Cubicle Death #4

I never really write anything that goes on in my office, mostly because the office is not as exciting as working at TSA.  There’s not really that much drama because mostly people are holed up in their cubicles and don’t want to walk to anybody else.  It’s an entirely different environment.  One I’m still getting used to.

Today was the Holiday Dessert Social and Gift Exchange.  I’ve only been here less than two weeks, but I decided to participate because I didn’t want anybody to think I was anti-social.

It’s so funny how shitty people are, no matter how much money they make.  In fact, I think people who make the most money are more shitty than anybody else.
The rules were to bring a unisex $10 gift.  We were doing a Chinese gift exchange.  Basically, all the gifts are in a pile, everybody gets a number.  Number one picks first.  Then number two can either take number one’s gift or pick from the pile.  Number two can take from one or two or from the pile, and so on and so forth.  I was lucky to have a really high number so I could have the most selection to choose from and the chances of someone taking my gift would be slim.  I just hoped that I didn’t get a crappy gift.

I bought an office back massager.  I spent more than $10.  Ceciley and I went halves on it because they were 2 for $25 at Brookstone.  I thought it was a nice thing to get; I even bought the batteries.  Don’t you hate how you get a battery operated something but you don’t get the batteries to use it and you have to go out and buy the shit yourself?

Anyway, I was number 18 out of 21.  I got to see pretty much most of the gifts to be choosen.  There were fancy cookie jars, crystal platters, wine, a bourbon kit, coffee mugs with Starbucks gift cards, all kinds of nice stuff.  There were some lame gifts like the Charlie Brown Christmas CD and a USB Christmas tree.  Okay, this is what I’m talking about how shitty people can be.

Now, we know that the limit was $10; that is for propriety’s sake.  Government has a lot of rules about the value of gifts.  You can’t look like you are trying to buy someone.  But that doesn’t mean you have to be a fucking cheap ass hoe.

A USB Christmas tree?  It is a small Christmas tree that you plug into your computer’s USB port.  What the fuck is that?  How can you possibly think that someone would want that?

I felt really bad for the girl who had it.  When she first picked her gift, she got a bottle of wine.  Someone took it from her.  She picked another gift and got the bourbon.  Someone took that from her.  She picked another gift and got the USB Christmas tree.  Nobody is going to want that, so you might as well give it up.

Then this other guy got the Charlie Brown Christmas CD.  I felt bad for him too.  He started off with some Waterford Christmas tree ornaments.  He really wanted them for his wife.  Then someone took it from him, so he took the bourbon from the other girl.  Someone took that from him, and he took the bottle of wine from another guy.  Someone took that from him, so he had to pick from the pile.  He got the Christmas CD.  Nobody wants that.

When it was my turn, I was scared to find something horrid.  A lot of the people in my office are old.  I’m sure they find cookie jars and crystal platters all very exciting, but I don’t.  I damn sure don’t want a USB Christmas tree.

I could have taken something from someone.  I thought about the Visa gift card for $15, which I should have taken but for some reason I didn’t think of it.  I picked from the pile and got a hot cocoa kit, the kind with the mug and the battery operated whip thing and a little grater so I can grate my own cinnamon or chocolate bark.  It was kind of cute.  I don’t drink cocoa, but that is something that can easily be re-gifted.

But the girl who had number 19, took the Visa gift card from another lady, who came and took my cocoa cup!  So now I have to pick from the pile because I was the third one.  (Every three has to pick from the pile).  Okay, great.  Two gifts left on the floor.  A moderate size box and a little package.  I don’t believe that just because it’s bigger it’s better.  The biggest package out there turned out to be a cookie jar.

The little package?  Suspect.  Poorly wrapped.  Government tape all over it.  No bow.  But good things come in surprising packages.

I took the big box. What was in it?

A hot cocoa kit, even better than the other one.  This one has TWO mugs, a pot to make the cocoa in, plus a recipe book and a bar of chocolate.  Hahah.

I’m giving it to my mom as one of her little side presents.  Saves me having to spend the money on something she probably won’t use anyway.  She’s impossible to shop for.

The best gifts were the bourbon kit, the bottle of wine and these chocolate filled liquour bottles.  I wanted that, even though I don’t drink, but who can resist chocolate and liquour?

The worst gifts:  USB Christmas tree, Charlie Brown Christmas CD, the cheesy 5.99 Tuesday Morning menorah looking votive candle holder and the gay ass crystal platter.

One lady says she likes to participate but she always picks her own gift so she can take it back to the store.  Also, my back massager was described as vulgar.  Not what I had in mind, but this lady was like, “Welcome to the office.”


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