Daily News February 3

Doin’ Time
An Austrian woman has been sentenced to 500 days in jail for failure to pay her parking fines.  The woman received over SEVEN HUNDRED (700) notifications that her parking fees were unpaid.  After the last notification, she owed $30,000 in fines which included the original fines and all the late fees.  She was finally arrested and sentenced.  Austrian law states that a person cannot spend more than 42 days in jail for parking violations, so she will have to go to jail for 42 days several times to work off 500 days. 

By my calculations she will have to go to jail almost 12 different times to work off that amount.  I don’t know how many days can be in between.  Do you go to jail for 42 days, then get out for a day and then go back?  Either way, it sucks.  Why she didn’t just pay the fine, I don’t know.  I mean after 700 notifications, you would think she would get a clue.

911, What’s Your Emergency?
An Ohio man felt his life was in danger because two men with guns were watching him, so he called 911 and told the operator that he thought his life was being threatened.  Somehow the call got disconnected, so the operator called back, which is standard procedure.  The man answered the phone and operator asked if he was okay.  He said, “Can you hold on a minute?”  Then he proceeded to make a drug deal.  The operator heard what was going on, recognised the drug lingo the guy was using.  On her other phone line, she called the police and dispatched them to the man’s location where he was arrested after they found cocaine in his pants.

So, if you’re a drug dealer, two men with guns is probably something you’re used to.  Why did you call the police?  Then… when the operator called back and you know you’re selling drugs, why didn’t you just say, “Everything is fine.  It was my brother.  I’m okay,” and hang up?  Why would you make a drug deal on the phone with a 911 operator especially since ALL of those calls are recorded?  I mean, really.  Apparently, this is a person who doesn’t understand how emergency services work.  They don’t just give up on you if you don’t say anything.  They always go for worst case scenario.  What a dumbass.

Toilets Ablaze!
San Francisco police are looking for some deviants who get a kick out of setting port-a-potties on fire.  About 20 different port-o-potties have been set on fire in the past few weeks, causing thousands of dollars in damage and a horrific mess that someone has to clean up.  Construction companies have started hiding their toilets so that pranksters won’t have access to them.  Police think it’s probably kids, and not someone with a real criminal intent, but they are worried that the fires could spread to someone’s property or someone could get injured.  There is also the huge problem of cleaning up shit after it’s been smouldering in a hot fire for awhile. 

Wow.  What a job:  cleaning up burning shit.  And I’m sure the smell just kicks you right in the ass.  You know how a port-o-potty can stink on a hot day.  If it was on fire… Pewwwwwwwwww!  I just hope the next time a toilet gets torched, someone’s not in there using the can.  That would kind of suck.

Superbowl Halftime Show
Everybody remembers the Janet Jackson halftime fiasco a few years ago and the wardrobe malfunction where Superbowl viewers across the universe had a bird’s eye view of her plastic titty.  Well, viewers in the Tucson area were treated to a half time show even better than naked titty.  During a commercial break, while the rest of the country saw the commercials that the Superbowl is famous for, Tucson people got 11 seconds worth of hardcore porn.  The network says it was maliciously inserted into the commercial break, but they do not know who did it, why and how.  Angry viewers called the station to cuss them out because their kids caught the raunchiest 11 seconds of Debbie Does Dallas.  The network president apologised to the viewers, saying they were going to investigate the incident fully.

Wow.  First of all, porn is not even on regular television.  You have to subscribe to those channels and from what I understand even the porn channels are not the skanky, nasty porns that you can find in video stores.  The article described the 11 seconds of porn as “pure filth” so I’m wondering what exactly it was, like beastiality or fat chick gang rape or something….  The mind just boggles.  It’s bad enough to see raw cock’n’ass, but like Afrowhores, in the middle of a Sunday evening football game where FAMILIES are watching?  Wow.  And you know in TV time 11 seconds is a freaking lifetime.  What if it had been an entire commercial break?  Four minutes?  Oh my God, people would be rioting, about to burn down the damn TV station.

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