Daily News February 10

Pissed to Death
A woman in Bolivia has been killed after she was injected with a syringe filled with urine.  Apparently, it is widely believed in that country that urine thereapy can treat diseases.  It also used for cosmetic purposes.  Some people drink it, rub it on their skin or inject it into their bodies.  The woman that died was injected by her [supposed] friend.  The friend claims that she didn’t do it. 

So… the article doesn’t really go into detail on whose piss it was.  Was it the woman’s own piss that killed her or was it someone else’s?  I don’t know about Bolivians, but I’ve always understood that piss was liquid WASTE from the body.  Something the body DOESN’T want… so why would you put it back into your body?  In a syringe?  Especially by some random woman who is not a doctor (they said the friend was a fashion designer), or even any other type of medical practitioner.  Even a witch doctor is better than a fashion designer.  But you know, I guess people will do anything searching for that fountain of youth. 

When I was working at the Hilton, one of my co-workers told me that she regularly washed her face with her piss.  She told me that the first piss of the day, the one after you first wake up is the best one to use.  Yeah, she was one of the chefs.  I never ate anything she ever cooked again, then I purposely told the guy with the biggest mouth that worked there.  Like a month later, that girl quit.  Yeah, but surprisingly she had great skin.  So maybe… Nah.  Fuck that, I ain’t washing my face with piss.

Celebrity Smackdown
By now, I’m sure everyone is now aware of the knock down-drag out fight between Chris Brown and Rihanna, although officially she is not the one named in the investigation.  We all know that the big-forehead girl from Barbados got a two piece from not-so-squeaky-clean Chris Brown.  There are varying reports on what actually happened, but from what I could piece together from all the reputable sources is that they were seen arguing at a party.  They left and were fighting in the car.  She got out, and he went after her where he punched her several times and bit her.  Yes, bit her, like as in Mike Tyson bit.  He got into his car and left her there.  A bystander was the one that called the police, although Chris Brown turned himself in.  Nurses reported Rihanna as being hysterical when she was brought to the hospital with numerous contusions on her face, a bloody nose, a busted lip and a bite mark on her cheek.  One nurse said she looked like she had devil’s horns coming out of that gigantic landing pad forehead of hers. 

Rihanna has either postponed or cancelled her upcoming performances.  Mr. Brown will be investigated because the DA is likely to press charges.  Already, his career is in jeopardy.  His endorsements have been suspended.  Reportedly Jay-Z and Timbaland said that if these things are true, they will make sure that Chris never works in Hollywood again.  Ooooh!  Scandalous.  So far there has been no official statement made from either camp.  Rihanna’s publicist only said she was “fine.”  Apparently, Chris Brown was trying to do something about the size of her forehead.  No, I’m just playing.  Domestic abuse isn’t funny.

The thing is that Chris Brown looked like the perfect sweet little kid.  He’s on Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards and stuff that makes teenage girls’ hearts flutter madly when they see him.  Parents don’t want their children listening to a domestic abuser and networks are going to sweep him out the backdoor to make sure their images stay pristine.  It would have been better if Mr. Brown went out somewhere and got lit and trashed his car in a DUI.  That would have been written off as a youthful indiscretion.  Oh, he’s just a kid, what’s a little puff-puff pass?  Most people do not like wife/girlfriend beaters.

So, as bright as your star was, Chris, it looks like you just shot that right out the sky.  Sorry ’bout your luck!

And every night, I ask the Lord God above to give me a talent.  I wish I could swim like a fish, run like the wind, or sing and dance like a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, so I can make some money and be famous.  I wouldn’t squander it like Michael Phelps, Michael Vicks and now Chris Brown.  But no, I’m just an ordinary fat ass just wishing I had half the talent they did.  All of that and they don’t even know what to do with it.  What a waste!

Dog Lover
A woman in Texas was found locked in her car with 22 dogs, a pot for water, some blankets and a whole bunch of dog shit.  The air in the car was very toxic, twice the limit that humans can bear.  The woman refused to open the door when the police came, and all the doors were locked.  They wound up having to bust in to get her out.  The woman was not completely mentally stable and all the dogs were taken away from her.

Twenty-two dogs in a car?  Yeah… I couldn’t stand the barking and yipping and yapping and carrying on.  And the nasty ass constant farting and shitting?  Plus dogs just stink anyway.  Gross.


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