Misadventures of the Village Idiot #26: Livin’ My Life off the Wall

This week has been kind of a rollercoaster for me, a little up and down with some weird things:  my pissy co-worker zappin’ out, gettin’ run off the road, driving to Virginia instead of to my job one morning, and everything else in between.  Life always “Wannabe Startin’ Something,” but that’s okay, I can “Keep the Faith.”

Of course, the best part of the week has been scoring four tickets to Michael Jackson’s grand finale “This Is It” tour.  I got up at 300 in the morning on a work night to get these tickets.  My sister was up at midnight and we logged on three computers to “stand in line” because we weren’t even playing.  Seriously.

I knew he was going to do his final shows in London after hearing his press conference last week, but I guess I really didn’t think anything of it.  I’m thinking, London, all the way in the damn United Kingdom, who is really going all the way out there?  I didn’t even know when his tickets were going on sale.  Shayla is the one that told me, and for some reason I just got this bug in my head that I needed to get tickets.

We had the game plan down.  I have two computers, she had her laptop.  I set up a Ticketmaster UK account, gave my sister all my credit card information, everything.  Tickets went on sale 7AM GMT, 3AM EDT, 1200AM PDT.  She was up at 1130, I got up at 230.  We got on the phone together.  We decided that since his shows kicked off in July that we weren’t going to try to go to the first shows because everyone else would be trying to do that very same thing.

He’ll be on tour from August to September, take a three month break and then back on January and February.  I figured that February is the low season in the UK, not that many tourists, everything is significantly cheaper.  February would be the best bet, even though the weather at that time is kind of crummy.  But we didn’t even stop there.  One computer went for Monday, the other computer went for Wednesday and another computer went for Friday.  Whoever got in first, that’s who purchases. 

As soon as 3AM hit, I was already on.  We weren’t even playing.  The Ticketmaster site was already clogged up the minute we logged in.  One computer was hardly getting through pages before we were getting time out errors and failure to launch and website not found and unable to process.  The other computer got further along but then it went down too.  Then my sister’s laptop went down.  Okay, log back in.  The old computer kept timing out, but my newer computer, the one that always loses internet connection, was actually the one that made it all the way through.

But then you had this gay ass CAPTCHA verification screen that wouldn’t load all the way, but the website clearly said that if you refresh then you lose your space in line, so I just had to wait for it to go through.

Finally, I was in the virtual “line,” where I had this long ass wait, like, is this shit even going through?  One computer said “Your wait time is approximately 15 minutes or more,” and the other one said, “Your wait time is 8 minutes,” then it would say 9 minutes, then back to 8, and then once it went all the way up to 11.  I’m like… stop playing games with my heart.

I couldn’t even believe it when it was like… “We found some seats!”  We got seats like RIGHT IN HIS FACE.  I’m going to staring right up into Michael Jackson’s face staring at every little bit of plastic surgery he’s had, every bleach line, every “EEE-HEEE!” I’m going to be right there. 

I had to be a “Speed Demon, ” because it had this time limit, like 2 minutes to go through each screen, not even a game.  I bought 4 tickets.

Yes, 4, for my sister and I.  My brother says he wants to go, and of course, I will hold one ticket for him, but he got to get his money right.  If he don’t, well, my sister and I plan to sell the other two tickets so we can either put it towards the airfare or just you know, some extra money.  The reason I did that… the pre-sale was on Wednesday… How about someone sold their VIP tickets for TWENTY-TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS… $22,000.  I had to give you both the numbers and the letters so you don’t misunderstand me.

$22,000?  Seriously?  I mean, seriously.  That’s a “Smooth Criminal.”  I know I won’t get that type of money for my extra tickets, but if I can get a couple hundred than that pays for the tickets twice over and a hotel room for a night. 

Surprisingly, it only took us 30 minutes for the whole thing.  I read on the Michael Jackson official forum that some people waited in the virtual line for up to 2 and 3 hours.  Those tickets were “Gone Too Soon,” his shit sold out in less than FIVE hours.  And every “Tabloid Junkie” wants to say he is all washed up.  This is Michael Jackson we are talking about.  This is not Beyonce, Lil Wayne, Jay-Z or any of those other woogie ass stars out today, this is the King of Pop…. the number one best-selling artist of ALL TIME.  Who’s number one?  “Who Is It?”  Michael Jackson, because no one… NO ONE has sold more records than he is.  Not Mariah, not Whitney, Britney, John, Ringo, Paul and George, or even Elvis. 

Michael Jackson.

Needless to say, I still had to go to work that morning, and I stumbled in there at 7am, looking like a junkie crawling out of an alley for a crack fix.  My supervisor was like… “Are you okay?”  Yeah, I’m fine.  I got my Wacko Jacko tickets.  She was like, “You actually got up at 3 in the morning?”

Hell yeah, you better “Beat It.” 

I think they think I’m crazy because I stayed up all night and the fact that we are actually going all the way to damn Great Britain to see him.  He’s not coming here, so I have to go to him.  Forget “Stranger in Moscow,” we will be strangers in London, but that’s cool.

But this is part of livin’ my life “Off the Wall.”  Shit, I only got one life, that I know of.  If there’s reincarnation, I don’t know that, so I have to live this shit like tomorrow is the last day.  I ain’t got no kids, no husband, no responsibility, no nothing, so what is really the point of me just going to my wack ass job everyday, coming home and startin’ it all over again?  It’s “Human Nature” to want to live life to the fullest, unless you’re some kind masochist or something.

What am I working for?  What did I struggle through school for?  Why am I a go-getter, out there searching for the highest paid job?  Why do all these things for nothing?  I do save for a rainy day, but I don’t live to work, I work to live and this is living.  I want to be able to look at the “Man in the Mirror” and be content with the way my life is going, so “Why You Wanna Trip On Me?” 

Yeah, it’s kind of “Dangerous” that we will spend about $800 on airfare, another $1000 on a hotel and then we still got to eat and buy Michael Jackson paraphernalia and all that other shit.  That’s cool.  Me, my brother and sister we plan on doing it up real big.  Get on Eurostar and go across to France, see some shit we ain’t never seen before, are unlikely to ever see again.  We’ll have a good ass time, create some memories, so when we’re like 80 we’ll be like, “Remember the Time” we got Wacko Jacko tickets and went all the way to damn London?

After my vacation to New Orleans in July, I don’t plan on doing anything else but “Workin’ Day and Night” to put away some pennies, excuse me, some pence (as they say in London), so we can have a fabulous European vacation.  I always wanted to go to Europe anyway, and most of my friends, so typical, scared to go out of the country.  This is London, people, they do speak English.  It’s not like I’m going to the damn Congo or some where they ain’t got no running water.  For real.

And I am so glad we chose this strategy that we did, afterwards, I went on the forum, people are losing their minds… losing…their…minds.  One girl said she will do ANYTHING to get her hands on some tickets, she doesn’t care how much she has to pay.  She said she is suicidal that she couldn’t get tickets.  One boy said his computer messed up and he couldn’t get back in.  He has been crying all morning.  Another guy was like, “I can’t believe I missed my last chance to see him.  My life is over.” 

Seriously?  I mean, seriously.  “2 Bad” for you.  Me, Shayla, Baron, “Billie Jean,” and “Dirty Diana” are gonna “Burn This Disco Out.” 

Any minute I can die, but I ask the Lord, please do not let me die
before Monday, February 22, 2010, 6:30PM.  Because at 6:31 I am going
to be getting my “Scream” on like a Japanese schoolgirl.

Michael…………………….I love you!!!!!!


Okay, how many Wacko Jacko song titles did I work into this?

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