Daily News December 13

Not Just a Mailman Anymore
A California mailman is no longer just the guy who delivers your mail and gets chased by dogs.  As he was on his route one afternoon, a woman came out of her house carrying her child, screaming, “My baby, my baby!”  The mailman ran over to her and immediately snatched the child up and began CPR while neighbours called 911.  He continued CPR until paramedics arrived.  They were able to revive her and keep her stabilised until she got to hospital where she is in good condition.  The mailman’s quick thinking saved the 19 month old baby’s life.

Doesn’t that just warm the previously frozen cockles of your heart?  There is still some good in the world.

Bettie Page Is Dead
The original pin-up girl from the 1950s died of pneumonia after suffering a heart attack.  Bettie Page is considered the ultimate sex goddess, way over Marilyn Monroe or other beauties at that time.  She is also considered to be one of the most widely photographed persons of her era.  She appeared in Playboy wearing nothing but a smile and a Santa hat and the rest, as they say, is history.  She appeared scantily clad or naked during a time when it was considered the height of outrage to do so.  She did the bondage photos which earned her a place in almost every goth girl’s heart.  A lot of women in the underground adore the Bettie Page look, the heavy black bangs and soft curling hair.

But Bettie wasn’t just some skaz on a magazine cover.  In a time when women did not receive advanced degrees, Bettie got a bachelor’s and a master’s degree.  In 1958, she disappeared from the scene to make several deep and personal changes in her life.  She also had medical issues to take care of.  Bettie came out of seclusion only once, at Hugh Hefner’s 50th Playboy Anniversary, where she allowed herself to be photographed with Anna Nicole Smith.  No one outside her family had seen her since.

Arrivaderrci, Bettie.  You will be missed.

You’ll Really Need That Toilet Paper Now
A man from Minnesota was fed up with teenagers toilet papering his house, so he decided to take matters into his own hands.  He armed himself with night vision goggles and a high powered squirt gun filled with fox piss.   Yes, fox piss, just in case you didn’t read that right.  One night, he was chilling at home when the kids, about 15 of them started sneaking through the woods towards his house.  He got up, got dressed and started hosing them down with fox piss.  He is now under arrest and charged with assault.

Fox piss.  That has got to absolutely reek.  But it still begs the question, what the bloody hell are you doing sitting around with fox piss?  Did he like get up out of his cozy chair before the fire, go over to his cabinet and open up a can of fresh fox piss?  Do they sell some place?  Or does he actually go out and collect it every morning?  The good Lord only knows.

Gambler Takes a Gamble
An Australian man with a gambling addiction is suing Australia’s largest gaming corporation after he lost $909 million.  Yes, nine-hundred nine MILLION dollars.  The man had been previously banned from every casino in Australia but this particular casino, Crown did their best to lure him back to the baccarat tables.  The Crown Casino reportedly told the Australian Supreme Court that “they didn’t give a monkey’s ass” about a ban.  Those are exact words.  The man wore a wiretap so authorities could hear Crown casino trying to get him back to the baccarat tables where he lost $37 million (Australian) in 14 months.

This man lost 909 million DOLLARS!  I wish I had even a tenth of that to lose.  I have heard of gambling addictions where people lose thousands of dollars a day.  But 909 million goddamn dollars.  It is so unfair how the world works.  People who need money can’t get it, and people who have it waste it on bullshit.  Baccarat tables?  Are you fucking kidding me, and then you don’t even have shit to show for it.  It’s not like a compulsive shopper where you have all this piled up, no, you’re just throwing it away.  Might as well stand on top of a bridge and throw it overboard.  While you’re bullshitting, you could have given that to me.  Nine-hundred nine million fucking dollars.  What is this world coming to!

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