Daily News March 4

Chuck You, Mother Chucker
A Massachusetts man faces assault charges after he chucked up a Chuck E. Cheese mascot at one of the restaurants.  The man claimed he was defending his son after Chuck E. Cheese allegedly assaulted the year old boy by pinning him against a video game machine.  Mr. Cheese said that he was only trying to get through a crowd of kids and that he put his hands over his head to avoid knocking them over.  Witnesses say that Mr. Cheese accidentally bumped into the boy but did not attack him the way the father claimed.  The man tried to plead down to the charges, but the jduge would not let him, stating that his behaviour was unacceptable.

Okay, two years ago Mickey got beat up.  Sports mascots are always getting beat up.  Then last week I think McGruff the Crime Dog got his ass kicked.  What is up with the mascot smackdown.  I guess it’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it.

Hello, 911?  They Outta Nuggets!

A Florida woman felt it was a serious miscarriage of justice after she went to McDonald’s to order some mcnuggets, only to discover the restaurant had run out.  According to the woman’s multiple frantic 911 calls, yes, she called 911, she ordered the mcnuggets, paid and then was told there were no more and there were no refunds.  The clerk offered her something else in place, but the woman did not want a Big Mac.  After an argument, the woman decided police action was required and that is why she called Emergency Services to report this crime against nature.

Sadly, this woman is black, and once again the ghetto-fabulous are being played up in the media to make all black people look ridiculous.  First the bullet-proof weave woman and now this.  The woman faces jail time for abusing the system, but McDonald’s has offered her a refund and a gift card.  Now she can buy as many mcnuggets as she wants when she gets out of jail.

Is That Britney Spears?
An Ohio woman is under arrest after a private citizen reported her as driving a car, while talking on a cell phone, while breastfeeding her baby.  The citizen wrote down her license plate number and reported her.  The police went to investigate and the woman said, “Oh, yeah, that was me.”  When the police asked her why she had her child, who is under 2 years old, in her lap while driving, the woman replied, “My baby was hungry and I’m not going to let him starve.”  Ohio has a law that children under two years of age must be in a child safety seat when the vehicle is in motion.  There is also a law that prohibits public breastfeeding, but the authorities are not concerned with that at the moment.  The woman has been arrested on child endangerment charges.

If that wasn’t Britney, then it must have been her sister Jamielynn.  Nah, I’m playing, seriously… yet another trashy ass black woman highlighting the stupidity of our race.  The woman says she will do it again and she doesn’t even see what the big deal is.  While we applaud you on your multi-tasking skills, you do understand that a baby flying through a windshield is not really something the public likes to see.  I mean… really.

Call Me Now!
Looking for religious guidance?  Why don’t you give God a call?  God has set up a voicemail in the Netherlands for anyone who wants to leave Him a message.  You can pray, ask for assistance or just have a chat.  Some Dutchman thought it would be a good idea to set up the voicemail for people to organise their thoughts and speak to God.  The number is +316-4424-4901.  Long distance and international charges apply.

*Ring, ring*  “Hey, God, it’s me.  Yeah, I tried calling You earlier but I jsut got the voicemail.  Looks like You’re not in right now.  I was just calling to see what You’re up to.  Me and some of the guys are going out later.  Wanted to know if You wanted to come.  Oh, yeah, I wanted to talk to You about some of these thoughts I’ve been having.  Hit me back.” 

Funny Money, Funny Drugs
Police in Missouri have arrested a man after he tried to buy fake drugs with fake money in a sting operation designed to get prescription drug pushers off the street.  The cops were undercover with fake Oxycodone pills and the man approached them with several bills that were so fake that they were only printed on one side. 

In an unrelated incident in Washing state, girl scout troops there have been defrauded repeatedly by a man buying girl scout cookies with fake bills.  The town is a very small town, and the girl scout mothers have no idea why someone would do such a thing to the little girls.  They tried reporting it to the police, but the town is so small that the police station is not open on weekends.

One-sided money?  Can you please not even try to pretend that you could get away with using a one-sided dollar bill?  Was the other side white?  If you went to Wal-Mart and clerk gave you back a twenty that was missing the president’s face, would you accept that?  And as for this town that’s only open on the weekend, do people not get robbed or murdered over the weekend?  How does a police station close?  And this is precisely the reason why someone in that small ass town is running around with fake bills because the cops are off Saturdays and Sundays.

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