze in the pipes causing them to bust and leak.  In three months, he racked up a $3,000 bill.  Obviously, at 84 years old he’s no longer working and couldn’t afford to pay the bill and get the water turned back on, so he asked for help.  In one week, he received almost $5,000 in donations.  He accepted only the amount required to pay the bill and either sent the rest back or gave some to the Salvation Army.  He said he is glad that there are still helpful and kind people in the world.

So, uhm, anybody want to help pay my car note?  I’m not 84 years old on a fixed income, but times are hard and I just thought I’d ask.  I accept Visa, Mastercard, Paypal and of course, cold hard cash.

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