Daily News January 26

I Wanna Be a Cop When I Grow Up!
A 14 year old boy in Chicago is in a juvenile detention centre after he posed as a police officer for about 5 hours.  The boy dressed up in a police officer’s uniform and walked into a precinct.  The boy took an assignment meant for real cops.  He was even partnered with a real cop.  The two drove around in a squad car for several hours.  The boy was only discovered to be a fake after another officer noticed that he did not have a star on his uniform that is part of the regulation.  The boy did not have any ill intentions.  He did a youth programme a while ago that introduced kids to police work.  He told his caregivers that he wanted to be a cop when he grew up.

I feel like this kid should not be arrested.  He managed to walk into a squad house, get an assignment, and drive around with a real cop for hours.  The only reason anybody even noticed him was because his uniform was missing something.  So what if he had had that dumb star?  Nobody would have even known the difference.  The boy did not make any arrests, write any tickets or drive the squad car.  Besides the fact that this particular police department is about as smart as a bag of rocks, I don’t see what the problem is.

Honey, Don’t Be Mad But…
A bride-to-be nearly lost her mind after she accidentally flushed a $78,000 diamond engagement ring down the toilet in a restaurant.  Hysterical, she called the city plumbers and maintenance workers who took apart the toilet and plumbing system to find the ring.  They were not able to do so, so she called a private contractor who lowered a camera down into the plumbing system.  They eventually found the ring after the whole bathroom and the pipes outside the restaurant were torn apart.  The woman and her fiance paid several thousand dollars in plumbers’ fees to the city and the contractors, plus tips to the workers of the restaurant who stayed late to save the ring.

Seventy-eight THOUSAND dollar diamond engagement ring?  If that had happened to me, I would have jumped down the toilet myself to get that shit back.  Either that, or I’m not going home for the rest of my life.  Can you tell your fiance that you lost his $78,000 ring?  Sorry, boo, but uhm, see, what had happened was….  This is why there is domestic abuse in America.

I Said GTFO!
A Pennsylvania landlord is facing charges after he tried to evict a tenant in a most unusual way.  Evicting someone is not against the law, it’s just how you do it.  He told the woman and her child to get out (for reasons unknown), but when the woman refused to leave, the landlord removed the toilet, bathtub, kitchen sink and stove top.  The woman still refused to leave because she had nowhere else to go. A welfare agency trying to help the woman discovered the problems and reported the landlord.  The apartment was also found to be infested with roaches with sewage overflowing in the bathroom.  The woman has now been relocated with the help of the welfare agency.

Uhm, so, that’s why there are laws about evicting people.  The article didn’t say why the woman had to get out, if she couldn’t pay or what, but usually, if it’s because someone can’t pay they either throw your shit on the street or they padlock the door so you can’t get back in, or they call the police to have you forcibly removed from the place.  Who knows what kind of laws they have up there in Pennsylvania.  I mean, what would you do if you came home from work and found that you had no toilet, bathtub, running water or a stove.  You go to sleep and in the middle of the night you find raw sewage spewing in what’s left of the bathroom?  Yeah… I mean, I guess if you don’t have nowhere else to go… but damn already.


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