Daily News January 28

iMilitary
A man from New Zealand bought a used iPod from a thrift store in Oklahoma.  Sometimes a used iPod can contain the music from the previous owner.  Sometimes it has files on it.  But who would think this man would find military personnel files.  The files contained information on soldiers who had served in Iraq or Afghanistan, including phone number, social security numbers and addresses.  The files even  had a list of equipment used overseas.  The man immediately turned it over to the U.S. government.  But who knows who previously owned the iPod. 

First of all, why would you have such information on your iPod and secondly, why wouldn’t you delete the shit when you didn’t want it anymore?  I guess this is precisely the reason why iPods, disks and other recordable media are no longer allowed in government buildings.  At least it was some nice New Zealand guy and not Muhammad Atta.

Feces Face Defender
A California man is once again back in jail after he smeared a bag full of shit on his public defender then threw it at the jury.  The man had been on trial for robbery and assault and home invasion.  He had told the judge that he didn’t want the public defender as his attorney, but the judge refused to let the attorney leave the case.  Somehow the man smuggled in a bag full of shit (no word if it’s his shit or someone else’s) and smeared into the face of his attorney.  He threw what was left of the shit at the jury, but none of them were hit.  The judge declared a mistrial.

Hopefully, the public defender will get to leave the case now.  Representing criminals is hard work.  Sometimes you worry they might come after you if you don’t do a good job.  There’s always the prospect of death or dismemberment, but who would have thought about defecation?

Obama Makes a Comment
President Obama was surprised to find that his daughters’ school was cancelled today because of the ice/snowstorm that passed through DC yesterday and today.  Apparently, back in Chicago, they get so much snow and ice that it’s like, whatever.  School is almost never cancelled.  Reportedly, President Obama said, “School is closed for what–some ice?”  He says he would like to apply some of that good old midwestern work ethic to DC.  Apparently, we’re a little too weak for his standards.

Now, look here, Mr. President, I’m glad you’re in office because I know you’re gonna make some changes, but don’t be fucking with my snow days, hear?  I won’t stand for it!

Advertisements

Speak your mind:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s